Personal Development – Pagina 6

10 Ideas For Spending Your Holidays At Home.

In this period of mobility restrictions caused by the pandemic, the time when we could travel freely seems a long ago. Last year for Easter, I had planned a trip to Berlin and I would not have expected to cancel it. This year too, I would have liked to leave for the Easter break, but the virus is still among us and it is better to stay where we are.

Covid has changed many aspects of our life and going on vacation is one of them. It is obvious that going on vacation is very important for physical and mental health. You should think about taking rest periods even without being able to travel.

When we work we look forward to the weekend but it is not long enough to fully recharge ourselves. To be able to really disconnect from work we need more time.

Holidays are a period of time that we need, we need it as well as sleep, eat, drink, in short, they are a necessity. If we want to stay healthy, we have to take vacations.

Waiting for the pandemic to pass and then taking a long vacation is not a good idea. It is better to take shorter vacations but more often.

Of course, we cannot travel now, it is strongly discouraged, but this does not mean that a period of rest at home or close to your place, depending on what you can do in the country where you live, will do some good. Holidays allow us to recover and when we come back, we often feel better, full of energy and even more creative.

It does not matter where you go on vacation. The main thing is that you can rest and put aside your daily worries. Choose what to do, with whom and when to do it. Not everyone likes travelling. Some like to have time to read more, do more physical activity, spend time outdoors. Others like to take small hikes, without straying too far from home. Some people enjoy long trips, some other like only short ones.

With the health crisis, many of us had their vacations at home. Let us see the positive aspects of it: definitely less pollution, you saved some money and also the stress of travelling.

However, there are people who do not like being at home. They do not know what to do, they get bored, they do not want to tidy up the house (but for this one could call someone to help), and the children (when they are there) need care and attention. They have to think about many things, as if they were working. On the other hand, they may simply want to change air and get to know new places, or return to places they have loved before.

If, however, you are forced to stay at home due to travel restrictions, take some days off and try to take advantage of your free time anyway, as doing so will make you feel better. Moreover, think that the pandemic will be hopefully over soon.

If you find yourself in the position of having to stay at home during your holidays, try these tips:

1. Don’t read professional emails;

2. Do little housework;

3. Establish rules and times for being at the computer or television (both for you and your children, if you have any);

4. Look for new places to discover in your neighbourhood;

5. Spend time in nature because nature is a source of energy;

6. Make a list of what you would normally do on vacation, eliminating the things you cannot do due to anti-Covid rules. For example, in Belgium, where I live, you can ride a bike, but you cannot go to a restaurant;

7. Organize a movie marathon with friends and discuss with them to find out which ones you all liked the most;

8. You can do the same thing with a book. Choose with your friends a book you all would like to read. When finished, you gather together (on-line if not possible a real gathering together) to comment on it;

9. Why do not you sign up for an online course to learn new things? There are many possibilities even for free!

10. Indulge yourself with little vices: buy some chocolate (soon it will be Easter, the best moment to buy it), a good bottle of wine, or have a three-course meal delivered.

What kind of vacation do you like? Do you prefer to travel far away or stay closer?

10 idee per passare le vacanze a casa

In questo periodo di restrizioni alla mobilità causate dalla pandemia, ci sembra così lontano il tempo in cui si poteva viaggiare liberamente.

L’anno scorso per Pasqua avevo programmato un viaggio a Berlino e non mi sarei aspettata di doverlo annullare. Anche quest’anno avrei voluto fare un viaggetto per le vacanze di Pasqua, ma il virus è ancora tra di noi e ci dicono che è meglio non muoversi.

Il Covid ha cambiato molti aspetti della nostra vita e andare in vacanza è uno di questi.

È ovvio che andare in vacanza é molto importante per la salute fisica e mentale. Dovresti pensare a prendere dei periodi di riposo anche senza poter viaggiare.

Quando si lavora aspettiamo il weekend con impazienza ma non è abbastanza lungo per poter ricaricare completamente le batterie. Per poter staccare dal lavoro abbiamo bisogno di più tempo.

Le vacanze sono un periodo di tempo del quale abbiamo bisogno, ne abbiamo bisogno come di dormire, mangiare, bere, insomma sono una necessità. Se vogliamo restare in buona salute dobbiamo prenderci delle ferie.

Aspettare che passi la pandemia per poi prendere un lungo periodo di vacanza, non è una buona idea. È meglio fare delle ferie più brevi ma più spesso.

Certo adesso non possiamo viaggiare, è fortemente sconsigliato, ma ciò non significa che un periodo di riposo a casa o vicino a casa, dipende da quello che puoi fare nel luogo dove abiti, ci possa fare bene. Le ferie ci consentono di recuperare e al rientro spesso ci sentiamo meglio, pieni di energia e persino più creativi.

Non importa dove vai in vacanza. La cosa principale è che tu ti possa riposare e mettere da parte le preoccupazioni quotidiane. Scegli cosa fare, con chi e quando farlo. Non a tutti piace viaggiare. Ad alcuni piace avere il tempo per leggere di più, fare più attività fisica, passare del tempo all’aperto. Ad altri piace fare delle piccole escursioni, senza allontanarsi troppo da casa. Ad altri ancora, invece, piace fare viaggi lungi, mentre ci sono persone a cui piacciono solo viaggi brevi.

Con la crisi sanitaria, molti di noi hanno dovuto passare le vacanze a casa. Ci sono alcuni aspetti positivi: meno inquinamento ambientale, sicuramente hai speso meno soldi e ti sei risparmiato lo stress del viaggio.

Tuttavia, ci sono persone alle quali non piace stare a casa. Non sanno cosa fare, si annoiano, non hanno voglia di riordinare casa (ma per questo si potrebbe chiamare un’agenzia di pulizie), i tuoi figli (se ne hai) fanno confusione, insomma devi pensare a tante cose, come se stessi lavorando. Oppure semplicemente hanno voglia di cambiare aria e conoscere posti nuovi, o ritornare in posti che hanno amato.

Se, però, sei obbligato a restare a casa a causa delle restrizioni di viaggio, prendi dei giorni di ferie e cerca di approfittare comunque del tempo libero, perché così facendo starai meglio. E pensa che, prima o poi, questa pandemia finirà.

Se ti trovi nelle condizioni di dover restare a casa, prova a seguire questi consigli:

Non leggere le email professionali;
Riduci al minimo i compiti casalinghi;
Stabilisci delle regole e dei tempi per stare al computer o alla televisione (sia per te che i tuoi figli, se ne hai);
Cerca dei posti nuovi da scoprire nelle vicinanze della tua abitazione;
Passa del tempo in mezzo alla natura perché la natura è fonte di energia;
Fai una lista di quello che faresti in vacanza normalmente, eliminando le cose che non puoi fare a causa delle regole anti-Covid. Ad esempio, in Belgio, dove abito, puoi andare in bicicletta ma non al ristorante;
Organizza con amici una maratona di film e discuti con loro per scoprire quelli che sono piaciuti di più;
La stessa cosa la puoi fare con un libro: tu e i tuoi amici scegliete un libro da leggere poi vi ritrovate (on-line se non é possibile diversamente) per commentarlo;
Perché non iscriverti a un corso on-line per imparare qualcosa di nuovo? Ci sono tante possibilità anche gratuite!
Concediti dei piccoli vizi: compra della cioccolata (tra un po’ é Pasqua, quale momento migliore?), una buona bottiglia di vino, oppure fatti consegnare un pasto di tre portate.

Tu che tipo di vacanziere sei? Preferisci viaggiare lontano o restare vicino?

How To Use the Pareto’s Principle

Towards the end of the 19th century, a group of economists from the University of Lausanne in Switzerland studied the social inequalities in Europe. Analysing the tax data of several European countries, they found out that in each of them about 20% of the population owned 80% of the wealth.

This discovery was a real springboard for the career of an economist, Vilfredo Pareto, who gave his name to a principle, the Pareto principle, also known as the law of 20-80.

Some examples of the application of this principle:

• to optimize production, some industries in Japan focus on 20% of the causes that generate 80% of production problems;

• customer services of most companies focus on 20% of customers who generate 80% of turnover;

• finance professionals agree that 20% of their investments represent 80% of the benefits.

What does this principle make us understand? The message of Pareto’s principle is that we need to focus on 20% of the actions that lead us to 80% of the results.

In practice, we must focus on high value-added actions because they are the ones that make us move forward.

This principle is very important because it deals with a precious resource: time.

To avoid being stuck on a goal and slowly losing sight of it, it would be beneficial to use this perspective (20-80).

However, how can we identify what are the essential things to our goal? Moreover, how to choose high valuable actions?

Try to answer these two questions for each action you have planned but are hesitating to take:

1. Is this action vital in moving me towards my goal?

2. Am I the only one who can do this action?

The first question allows you to separate essential actions from those that can wait.

The second allows you to identify what are the actions that others can do in your place and that, therefore, you can delegate.

Once this is done, you will know 20% of the actions you need to take to advance towards achieving your goal.

Now you could estimate the time required for each action but it is not ideal, because you would end up putting it on your “to-do-list” and you could continue to shift the priority order. Therefore, in the end you would have wasted some time.

Once again you have to ask yourself some questions:

1. What problems are stopping you from really moving forward with your goals?

2. What do you need to do to solve these problems?

3. What are the elements that allow you to understand if the problems have been solved?

You will be surprised to see how well these questions work. The 20-80 rule allows you to focus on actions that have a visible and direct impact. You will see that they will soon become a habit to you, and that you will use them every time you feel stuck with something.

Do you think that the Pareto’s principle is useful for progressing with your goals?

How to Overcome Difficulties with the Ganbatte

The Japanese people have an incredible ability to recover from catastrophes of any kind. After World War II that left the country in ruins, in just thirty years Japan became the second largest economy in the world, becoming leaders in the electronics sector in the eighties and nineties. How could the Japanese economic miracle happen? The answer has to do with an expression that we should use too: “ganbatte” which means “try your best”.

Here lies one of the differences between the fragility of the Western culture and the resilience of Japanese culture: how they deal with crisis’ situations.

In Japan, when they have to take an exam, they say “Ganbatte kudasai“, which is the best way to tell others to do their best. In this case, there is no external factor on which the outcome of your exam depends on. According to the Japanese, if you try your best, you will get a result, which even if not the best ever, it will be the best for you, because it represents your maximum effort.

Another Japanese saying, also very useful to all of us, is: “if you want to warm a rock, sit over it for a hundred years”, which means that to overcome great difficulties you need to be patient. However, this doesn’t mean sitting down and waiting for circumstances to change, it means actually working to create new situations and opportunities.

The “ganbatte” is present in the individual and collective activities of the Japanese, and it is very much linked to the Ikigai, that is simply the priority around which everything else (often unconsciously) turns.

In 1995, when the disastrous earthquake happened in Kobe causing enormous damages, the slogan that circulated in Japan was: Ganbaro Kobe. The meaning of the message was: strength and courage from all of us; united and with efforts we will get out of this situation.

Later on, in 2011, on the occasion of another great earthquake that caused the nuclear catastrophe in Fukushima, the slogan that encouraged all Japanese was: Ganbaru Nippon! This encouraged all Japanese to join in the collective effort to help all those involved in the catastrophe. A collective effort was required, and this spirit manifested heroically when retired workers from the nuclear power plant, volunteered to control it. The reason presented by those people was that it was better for the radiation to affect people who had already lived a good part of their lives rather than young people with a future ahead.

A good lesson for all of us in these difficult times. We could try to do as the Japanese do by following these four practical tips.

Do and not complain. Don’t complain with your arms crossed: do something. Value your actions, even if they seem of little importance to you, in reality everything you do is important. As the Kaizen philosophy says, modest but continuous progress ends up in a great transformation.
Hope instead of despair. An attitude of hope focused on day after day rather than on “when this will end” helps to keep morale high.
Don’t waste energy. Don’t venture into endless arguments, which get you nowhere. It is necessary to keep all your strengths (mental and physical) to keep moving forward.
Seek the company of enthusiastic people. We are friends by affinity. This does not, however, exclude that we can surround ourselves with people with a ganbatte spirit, who strive to improve rather than seeing only the negative side.

Do you think ganbatte can help you with facing difficult situations?

The Thought Landscape – An Alternative Way To Deal with Negative Thoughts

I have been receiving Miguel’s emails for some time, cannot really say how long. Recently, I received this article in my mail box that perfectly matches with the purpose of my blog. Actually Miguel, also published a video, in case you prefer watching to reading. Enjoy it!

Humans have a natural tendency to gravitate towards negative thinking.

We could assume that tendency is there because it gave our ancestors a small survival advantage.

Those that were happy-go-lucky optimists got eaten by wolves.

Those that were pessimists and hoping for the worst didn’t get eaten as much.

So here we are today with a lizard brain primed to expect the worst.

Although there might be an evolutionary advantage to being pessimistic, living your life pestered by gloomy doomy thoughts is no fun.

The truth is today we live in a much more safe environment than hundreds of thousands of years ago.

It’s very rare for people to succumb to hungry tooth sabre tigers and such.

Yet, we live in a constant state of alert and fear triggered in part by nature only exacerbated by the news and social media.

So how do we escape negative thoughts?

Besides recreational drugs, alcohol, mindless social media binging, and meditation, I dare to propose a new way to lead happier mental lives.

You could think of this method as a thought experiment, a new mental model to deal with pessimistic thinking.

I call it the thought landscape.

Disclaimer: if you have trouble using your imagination or suffer from aphantasia, it won’t be easy to implement this approach.

The concept is quite simple to understand but tricky to master.

It goes like this:

A: There is a large number of thoughts we can have (negative, positive, neutral)

B: However, at any given instant, we can only think of one thing.

C: We can choose what we think at any given instant (focus)

D: Therefore, we can choose to substitute any current thought with any other available thought from A.

These are vast assumptions so let me elaborate a bit on each point.

A: This one everyone should agree. The number of thoughts a human can have is between 0 and Many. Many could be thousands or millions, a lot.

If you have a working brain, A should always be many. 0 is only for dead people.

B: This could be debated. However, we could safely assume that we can only hold one thought at a time. Thinking two thoughts simultaneously is not possible. I.e., you cannot think blue or black simultaneously (“Bluk” is not a colour!)

C: This could be more debatable, but If I tell you to think of a white elephant, usually you’ll think of a white elephant, not of a purple platypus. So you were able to change your thinking deliberately.

D: If the three statements above hold true, then it has to be true that we can control what we think at any given moment.

And if D is true, then it is good news for all of us!

This means that thinking negatively is, for the most part, a choice.

So, if you catch yourself stuck on negative thinking, now you know it’s because you chose to do so.

Great, and then what?

Then you can discard that thought, take a step back and look at what other thoughts are available from A.

The goal of taking this imaginary step back is to gain a new perspective.

Is to gain some altitude and contemplate which other thoughts you could choose from.

In A., we established that there could be many other thoughts you could have.

The range of available thoughts is what I call the thought landscape.

Like a physical landscape, you’ll see valleys and hills.

Now that you’ve momentarily elevated yourself over your thought landscape, it’s time to choose.

What other thoughts do you see that you could choose to think next?

Let me give you a concrete example of how this would play out for me.

So here I am, thinking I’m not good enough, smart enough, that people suck, that the pandemic sucks, that politicians are hypocrites, etc.

I’m feeling like shit. This is no fun. Then I realize I can choose what to think.

I take a step back and look at what other thoughts are currently available across my thought landscape.

In the beginning, it’s hard to see past a few meters because all the negative thoughts are fighting for attention, clouding my vision.

I try to rise a bit higher, past the dark fog.

I know there are other thoughts across the dark valley of shitty thoughts.

There you go… I see some light.

About 2 km away, I see a couple of green hills peeking through the clouds.

I take a closer look.

I see my family on one of them.

They love me. I feel happy to know they are alive and they love me.

I see food. Yum! I can see I have plenty of food, and I can afford more if I need to.

That makes me happy.

Another hill. Wow! I’m relatively healthy. How lucky I am! I can still walk, play sports, dance, use my body. My hands work… I can build things!

Another hill further away.

I see people in need. People whose lives I could make better. It makes me happy I could help other people. That’s important.

This exercise took only a couple of minutes, and my outlook has completely changed.

I feel gratitude. I feel alive. I feel happy.

My thought landscape is full of wonderful thoughts to choose from.

I don’t want to discriminate against negative thoughts. I just don’t want them to dictate how I feel 90% of the time.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember a single day of my life where I didn’t have a moment where my mind wasn’t imprisoned by negative thinking.

Negative thinking is inevitable. It’s there for our survival. We just need to learn how to keep it at bay.

The thought landscape will always offer you plenty of alternative thoughts, equally or even more valid than the negative thoughts you currently hold in your mind.

Give your positive thoughts a chance to live.

They deserve some attention too.

Peace. Love. Happy-Cookies.

Miguel @ Grumo.com

Dealing with negative thoughts

How To Live the Life You Want

Albert Ellis (1913-2007), an American psychologist, developed his own method: Rational Emotive Therapy (RET). The basic principle of this therapy can be summed up in this sentence taken by Epictetus: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.” According to Ellis, by finding and changing your irrational beliefs, which are a source of suffering, you can free up yourselves from your internal chains and finally lead the life you want.

Here are 5 tips that you can use depending on the area that you deem most “urgent” (couple, work, family, etc.) in which toxic beliefs are active and, therefore, need to be addressed.

Stop using of the verb “must”. Ellis calls this belief the “musts”. Must-haves can generate emotional disturbances, which prevent you from connecting to your deepest and truest needs and desires. In addition, they also prevent you from finding the resources you need to pass over difficult times. Examples of some thoughts resulting from this belief are: “I have to do everything well otherwise others will not appreciate me (meaning, if others do not like me, I am worthless)”; “The others have to do exactly as I want”. “Circumstances must allow me to get what I want and how I want it”. Whenever you feel trapped in a situation, the “musts” are at work. Identifying them allows you to weaken their negative charge and slowly you will be able to let them go.
Choose your words wisely (remember that words are bricks that build walls, also within you). The words you use not only reveal your way of thinking but also guide your behaviour. How you interpret what happens to you and how you project yourself into an event that has yet to happen affects your emotional state. This generates emotions that reinforce your beliefs. Rather than repeating over and over that you are not lucky or that you are worthless, it is better to say that you did your best, that perhaps you have not been careful or that you were not aware of that thing or fact, but that you will do everything possible to do it better next time. It is not about using the magic wand, but about betting on what helps you move forward rather than following your negative and useless beliefs.
Dare to think about yourself. It is not about thinking only about yourself or thinking of yourself as opposed to others. Judgments, conformism and projections from others (parents, family, friends, society) take you away from what makes you feel good. Ellis believed in the power of determination, even knowing the weight of the unconscious and personal history. He invited his patients to identify areas of life that made them feel good and wanted them to focus on those. We all want to be accepted, recognized for our worth, but sometimes it is necessary to put aside these desires of gratification. You shall focus on what makes the most sense to you, what you feel is the condition for a happy life according to your happiness standards.
Stop blaming yourself. Are you ruining your life by saying “I should have” or “I could have”? Are you spinning around like a hamster on its wheel? Reproaches against yourself represent real sterile and negative self-flagellations. If you have made a mistake, even a serious one, let the guilt go away and then evaluate two rational and productive options: apologize and repair the “damage”. By apologizing, you face the reality and assume your responsibilities. Repairing, on the other hand, allows you to get back into a position of action and makes you regain self-esteem. Stopping self-scolding also helps you take the reins of your life back and move on. If you have made a mistake and you are the victim, it’s just as important to learn to forgive yourself and learn the lesson for the next time.
Laugh more often. Laughing allows you to take distance, to play down, to hold on and to create an environment that is conducive to exchange and sharing around you. Look at the crazy side of situations (there always is), listen to humorists, watch comedies. Laughing is contagious, you know. As soon as you see that you are being a know-it-all, that you want to give lessons, that you are becoming fussy or that you are complaining, stop it! Remember that people do not like when you are like that. Moreover, you might be suffering of stress toxic effects, as you would fail to identify what is important from what is not and, finally, you would be a victim of a perfectionism that may ruin your life and, sometime, even that of the others.

Do you think that any of these tips may help you with your life?

Micromanagement

“She asked me to put her in copy to all emails, even the most trivial ones. Sometimes she would knock on my office door to ask me if I was okay because I had spent a lot of time in the bathroom, when actually only five minutes have passed. She checked when I walked in and when I left my office to see how long I had been way. The pressure she exerted by checking every detail of my work was suffocating, more than exaggerated and above all counterproductive.”

This is just a testimony from an employee who used to work with a micro-manager. What exactly is micromanagement? It is a managerial practice through which the manager exercises exhaustive control of the actions, tasks, functions and responsibilities of the people subordinated to him / her at a hierarchical level.

This type of managers may also ask to see an email before it is sent, and they may want to be informed of all the decisions that employees need to take, because they think that their staff cannot take decisions. A micromanager combines impatience and distrust with absolute control of the tasks assigned to their subordinates.

The situation look like the schemes used by the “Thought Police” to scrupulously monitor every moment of the characters in George Orwell’s “1984” novel. As in that book, the consequences of this practice of strict control on employees are devastating. The boss gains in peace of mind but staff suffer from it and are also less productive. Actually, this system creates bottlenecks that cause a slowdown in all activities. This type of manager wants to earn a good reputation and prevent a supervisor from blaming them that something was wrongly done.

But the worst part falls on the employees. Many times they do not know how to give priority, because the boss constantly changes their priorities based on the urgency that arrives, or because a superior asks him or her or it is the market requiring that. Employees lose creativity and self-esteem. A culture of fear is established, where everything is subject to the orders of the superior. This can lead to sickness absenteeism.

Apart from real psychosomatic diseases that can arise, psychological situations can also develop for which the person feels worthless, becomes smaller and smaller until they doubt their abilities. You begin to ask yourself: “Am I capable of doing it? ”,“ Am I in the wrong job? ”,“ Why do they control me like this, what have I done wrong? ”. And it can also happen that you quit your job, even if you have a good salary. When a situation cannot be changed or accepted, you have to leave it, and, in this case, you leave your job.

It is important to know that people do not quit jobs, they leave bosses.

But why do managers fall into this trap?

If micromanagement spoils the work environment, employees’ health, and it is harmful even to bosses who lose productivity and may lose also staff, why can’t this total and constant control be avoided? The bosses don’t have enough work to do?

Let’s see the possible causes.

First, managers themselves suffer pressure from the environment, be it from their own bosses, shareholders, markets or competition.

Second, incompetence. Either managers feel unsecure because their staff perform an excellent job compared to their own, or the employees are not suitable for that type of job.

The third cause is clear and straightforward: the boss’s obsessive personality making them unable to organize and manage the work.

Whatever the cause is, it is necessary to analyse what is happening in order to put an end to the situation as soon as possible. First, you should go to the human resources of your company. I have worked in human resources for over 10 years and have seen a lot of micromanagement.

As an alternative, you could turn to your superior and ask them to implement one or more techniques, perhaps with the help of a coach. One technique could be that of the traffic light. Together with the boss, you define the admissible and acceptable control limits, that are not to be exceeded. If these limits should be overcome, some signals will be sent to the manager. When the manager receives them, they identify their behaviour and try to control it.

Another strategy is to define the profile of the boss and of each team members, analysing their personal, professional and communication style and characteristics. Once this “x-ray” is completed, the boss shall answer the following questions:

1. What leadership style they use with each employee;

2. What leadership style each employee would need;

3. Which leadership model they would like to use with the each employee.

By doing so, the boss can realize that the type of leadership they are using is in line with that person’s role, but it is not what that employee, due to his or her personality, needs. By adopting this paradigm shift, the boss begins to think not from their own point of view, but from that of the subordinate. While this strategy may sound like science fiction, with time and a willingness to change, success is assured.

Have you ever worked under the supervision of a micro-manager?

Why action without intention is useless?

Intention is powerful energy that allows you to satisfy a need, be it material, relational, emotional or spiritual.

It is a source of positive energy that allows you to create or fulfil a dream.

Many people think that only by taking action you can achieve your goal or get what you want.

However, intention is more powerful than action because it draws its strength from the energy of the universe that sustains action and guides it to avoid you getting lost or exhausted. If your energy is negative, you will not feel satisfied; you will have the impression of swimming against the current of the water.

Action without intention will never get you to your destination.

Give yourself permission to think and dream big even if it seems impossible! Authorize and solicit a pure consciousness that binds you to this universal “I”, where everything is not only possible, but already exists and needs your intention for it to happen.

By positively utilising the power of intention, you will be guided towards the best. If some cards are given by chance, through observation you will be able to seize the most favourable opportunity that comes to you. Try to adapt to unforeseen situations to turn them into opportunities, because it matters more how you react to what happens to you.

Good fortune can be provoked (certainly not for gambling or winning the lottery) and sometimes you have to be brave and reactive to seize the opportunity that comes to you.

Do you know the story of the two mice falling into a bucket full of milk? One of them yells “help, help”, doesn’t swim and drowns. The other swims to stay afloat so fast that it turns the milk into butter and can come out of the bucket!

Here are four ideas to try being luckier:

Adopt a positive spirit, attitudes and behaviours.
Dream big even if it seems impossible to you, opening the doors to opportunities.
Stop saying “Yes but …” and replace it with “What if …”.
Find a lucky jingle, a tune you like and that works like a bell to regularly connect on the good wavelength. A mantra or a positive affirmation is also fine.

And let things happen!

Do you feel ready to create your intention?

The Magic of Synchronicity

You miss the train and on the quay you meet the love of your life. You receive money in the exact moment you need it: this is the magic of synchronicity; they are coincidences that sometimes leave you speechless and let you see a new path.

What Is Synchronicity?

Psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung brought us the term “synchronicity,” which literally means “falling together in time.” Synchronicity describes the surprise that occurs when a thought in the mind is mirrored by an external event to which it has no apparent causal connection.

Read this story told by Jung to understand what synchronicity is about.

A young woman of high education and serious demeanour entered Jung’s office. Jung could see that her quest for psychological change was doomed unless he was able to succeed in softening her rationalist shell with “a somewhat more human understanding.” He needed the magic of coincidence. He asked for it, searched his surroundings for it. He remained attentive to the young woman, while hoping something unexpected and irrational would turn up.

As she described a golden scarab—a costly piece of jewellery—she had received in a dream the night before, he heard a tapping on the window. He looked and saw a gold-green glint. Jung opened the window to coincidence. He plucked the scarab beetle out of the air. The beetle, closely resembling to the golden scarab, was just what he needed—or just what she needed. “Here is your scarab,” he said to the woman, as he handed her a link between her dreams and the real world.

A synchronic event goes beyond mere coincidence because it has a transforming power, which marks a before and after in your personal history.

In order to notice synchronicity, you need to develop attention and spirit of observation.

If you begin to notice with curiosity what happens to you during the day, your everyday life would become a joyful space of possibility and opportunity.

Hidden or obvious, these ephemeral messages are so precious that they deserve our full attention. You will see that then, the more you notice these significant coincidences, the more they multiply and will help you get out of your routine. Moreover, you will be headed for something new. By changing your perspective, you will also be able to make your reality move.

Try one of these games and see what feelings you get.

Here is the first one that is called Bibliomancy.

Write down a question in a notebook or a sheet.
Pick up your favourite book, or the book that is nearest to you. Note down its title.
Close your eyes, and open up randomly the book.
Before opening your eyes, run your hands along the page and point with one finger at a random line.
Open your eyes and read the sentence or paragraph. Note down the page number and line number.
Consider what implication the passage you pointed to has on the question you posed, and write down some reflections.

Here is another one, that I call “The Sidewalk Observation Game”. Even with this game you can get an unexpected message by putting you in touch with a symbol or situation.

Start by writing down a question. Walk with your senses in full alert and notice all the details. For example, catch some elements of a conversation between two people you cross during your walk, read an advertisement, look at a graffiti or a newspaper left on a bench. These are signs that can help you find the answer to your question.

Even slips or dysgraphia can be a clue to explore. For example, I often write massage instead of message. I think I may need to get a massage …

These tips come to you so that you can open doors and not close them. They offer you the opportunity to enjoy meaningful experiences with enthusiasm and enjoyment and to abandon the plans established by your ego.

In this way, you have the opportunity to connect to the collective unconscious because you adhere to positive and non-blocking beliefs. The more you pay attention to synchronicity, the more your neurological and emotional circuits are positively stimulated and they create new behavioural patterns, installs beneficial habits that connect you with the consciousness of the universe.

The time of synchronicity

As the Greek root of this word shows, synchronicity refers to time (syn means meeting and chronos means time). The ancient Greeks conceived synchronicity in three distinct ways: the chronos, which corresponds to a linear flow; the aion, or the endless cycles; the kairos, that is the right moment to act.

In the Greek mythology there is the winged god Kairos. When Kairos passes by there are three possibilities:

You don’t see him;
You see him but you do nothing;
In the moment he passes by you give him your hand to grasp the chance he is offering you.

In practice, synchronicity is telling you carpe diem, namely seize the moment.

What do you do when Kairos passes by next to you ?

Tre consigli per combattere la frustrazione

La pandemia ci ha messo davanti a un futuro incerto e ci ha lasciato emozioni negative.

Tutti abbiamo vissuto da bambini la delusione di quando chiedevamo qualcosa e questo ci veniva negato. Poteva anche accadere che ci mettessimo a piangere e questo faceva andare in bestia i nostri genitori, che etichettavano questo comportamento come un capriccio.

In effetti, la frustrazione é presente in tutte le tappe della vita e il nostro successo dipende un po’ anche da come gestiamo questa emozione tipicamente umana.

Un maestro Zen riassume la felicitá in una formula semplice: la felicitá é la realtá che viviamo meno quello che desideriamo o speriamo ottenere.

Quando ció che si desidera supera quello che si ha, allora ci si trova di fronte a quello che Carl Gustav Jung diceva: “La vita non vissuta é una malattia della quale si puó morire.”

Nella nostra societá dove la competizione e la soddisfazione instantanea prevalgono, la frustrazione ci accompagna necessariamente un po’ da tutte le parti, perché non appena abbiamo esaudito un desiderio, eccone un altro che arriva.

Questo periodo di pandemia ci ha fatto passare da un consumismo sfrenato a una cultura dell’annullamento (annullamento di vacanze, annullamento di cene con amici, annullamento di appuntamenti medici, ecc.).

Questo improvviso cambiamento ha influito sulla tua vita? Guarda se hai alcuni sintomi tra quelli elencati qui sotto per capire se sei una persona frustrata:

malinconia spesso presente;
maggiore irritabilitá, tensione e stress. Cose che prima non ti davano fastidio ora ti fanno saltare;
pensieri negativi che tornano continuamente, rubandoti energia e, a volte, il sonno;
aumento del consumo di alcolici e di medicine prese senza il consiglio medico;
voglia di scappare.

Photo by Oscar Aguilar Elías on Unsplash

Se ti riconosci in una o due di queste caratteristiche, allora significa che la frustrazione si é impossessata di parte della tua vita.

Ecco alcuni consigli che ti aiuteranno a superare questo momento:

coltiva la pazienza. Puó sembrare ovvio, ma é molto efficace. Da bambini come da adulti, la frustrazione compare quando non si ottiene ció che si vuole. Se i genitori non ti comprano il giocattolo che vuoi quando lo chiedi, ma ti dicono che te lo regaleranno per il compleanno, questo non ti consola. In tempi di crisi, se non sappiamo quando finirá la situazione che ci crea frustrazione (come adesso, che la diffusione del Covid ha ripreso in modo piuttosto importante) potremmo perdere le speranze. Contro questa visione, solo uno sguardo a lungo termine potrá aiutarti. Sebbene non sai fino a quando durerá la situazione, sapere che c’é luce alla fine del tunnel ti aiuta a vivere il presente.
esamina quello che ci guadagni. Cosí come l’energia non si crea ne si distrugge, ma si trasforma, anche la perdita puó portare dei guadagni. Se non hai potuto fare quel viaggio che tanto desideravi, pensa che hai risparmiato dei soldi e appena potrai partire di nuovo, avrai una maggiore disponibilitá finanziaria. Se hai perso il posto di lavoro perché la ditta dove lavoravi ha chiuso, sarai costretto a valutare altre possibilitá, a rimetterti in gioco e magari potrai iniziare un’attivitá indipendente che mai avresti pensato prima e che finalmente ti mette in valore. Per combattere la frustrazione devi chiederti: cosa guadagno da questa perdita?
pensa che tutto cambia. Niente di quello che abbiamo durerá sempre. Anche se potessimo esaudire tutti i nostri desideri, sarebbe sempre una soddisfazione temporanea. Se niente rimane cosí com’é ma tutto cambia, allora la frustrazione perde di significato.

Si attribuisce al pittore Eugéne Delacroix la massima: “Desiderare il meglio, evitare il peggio e prendere quel che viene”. Se segui questo motto, anziché attaccarti a delle aspettative, prenderai le cose cosí come succedono. Ti sentirai piú nel flusso degli eventi anche caotici che a volte ti propone la vita.

Ti senti frustrato in questo periodo a causa della pandemia che non é ancora terminate né sai quando terminerá?