Archivi delle categorie:Personal Development

Three Tips to Fight Frustration

The pandemic has put us in front of an uncertain future and left us with negative emotions.

We have all experienced as children the disappointment of asking for something that was then denied. It could also happen that we started crying and this drove our parents crazy. They labelled this behaviour as a whim.

Actually, frustration is present in all stages of life and our success also depends a little on how we manage this typical human emotion.

A Zen master summarizes happiness in a simple formula: happiness is the reality that we live less than what we want or hope to achieve.

When what you want outweighs what you have, then you are faced with what Carl Gustav Jung used to say: “Life not lived is a disease from which you can die.”

In our society where competition and instant satisfaction prevail, frustration necessarily accompanies us more or less always, because as soon as we have satisfied a wish, another one comes.

This period of pandemic has made us move from unbridled consumerism to a culture of cancellation (cancellation of holidays, cancellation of dinners with friends, cancellation of medical appointments, etc.).

Has this sudden change affected your life? See if you have any of the symptoms listed below to understand if you have become a frustrated person:

  1. you are often melancholic;
  2. you experience increased irritability, tension and stress. Things that didn’t bother you before now make you jump up;
  3. you have negative thoughts that come back all the time, stealing you energy and sometimes sleep;
  4. you have increased consumption of alcohol and medicines taken without medical advice;
  5. you want to run away.
Photo by Oscar Aguilar Elías on Unsplash

If you recognize yourself in one or two of these characteristics, then it means that frustration has taken over part of your life.

Here are some tips that will help you get through this moment:

  1. cultivate patience. It may seem obvious, but it is very effective. As a child as well as an adult, frustration occurs when you don’t get what you want. If the parents don’t buy you the toy you want when you ask for it, but they tell you they will offer it to you over your birthday, that doesn’t make you feel better. In times of crisis, if we do not know when the situation that creates frustration will end (as now, which the spread of Covid has resumed in a rather important way) we could lose hope. Against this view, only a long-term perspective will help you. Although you don’t know how long the situation will last, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel helps you to live in the present moment.
  2. analyse what you get from it. Just as energy is not created or destroyed, but it is transformed, even losses can bring you gains. If you could not leave for that trip you wanted so much, think that you have saved some money and as soon as you can leave again, you will have greater financial availability. If you have lost your job because the company where you used to work has closed down, you will be forced to evaluate other possibilities, to get back into the game and maybe you can start an independent business that you never would have thought of before and that finally it is worthy. To fight frustration you have to ask yourself: What do I gain from this loss?
  3. think that everything changes. Nothing we have will last for ever. Even if we could satisfy all our wishes, it would always be a temporary satisfaction. If nothing remains as it is but everything changes, then the frustration loses its meaning.

The following thought is attributed to the painter Eugéne Delacroix: “Desire the best, avoid the worst and take what comes”. If you follow this motto, instead of holding on to expectations, you will take things as they happen. You will feel more in the flow of events, even chaotic, that life sometimes offers you.

Do you feel frustrated in this period of pandemic that is not over yet nor do you know when it will end?

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

How And Why Reinventing Yourself. Find It Out by Following These 6 Steps

Have you ever wanted to reinvent your life? Have you tried several times but failed? Reinventing yourself professionally or personally can be a challenge but also a great adventure. Follow these 6 steps to succeed.

First step: find or wake up one of your passion.

Photo by Braden Collum on Unsplash

Concluding one phase and starting another one is not easy. Reinventing yourself requires more commitment than a simple change. Consequences may impact vital aspects of your daily life and a lot of courage and determination are needed.

The pandemic phase has forced all of us to look within and it is possible that many of us are dealing with the need of reinventing ourselves. There will be some who feel empty and need to do something to fill the empty spaces, others who have been forced to reinvent themselves due to the loss of a family member or a friend, others due to difficulties with their work.

For one reason or another, these are times when you need to stop to reflect and make decisions. Let’s see how to deal with this situation.

Reinventing yourself in a satisfactory way presupposes confronting yourself with one of the most uncomfortable emotions that exist: fear. You will be forced to leave your comfort zone and take a leap in the dark. The best antidote to fear is passion. It is the first success factor in a “reinvention” phase. Finding your passion, or awakening it, is only possible if you are honest with yourself. You have to ask yourself questions like:

  1. who I really am;
  2. what I want to do;
  3. which of my passions can help me in this moment.

An honest reflection and re-discovery your old dreams are the fundamental ingredients to neutralize fear and not fearing the future.

The second factor that will help you is not to assess uncertainty as a danger but as an opportunity. It is a question of letting go nostalgia and opening up to the experience of the “new”, so that to focus on what you want and not on what you fear.

To achieve this, you must be willing to learn with humility. If you think you already know everything, it is difficult to be able to start over in any area of ​​your life in a satisfactory way. The success of those who are successful is only the tip of the iceberg, behind there are hours and hours of training and mistakes that are barely seen.

Facing the future and uncertainty also requires a great deal of creativity and imagination. When reinventing yourself, it is important to keep a compass to map the path you are taking. The future is not written anywhere, it is up to you to create it and to do so you need our imagination and hard work.

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

Reinventing yourself means knowing yourself from another perspective and being surprised by the opportunities that suddenly begin to present themselves. If we want your new self to be successful, you need to go out and make yourself known. For this, it is essential to strengthen your network of contacts.

The final ingredient for your success is to be self-confident, because you are capable of doing things you do not even imagine. But you need to learn to use the resources you have and find others available around you.

To conclude, here are the six ingredients to successfully reinvent yourself:

  1. find / awaken your passion to neutralize fear;
  2. transform difficulties into opportunities;
  3. learn, learn, learn;
  4. use great creativity and imagination;
  5. make yourself known;
  6. be self-confident.

Are you ready to reinvent yourself now?

Photo by Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash

Time Management: the Eisenhower Matrix

London, February 1944. The bombing alarms sound throughout all the city.

In a small room, however, everything is calm, extremely calm. In this room, Dwight Eisenhower is preparing the “OverLord” operation, an operation of capital importance. Eisenhower is an important general in the US military. The decisions he makes will have an unprecedented impact on his life, his career and the whole world. Europe has been suffering from Nazism for too long.

“OverLord” has as its objective the landing of allied troops on the coast of Normandy to free Europe from Hitler’s Nazism. It is a historic moment: it is the largest landing of military troops. The fate of Europe and the whole world are at stake. Eisenhower’s staff are pessimistic. The King of England, George VI, wrote him a letter telling him that the more the project progresses, the more frightening it becomes. His organization does not hold. Eisenhower is in his quiet room in London and the bombs don’t stop falling. It seems that the weight of the whole world is on his shoulders. Work on the final preparations by drinking tea. He has faith in his plan. History will prove him right a few months later. Eisenhower is part of that group of heroes of which little is said, despite being the author of one of the greatest military successes in history. On 6 June 1944 he saved Europe from nazi-fascism.

Eisenhower is at the same time a brilliant strategist, a peerless organizer and a charismatic statesman. His successes are numerous. In 1953 he became the 34th President of the United States. During his tenure, he launched several reform programs, including the modernization of all road infrastructure in his country. We remember him as a man with an infallible organization. A man who is not afraid of challenges, of whatever size they may be. Among the lessons we can learn from Eisenhower, there is the management of time according to the matrix that takes his name, the Eisenhower matrix in fact.

“What is important is rarely urgent and what is urgent is rarely important.”

This phrase was a kind of mantra for Eisenhower. He analysed all his actions according to this principle. Therefore, he has built this matrix, which teaches us to make choices.

It’s very simple. Imagine 4 boxes on a table (in the picture here below they are called quadrants):

  1. one containing urgent and important things;
  2. a second box containing important but not urgent things;
  3. a third box containing urgent but not important things;
  4. a last one containing non-urgent and unimportant things.

I would like to point out that this matrix can help you in both private and professional life.

For all the things we have to do, we need to ask ourselves these two questions:

  1. How urgent is it? When do I absolutely have to do this?
  2. What level of importance does it have? What happens if I don’t do it?

For example, I have a medical appointment that I have been waiting for a long time. It’s urgent? Yes, I booked it a long time ago and so now it’s urgent. It’s important? Yes, because I have to understand the origin of this health problem that has been bothering me for some time.

Therefore, I will put it into the top left “Urgent and Important” box (quadrant I).

In the top right box (quadrant II) I put the activities that are important but not urgent because they are things I can do later. Right now they are not crucial to achieving my goals. For example, I want to promote my business on social media or translate my site into English. They are activities to be planned.

Then, there are some activities that are urgent but not important (quadrant III). For example, replying to an email that does not concern me directly, or attending a meeting that I consider superfluoud that it is important that someone from my team participate. I can delegate this activity.

In the lower right box (quadrant IV) I put everything that is neither urgent nor important. Actually, for everything that is inside this box, I should ask myself: shall I keep it?

According to Eisenhower, such a drastic choice is difficult. However, if after a few weeks, the things inside this box have not been done yet, they must be eliminated.

This matrix is ​​very useful because it forces us to distance ourselves and question ourselves about our situation.

Here are 5 questions that you have to ask yourself:

  1. What really matters to me / to my project?
  2. What do I like about this thing / that project?
  3. Why do I procrastinate on that?
  4. What is blocking my personal development / my project?
  5. What should I stop doing right away so that I don’t waste any more time on that?

What about you? Have you ever used the Eisenhower Matrix?

August Blues

I look forward August with impatience as for me it represents the top of summer time, that is my favourite period of the year. July prepares myself to August that comes full of expectations and good intentions.

However, at the end of the summer I find myself dealing with what I have actually achieved and I am not always happy with the results.

It happens that often my expectations are misaligned with reality and this causes me frustration and distress that reaches its top at the end of the summer. The idea of ​​not having enjoyed the summer period as I wanted and the thought of the “going back to work” around the corner might turn the last days of vacation into moments of anxiety and suffering.

The August melancholy is known as “August Blues”, the boredom and the dissatisfaction that may become a real malaise of the season.

Therefore, this year I decided to anticipate it and I identified four suggestions so to avoid being overwhelmed by it:

  1. spending time outdoors: natural light, fresh air and nature help psychophysical well-being and allow us to look at situation with more detachment and serenity;
  2. thinking about the positive moments: we all have had for sure beautiful experiences that brought us some benefits, even though small ones. They will help us to add value to the time spent. Sometimes our mind plays with us and makes us not very objective;
  3. scheduling your time: we are all different and there are people who can go back to work straight after their flight back home but there are others who need some time to recover from the shock of returning home from holidays. Listen to your needs and plan your time accordingly;
  4. last but not least, show awareness: learning to recognize the first signs of your distress will help you to manage it better and to prevent it from overwhelming you.

What about you? Have you ever experienced the August Blues?

Photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash

Dispel Those 7 Beliefs About Solutions For Heatwaves

During heatwaves like the one we are going through, being in fresh areas, not going out during the central hours of the day and drinking lot of water (not iced water) is surely recommended. However, there are practices that are bad ideas, wrong beliefs and that you should avoid.

Photo by Massimiliano Martini on Unsplash
  1. I do not feel hungry so I do not eat. During periods of strong heat, it is recommended to eat foods with a high water content, such as strawberries (in Belgium we still have them and they are very good!), cucumbers, watermelon, melon, salad, courgettes, tomatoes and peppers. Everything that the summer season offers us. Nature always provide us with the best solution for every period of the year. You can also eat sorbets, yoghurt and white cheese. What you must avoid are fatty meals, because the digestion of fats involves an effort of the body that increases body temperature and consequently the perceived heat.
  2. Using the air conditioning at its maximum power. Using air conditioning is recommended but the temperature must be adjusted to a maximum of 10 degrees C lower than the outside one. Of course, if the outside temperature is 40 degrees C, 30 will be still a high temperature. However, a big gap between the outside and the insider temperatures weakens the body. And don’t forget to clean the filters.
  3. Drinking very hot drinks. A legend tells that people living in the desert use to drink very hot teas to fight the heat. However, this is not necessarily a good idea, actually it is what it is: a legend. The body temperature is around 37 degrees. Consuming a hotter drink would mean forcing the body to sweat and therefore going forward dehydration to eliminate the accumulated heats. Ideally, you should drink liquids between 12 and 14 degrees C.
  4. While sleeping, directing the fan to your face. A person who directs the fan towards the face in the morning will have dry nose, mouth and eyes. This is likely to give you a headache but you will definitely have a stuffy nose. It is recommended to put the fan a little further away from the bed and not to direct it to your face.
  5. Drink at least three litres of water a day. Actually, drinking a quantity of water between one and a half and two litres is more than enough. In case of over consumption the body will be forced to eject more through sweating or peeing, in this latter case overloading the kidneys.
  6. Nothing better than a beer to stay hydrated. Actually, alcohol dehydrates. If you drink a glass of beer, you must then drink water to compensate for the loss of water. Coffee and tea are also drinks that you do not want to drink too often for the same reason. Obviously, all carbonated and sugar-containing drinks are absolutely to be avoided.
  7. I wait for being thirsty before drinking. When you feel thirsty, it is already late. Your body is warning you that you have lost water. Experts recommend drinking small amounts of water often rather than a lot of water in a few moments of the day. It is important to keep the body hydrated throughout the day to avoid headaches, dizziness or feelings of fatigue.
Photo by Clint McCoy on Unsplash

And you, what habits have you adopted to fight heat waves like that one of this summer?

Would More Money Make You Happier?

Markus Persson, a Swedish 36-year-old business man, spends his time on Twitter, where he talks about his life and that of his company. One day, he twitted something that will change his life.

Markus created in 2009 the video game called Minecraft, a kind of virtual Lego game that has become a social phenomenon. But, all of a sudden, he ends up getting tired of running his business, Mojang.

So, one evening in June 2014, he announced on Twitter that he would sell Mojang. In no time one IT giant contacted him and bought it for 2.5 billion dollars (2.2 billion euros).

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

On permanent vacation or lying in his luxury villa, he continues to tell about his life on Twitter: he complains that he no longer sees his friends, that parties in Ibiza have become boring…to make a long story short, he gets depressed.

Markus may be the victim of what is called the “Easterlin Paradox“, after the name of the economist who demonstrated it. Richard Easterlin has observed over several years that while the per capita income in the US increased, the proportion of people saying being “very happy” did not increase at the same time.

Later, other researchers found that the more money you made, the happier you felt but there was a limit: up to 75,000 dollars (about 68,000 euros) per year per household. Over this amount of money, the extra money would not make you happier!

Markus earned far more than 75,000 dollars but he has no friends, no plans for the future, and he is also depressed. He even ends up arguing with lots of people on Twitter, making comments deemed racist and misogynist.

As a result, in 2019 the big IT company who bought his business does not invite him to the 10 year anniversary of Minecraft, and deleted his name from the credits of the game. Markus gained a lot of money, but he also lost a lot.

Do you agree with the Easterlin Paradox? Would you be happier with more money? Would 75,000 dollars be enough to have a happy life? In my case, I would be definitely happy with 75,000 dollars a year!

Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

Exchange of Things: I Give Something to You, You Give Something to Me

Summer 1959, Moscow. During an official meeting, the head of the Soviet Union, Nikita Khrushchev, drinks a Pepsi Cola. Yes, victory! A member of the meeting discreetly welcomes.

The happy man is a representative of the famous American brand of drinks, Donald Kendall. That evening, Kendall had one goal: to convince the Russians to sell their drink in that immense country.

But Kendall shouted victory too early. If Khrushchev likes Pepsi, we are still in the times of the “cold war”. We don’t really talk about consuming a product from capitalist America!

But a few years later, when relations between the two countries improve, Pepsi tries again. And this time the Russians also see an interest in them because they can sell vodka to the Americans.

The deal can only be done without using the currency: Russia rejects the dollars of the American capitalists and cannot bring out the rubles from the country.

Then we return to the oldest form of exchange: bartering. The Russians authorize Americans to sell their drink on their soil in exchange for selling vodka on American soil.

This Pepsi exchange for vodka has continued for years, but in 1979 the US no longer wants to exchange Pepsi for vodka.

So Pepsi finds an alternative. Instead of regulating trade in vodka, the Russians will be able to pay with their old warships. Pepsi thus resells the old scrap metal to make a good profit.

Photo by Nick Jio on Unsplash

What do you think about it? Have you ever exchanged items with your friends? Would you like to do it, like when you were a child and you exchanged stickers?

Do you know that there are Local Exchange Trading Systems (LETS) where you can trade not only things but also services?

In times of crisis, it would be good to start applying new economic models, like the sharing economy, where individuals can hire out things like their cars, homes and time to others in a peer-to-peer modality. We exchanged our home for vacation for many years through a website called Home Based Holidays, and on the Web you can find many more. No worries about your belongings: they come to you place, but you go to theirs!

Once, at a second hand market I bought a sweater made by a famous French brand for 2 euros. I was astonished and the lady told me: What I don’t like any longer, you may like it.

Actually this is the principle: instead of buying things that we maybe use only once, or we get tired of soon, like children with their toys, we could start exchanging them.

It will be a step towards a more sustainable economy, that will bring us some benefits like reducing negative environmental impacts by decreasing the amount of goods needed to be produced, and cutting down on industry pollution. It will also increase recycling items and grant access to people who can’t afford buying certain types of goods or use them only from time to time.

All this is also in the perspective of the degrowth theory, that will let us go towards strengthening our belonging to our local community.

By the way, I have been using that sweater since then!

Photo by Norwood Themes on Unsplash