La legge d’attrazione – Un viaggio personale

Ho letto Il Segreto di Rhonda Byrne in un periodo molto difficile della mia vita. Avevo perso il lavoro, stavo per lasciare la casa nella quale abitavo perché era stata messa in vendita e io non volevo comprarla. Un mio amico mi regalò questo libro. Non l’ho letto subito. L’ho messo nella libreria, fra gli altri libri che attendevano di essere letti.

Poi sono mi sono trasferita in un altro paese a me sconosciuto, l’Estonia. Avevo ricevuto un’offerta di lavoro per Tallinn. All’inizio tutto andava alla grande e la mia vita sembrava perfetta. Ma solo dopo un paio di mesi si rivelò un incubo. Il mio capo era una donna egocentrica, forse anche narcisista, comunque capace di manipolare le persone. Credo davvero che lei mi abbia molestato per tutto il tempo che ho lavorato con lei. Un’indagine condotta successivamente, confermò la mia idea.

Quindi cominciai a pensare a come uscire da questa situazione. Mandai molte domande di lavoro ma senza successo.

Decisi perciò di iscrivermi a corso per diventare coach. Per diventare coach, bisogna prima fare coaching su sé stessi.

Durante i miei studi e la formazione, mi sono imbattuta nella Legge d’attrazione. Allora mi sono ricordata di avere il libro Il Segreto, così ho cominciato a leggerlo e l’ho finito in un paio di giorni.

Ho capito immediatamente che Legge d’attrazione aveva funzionato su di me proprio secondo quello che avevo pensato! Infatti, avevo rimuginato da molto tempo su tutto quello che il mio capo avrebbe potuto dirmi per licenziarmi e quando mi convocò nel suo ufficio usò quasi le stesse parole che io avevo pensato! Troppo pensieri negativi avevano prodotto tanta negatività nella mia vita. Perciò, mi sono detta che se la Legge d’attrazione funzionava per le cose negative, avrebbe funzionato anche per le cose positive.

Ho cominciato immediatamente il mio percorso per trovare il vero scopo della mia vita, per realizzare il mio sogno. Sono ancora lontano dalla mia meta, ma passo dopo passo ci arriverò.

Devi sapere che la Legge d’attrazione non funziona come una bacchetta magica. Devi lavorare sulla tua mente, addestrarla al cambiamento, imparare a controllarla.  Per questo ci vuole tempo. I miracoli non succedono il giorno dopo, ma vedrai che quando meno te lo aspetti, il tuo desiderio si avvera.

Se vuoi trovare lo scopo della tua vita e stabilire un percorso per far funzionare la Legge d’attrazione anche su di te, mettiti in contatto con me cliccando qui.

Che cosa è la resilienza?

Che cosa è la resilienza? La resilienza è la capacità di recuperare rapidamente da difficoltà, resistere allo stress e sopravvivere a possibili catastrofi personali, familiari o ambientali. Le persone resilienti credono fermamente che i fallimenti possono essere delle opportunità per imparare, per sviluppare nuove abilità, idee o per decidere sulla carriera. Puoi leggere ulteriormente sul significato dell’essere resilienti qui.

Secondo gli psicologi, si può sviluppare la resilienza in molti modi. Prima, fai esercizio fisico regolarmente e dormi a sufficienza, in modo da poter controllare lo stress più facilmente. Più sei forte fisicamente ed emotivamente, più sarà facile superare le sfide quotidiane. Poi, concentrati sul pensare positivamente e cercai di imparare dalle esperienze passate. Costruisci relazioni forti con colleghi ed amici, in modo tale da poter contare su una rete di appoggio. Stabilisci obiettivi personali specifici e raggiungibili che corrispondano ai tuoi valori e che ti guideranno verso la loro realizzazione Lavora sulla costruzione della fiducia in te stesso.

Dai un’occhiata a queste storie di persone che hanno dimostrato resilienza superando i fallimenti e realizzando successi (video in inglese):

famous entrepreneur stories

23 Incredibly Successful People Who Failed At First

Vorresti imparare come rispondere alle sfide quotidiane della vita in modo più equilibrato e sostenibile?
Vorresti capire i tuoi sentimenti, le tue emozioni, le tue necessità e le tue limitazioni?
Vorresti cominciare a pensare positivamente e ad essere creativo?
Mettiti in contatto con me, ti aiuterò a diventare resiliente!

Learning To Be Unhappy

I know, usually you would say “learning to be happy”. But, after having read a lot about happiness, I found out that you also would need to learn how to manage your being unhappy.

Is it really necessary to be happy all the time to be successful in life? What is the real meaning of being happy?

Some reaserchers state that happiness means designing your own quality of life and also finding ways to strive for continuous improvement. They say that we all have a social purpose to live for, that is our mission. If you keep a journal, for instance, you would be able to evaluate the activities that make you happy and compare them with those that make you unhappy. In this way you may have a choice. You can also compare yourself with others’ activities to find out what makes them happy and get inspired. It doesn’t mean that you have to compare yourself with the others: you are unique, and  in some cases you don’t even know those people very well.

Moreover, there is not a single recipe to be happy. Not everyone will be happy by practising meditation or sports, for instance. There are, however, factors that will influence your happiness:  valuable relationships, a meaningful job,  work-life balance, a great partner and good health. In any case, you may find someone who is not happy in spite of the fact that they have a good job and they get along well with their partner.

However, there are also researchers saying that it not important to target happiness as such, but you would need to to learn how to be unhappy, that you would need to accept moments of unhappiness without judgement.

Some scientists see with a critical eye today’s trend on being always positive. Avoiding facing distress, sorrow, misery is not a solution. You can’t ignore being unhappy, you have to accept it for what it is. You can also share your negative feelings or emotions with others, it will help you creating and strengthening relationships. When you are worried and you know that someone will listen to you, you may feel a bit better after having shared your distress and discomfort.

Isn’t living together one of the objectives of life ? Actually, those pretending always being happy end up in being alone, isolated and of course unhappy. This sounds like a paradox but if you try to accept your unhappiness as a moment in your life that will fade away sooner or later, you will be more content.

The most important thing is to be happy with the life we live, acknowledging and accepting ups and downs that are part of our life: c’est la vie.

 

Make the Difference in Job Interviews

Most of recruiters use behavioural questions during job interview in order to get an idea if you have the skills and competences that match with the needed profile.

The rationale behind is that if they know how you performed in the past it will help them to get an idea of how you might do in the future.

Be ready to tell stories that illustrates your past performance. There are some common acronyms used in conveying a specific sequence of job-related that will help you to remember the scripts. The trick of using acronyms is that the first letters will help you to recall your story-telling during an interview. Acronyms are mind-maps to keep you focused and on track.

Here are the most common:

CAB: Challenge – Action – Behaviour
PAR: Problem – Action – Result
STAR: Situation/Task – Action – Result
SPARE: Situation/Problem – Action – Result – Enthusiasm
SBO: Situation – Behavior – Outcome

These acronyms remind you to include the important parts of your story — in a chronological sequence. Consider them a template when scripting your stories. Every story has a beginning, middle and end. Naturally, all parts are essential for a complete story.

  • The Beginning — Why you did it: The reason, problem, task or situation.
  • The Middle — How you did it: The action part of your story.
  • The End — What was the outcome or result: The end of the story.

Whenever you are asked for an illustration of your past work, such as, “Tell me about a time when…” or “Can you give me an example…,” think of it as your cue to tell a story, using an acronym.

The Story

If you are asked during the interview, “Tell me about a time when you had to handle an angry customer?”

To be effective, you need to cite a specific example of a past work success. Use an acronym to recall the details of your experience and move the story from beginning to end. Let’s use the acronym PAR:

Problem/Situation: “A customer called and was upset about his bill and the extra charges on his account. He was yelling and calling me names.”

Action: “The first thing I did was let him talk and get it all out. When he began to calm down, I let him know that I understood his problem. I asked for additional information to make sure I had all the facts. I told him I would call him back within three hours. I then researched his account and the reasons for the extra charges. I did find some errors and presented them to my boss with a recommendation for rectifying the problem. My boss agreed with my findings. I called the customer back and let him know that the problem had been resolved.”

Result: “The customer was impressed with my efficient handling of the situation. He apologized for yelling and for taking his frustration out on me. He even offered to send my boss an email regarding my excellent customer service and follow-through.”

Notice that all the key parts of the story are there. The point of this account is to demonstrate your successful experience in dealing with irate customers.

Using acronyms to prepare your success stories will make a big difference in your interview performance. An acronym helps you remember the details of the story without having to memorize a scripted version. Use your mental outline and follow the pattern.

Communicating with Influence

The modern workplace is changing, and holding a senior position within an organisation no longer automatically means that you can influence your team members. You may often have to convince both bosses and colleagues of the merits of your strategy or idea.

This means that you need a range of influencing tactics, to ensure that you are comfortable influencing different people at different times and in different situations.

You can use more than one way to convince your colleagues of your plan’s strengths. You can use both logic and emotion; demonstrate both the positive aspects of the plan and the negative aspects of the alternatives.

There are four strategies you can consider:

  1. Investigator
  2. Calculator
  3. Motivator
  4. Collaborator

1. Investigators draw on facts and figures to support a logical and methodical approach. To become adept at this style of influencing, it is important to feel comfortable handling data, finding information that supports your strategy, and then using it to form a convincing argument.

Information gathering is the first step. Effective influencers of this type collect two main types of information: background data, which informs their view of the world, and task-related data, that is for a specific purpose. Be sure to chunk your information before delivering, to avoid audience stops listening. And be sure also to avoid information overload!

2. Calculators  tend to use logic to influence and will likely be good debaters.

This style depends on giving time and effort to in-depth analysis and the creation of a well-structured argument. Skills associated with this approach include: the ability to weigh options, the capacity to provide feedback, and an understanding of when to offer concessions.

Stick to the facts so that you keep your credibility, but remember to contrast your proposal’s benefits with the risks of inaction in a way that your listeners can relate to.

3. Motivators use emotions and the “big picture” to communicate compelling visions of the future. While some people seem to be natural motivators, there are some simple lessons that can teach any of us to influence through motivation.

You can add structure to your enthusiasm, and maximise the impact of any presentation you have to give. You may would like to use the Monroe’s Motivated Sequence. In five steps you will gain your audience’s attention, and leave team members with specific actions that they can take afterwards.

You might think that you lack the natural charisma to be a Motivator, but the good news is that this trait can be developed. You can learn to be more engaging, likeable and inspiring. Concentrate on your body language, help others to feel good, and show empathy, assertiveness and confidence.

4. Collaborators use motivation too, but they persuade people by involving them in the decision.

Collaborators are great team builders. They engage people’s hearts and minds. This helps people to own the process of change for themselves. In these circumstances, your role is to be a facilitator rather than trying to convince team members logically.

To be a collaborator, you likely need: the ability to share power, the capacity to listen actively, and the willingness to communicate openly.

And you, which one of these influencing strategies are you most and least comfortable with?

 

New Language Learning: The Positive Effects on Your Brain

Learning a new language is like learning to drive: it does not matter in which order you learn to steer, use the brake, or change gear. It’s what you do as a whole that is important, not which component you learn first.

The latest breakthroughs in the neurosciences, combined with innovative technology for measuring brain activity, are shedding new light on the neural basis of foreign language learning. The functions of the brain during language acquisition are associated with one of the brain hemispheres. The assignment of these functions to a certain half is called lateralisation and is completed before puberty. This explains why this is often indicated as the age limit for acquiring a language with native-like skills.

However, nowadays we know that both hemispheres are involved in language acquisition and production, with different tasks and purposes:

  • The right half ensures the global perception of the context, and comprehension of the connotation of the language, i.e. metaphors, irony, humour, etc.
  • The left half has an analytical perception (cause-effect), which allows the person to understand the logical part of the message.

In other words, both sides of our brain are complementary when learning a language, as the right hemisphere will help us to understand the lexical part of the message as well as its emotional connotation, while the left half will decode its grammar, and phonetic and logical components.

The efficiency of the neuronal networks which are responsible for these functions rely on several factors. First, for example, the age you start learning a new language matters, and the frequency of exposition and use of the language itself. In addition, the level of emotional involvement matters, and the personal learning style of the learner. Thus, the more involved and motivated an adult is, the easier it is to get through the same stages they went through when learning to speak their mother tongue.

Findings on how our brain works when learning a new language have had a major impact on language learning over the years. Over recent decades, the focus of second language learning has shifted from a more traditional approach targeting grammar, learning by repetition and memorisation, to a more dynamic one where the learner can adjust their learning experience and find what is best for their learning style. Therefore, the traditional teacher-centred model has ceded ground to the learner-centred one.

Beside these new studies in neurosciences, the big 21st century sociological trends have also contributed to changing the way we learn a language.

Mastering excellent communication skills has become a must. Nowadays, public speaking and presentation skills are considered important for both studying and working, and communication has quickly become a symbol of positive leadership. Social media also did a lot to spread this way of communicating, part of a new knowledge sharing.

Another big trend is the digital revolution, which is having important consequences on our learning style. E-learning is evolving at a fast pace and learning a new language with digital support is getting easier and easier. Visual, audio and virtual exercises help learners to immerse themselves in the language and culture they want to study with a methodology that simulates the instinctive language acquisition in children. The advantage is that you do it at your own pace, whenever and wherever it suits you best.

Finally, the multicultural societies in which we live have also influenced our learning style and motivation. Today we no longer study a foreign language to get a better job, as it was probably the case a few decades ago. Now, institutions promote multilingualism from primary school to open pupils’ minds, encourage them to discover new cultures and use these to enrich their own personality.

Unplug your mind, find yourself

When e-mails, text messages, conference calls, Webex, Whatspp, FB, Instagram, Tweeter, Google and anything else from your partner to your boss invade our lives, it becomes necessary for our survival to stop for a while and be silent.

Our always connected minds take us away from the best of ourselves and our creative potential.

Referring constantly to what one or the other has said, we forget to connect to our essential being, which is unique and precious.

We have become individuals driven by technological change that moved away from ourselves, from our awareness of being human, from the first component of Emotional Intelligence (EI). EI is recognized today as a condition of success in a Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA) world, as it is the one we live today.

Refocusing, looking inside, listening to silence and our inner voice. In the depths of ourselves we find an enormous amount of resources and our most authentic creativity: it is our treasure, a unique, rich and colorful, magical place where everything is open and possible.

In this space, we can find synchronicity, messages and insights that will enable us to make the right decisions for our lives.

In this space real relationships can arise, authentic relationships between sincere people who are now masked by the ego that continues to rule us.

What to do then?

Give yourself moments of silence! Be for a while without your mobile phone. Go out for a walk without it, walk with no direction in the nature and feel, look, listen, use all your senses to the maximum.

Be present in this unique moment and let yourself be pervaded by the harmony that surrounds you.

Practice your favorite hobby, and if you do not have it, think about finding one. Quietly cooking at home, knitting, painting, drawing, gardening and all the other activities that you may be passionate about.

Stop for a moment and stop moving from one activity to another, from one piece of information to another. Your brain can not take it anymore, it also needs a rest. Give yourself time to deepen the reasons of your choices and discover the reason of your being, your purpose.

So many people today cannot make a decision, if it has not been recommended by someone, a friend, a colleague, or a family member.

People feel lost. Most probably they are really lost: they have disconnected from themselves to live in connection with the social networks.

It is not my intention to condemn social networks and sources of information, I also use them. The problem is their overuse: a lot of people nowadays lives constantly with an external reference and far away from their real life.

I can accompany you on a journey where you will learn to clear some space for your inner needs. I will show you techniques to manage your stress that will help you to go back to your daily occupations in a more balanced way. And live your life fully. You deserve it!

Creativity: the skill of the future

Creativity is among the top three skills of the future.  I try to clarify this concept and give you more resources to explore it further.

We often associate creativity with artistic or innovational abilities, that only certain special people have. Those people are supposed to live a life of free expression and to produce ingenious works of arts or invent something useful for the human kind.

However, according to creativity expert, Sir Ken Robinson, this view of creativity is erroneous. Robinson, whose talk on this subject remains the most viewed video on Ted.com, states that:

  • creativity is essential for all spheres of work and life, not just the arts,
  • we are all born creative, but grow out of it,
  • creativity does not require freedom from boundaries and usually takes place within a given framework,
  • creativity is a process, rather than an event, and consequently,
  • it can be learned by all.

Creativity is closely linked to, but different from imagination and innovation. This definition of the concept identifies two phases of the creative process:

  1. generating ideas,
  2. making judgements (evaluating the value of those ideas).

This helps explain why so many different factors may be conducive to creativity, such as intellectual abilities, knowledge, styles of thinking, motivation, certain personality traits and environment.

Even though there is limited scientifically sound conclusions on how to become more creative, a number of techniques may help:

There are a lot of resources available on the Internet that will help you boosting your capacity to create original and useful work:

Have fun!

New Year’s Resolutions

New year’s resolutions are very common at the beginning of each year.

The most difficult thing is to achieve them. We get bored, we start thinking we could never accomplish them, we have too many things to do and why bothering to take those for serious? But you don’t need to set unrealistic resolutions, you can set something like the following, that are not that difficult too achieve, if you really want to.

Here they are:

  1. Spend more time with friends, or your beloved ones doing anything you really like. It’s the best way to feel connected, even if you are an introvert type. You can create a routine out of it, like joining a club that gathers each first Monday of the month, for instance
  2. Everyday, find a way to thank someone. This is great happiness booster. You can start with being thankful for all what you have, the place you live, the job you have, the gym club you go, all that is part of the abundance that surrounds you. Day after day you’ll become an expert and you will be thankful for a blossoming flower, the rising sun, a baby smiling at you
  3. Get more sleep and exercise. If you sleep less than 7-8 hours each night, you can start by increasing your sleeping time 10 minutes a night for a week, then another 10 the next week, and so on until you reach your optimal sleeping time.
  4. After the winter holidays, we all feel a bit overweight. Starting with a physical activity will help you not only in loosing some weight but also in feeling in a better mood. Physical activity in the long run gives you more endorphins, the hormones that inhibit the transmission of pain signals and may also produce a feeling of euphoria.

Good luck and may you achieve your goals in 2019!

Personal Agility

One interpretation of personal agility is that it is a self-management concept consisting of three main attributes: adaptability, proactivity and resilience.  The profile of an agile person, then, is someone who is:

1. Adaptive – able to adjust to different organisational conditions (new equipment, new ways of working, projects, teams);

2. Proactive – able to respond promptly and to look for opportunities in the changed environment, and

3. Resilient – able to cope under changing or unknown conditions or when facing difficulty or failure.

 How does one develop personal agility? Adopting these behaviours can help:

1. Expect change to happen

2. Embrace ambiguity

3. Learn to reframe your thoughts 

4. Accept failure and learn from mistakes

5. Be curious

6. Develop a can-do attitude

7. Distinguish between two main groups of stressors: those that are out of your control and those that you can confront

Being agile does not mean saying ‘yes’ to everything. On the contrary. And while this may be a self-management concept, whether one is agile or not will be influenced by the organisational context. 

Nevertheless, there is plenty we can do to become more agile. We have gathered some resources for you below. In addition, find inspiration in those, who more easily adopt an agile mindset, like children.