He did so because the British government had chemically castrated him, humiliated him and tried him because he was gay.
For this reason there is a bitten apple on the Apple logo, in honor of Alan Turing.
Alan Turing invented computer science and using his first drawings deciphered the Enigma code – the encrypted machine that the Nazis and the German army used to communicate secret commands with each other during World War II.
Thanks to this, he saved millions of human lives and with him began the modern era of computer science.
Alan Turing’s story should remind us that Pride is not just about dancing on floats and waving a rainbow flag.
Above all, it must remind us that everyone has the right to be happy, to love everyone who wants to love and to recognize the remarkable contribution that we all can make in a society free from fear or prejudice.
One day, a professor entered the classroom and asked the students to get ready for a surprise test.
They all waited anxiously at their desks for the exam to begin.
The professor handed out the exams with the text facing down, as usual. Once he handed them all out, he asked the students to turn over the papers.
To everyone’s surprise, there were no questions – just a black dot in the middle of the paper sheet.
The professor, seeing the expression on everyone’s faces, told them the following: “I want you to write about what you see there.”
The students, confused, got started on the inexplicable task.
When the given time was over, the professor took back all the papers, and started reading each one aloud, in front of all the students.
All of them, with no exception, defined the black dot, trying to explain why it was in the middle of the sheet.
After all had been read, and the classroom was silent, the professor started to explain: “I’m not going to give you a note on this, I just wanted to give you something to think about. No one wrote about the white part of the paper. Everyone focused on the black dot. The same happens in our lives.”
Life is like a piece of paper to write on, observe and enjoy, but we always focus on the dark spots.
Life is a gift, and we always have reasons to celebrate – nature renewing itself daily, friends around us, the job that provides us money to live, the love of our partner, our children, and much more.
The dark spots are very small when compared to everything we have in our lives, but they’re the ones that pollute our mind.
Take your eyes away from the black dots in your life. Enjoy each one of your blessings and each moment that life gives you. Be happy and just live!
We all seek happiness because we think that when we are happy, we have everything. When joy fills our souls, life lights up, our hearts open up and our hands stretch out. On the contrary, when our soul is darkened, when sadness pervades our lives, everything becomes more difficult. Where and how to find happiness?
Where to find happiness
We often seek happiness outside of ourselves. Of course, the joy that comes from the outside brings us joy as well. Dinner with friends, a successful exam, a new experience…
Unfortunately, these are ephemeral moments that will not last long. It would be good for you if you can remember them with nostalgia.
However, there is also a type of joy that does not depend on external events, it does not have elements that have triggered it, in short, it does not depend on anything.
It can be said that this is a free happiness, as Jean Klein defined it, namely a form of joy without object. To quote some of his words: “spontaneous state of interior silence that we can open ourselves to our true nature: the ‘I Am’ of pure consciousness.”
It is a joy without object because it does not come from the world, it has another origin. This happiness comes from pure existence, from our being in the here and now.
How to find happiness
We knew this joy very well when we were children. Then, slowly, growing up, we miss it.
Sometimes it returns when we do not have worries, we are particularly relaxed and in a good mood.
But if you can transcend everyday life, stay silent and focus on your breathing even for a few minutes, you find yourself and the essence of life in the here and now.
Among the positive affirmations, you can find the affirmation “I am” that does not mean identifying with oneself as a person with name, surname, date of birth, etc.
Transcending yourself means stripping yourself of your individual identity so that you can quickly experience the happiness of your pure being.
Non-Violent Communication (NVC) developed by Marshall Rosenberg is a form of philosophy of life that seeks on the one hand to strengthen relationships (starting with the one with yourself) and on the other it is a way to begin a dialogue favouring mutual understanding, open mind and kindness.
NVC aims to connect people in a peaceful way, using words without offending people, without attacking them and at the same time without annihilating yourself. It is an assertive way of communication. We listen to understand.
In these times of uncertainty and difficulty due to the persistence of the Covid emergency, we are super stressed and sometimes we can have excessive verbal reactions, which we may regret later.
We can consider the NVC as a real tool for maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves and with others. Who hasn’t ever wanted to express themselves so as not to hurt or attack the other?
NCV consists of a simple method of clear and empathic communication, based on these four steps.
Observation of the facts.
Try to identify the fact without expressing any judgement. E.g. “It’s two o’clock in the morning and I hear music coming from your room” (fact) is different from saying: “It’s too late to make all that noise” (judgement).
Feelings.
Express the feelings that accompany the observation. Or, imagine what the other person feeling is and ask them. E.g. “You are about to take an exam and I see you walking back and forth (observation). Are you nervous?”
Recognition of needs.
Express the needs that give rise to certain feelings. E.g. “I am a bit upset and would like to talk. Is this the right time for you?”
Formulation of requests.
Ask clearly and precisely what you want. E.g. “I noticed that you are very silent today (fact). Are you bored? (feeling).” If the answer is yes, try to communicate your feelings and make a proposal: “Well, I’m bored too. How about going out for a walk?”.
Finally, the ultimate purpose of NVC is to find a way in which each person can express what they consider important without blaming, humiliating, embarrassing, or threatening others. It serves to resolve conflicts, get in tune with people and live in a conscious and attentive way of their needs, finding a compromise with your own.
NCV helps us to discover our experiences and our aspirations and to express them with firmness and kindness.
Furthermore, it also allows us to make ourselves better understood and to understand others better, by easing intra and interpersonal tensions. NVC offers keys to understand our limits and to welcome the actions and reactions of others without letting ourselves be overwhelmed!
Thanks to this tool you can lose the fear of expressing yourself and gain more confidence in your abilities.
Our mind is fascinating. It has its own rhythm, unique perceptions and we are not aware of all its possibilities yet. Waves of thought run through our mind but I must say that unfortunately most of them are negative. However, you need to know that there is a way out to go around your negative inner monologue: positive affirmations.
I read about the importance of positive affirmations in one book of Louise Hay.
Affirmations are short positive sentences that motivate you, inspire you and encourage you to take action to achieve your goals. To make them work you have to repeat these phrases several times throughout the day, to make them stay etched in your unconscious mind.
Repetition can change your habits, behaviour, and point of view. As you may know, words are powerful. Regular repetition, aloud, but also within you, turns into thoughts that create your reality. Positive thoughts have the power to overcome internal negative speech. You may find it odd to say phrases like “I choose to be happy” in front of a mirror, but I assure you that these statements really help you reinforce the good vibes. Regular repetition of affirmations becomes your truth.
A statement firmly and confidently declares a positive thought and transforms it as a truth. By integrating these positive statements into your daily routine, you help your mind prioritize positivity.
According to some researchers, affirmations can help you work better. Spending a few minutes reflecting on your abilities before a stressful meeting, for example, can calm your nerves, increase your confidence, and improve your chances of success. Affirmations can also help you relieve stress.
Here are some of the benefits you can get from practising affirmations regularly:
Become happier. Affirmations allow you to recognize the things that keep you from being happy, because you focus on what you really want in life. In addition, your mood will get better.
See things in perspective. We often take the simplest things for granted. Using affirmations allows you to remind yourself that the simplest things are the most important. For example, if you are in good health, by using the statement “I am in good health” you can focus on this point and appreciate it more.
Reduce negative thoughts. Since most of our thoughts are unconscious (and negative), positive affirmations allow you to become more aware of your thought patterns and feelings, thereby reducing the risk of creating a recurring negative thought.
To get the best out of affirmation practice, you need to observe these three basic rules:
Plan repetition during specific moments throughout the day. Good times could be in the morning as soon as you get up or in the evening before going to bed. Each of us will find the best time to devote to repeating affirmations.
Use the verb in the present, because you want results now and not in the future. Furthermore, the brain only understands the present tense.
Do not use the negative form (for instance, do not say “I don’t take into account judgements from the others” but “judgements from the others are irrelevant to me”).
There are no strict rules on the frequency of repetitions. Nevertheless, according to psychotherapist Ronald Alexander of the Open Mind Training Institute, the statements can be repeated three to five times a day to reinforce the positive effect.
Do you like to write? Perfect! Writing your affirmations in a journal and reading them in front of a mirror is an effective way to make them more powerful.
Here are some affirmations you could practice if you want to try if they work for you too:·
I believe in myself and I trust my abilities.
I am the creator of my thoughts.
I am a successful person.
I choose to be happy.
An amazing family and very good friends surround me.
I am strong and courageous.
When I go to bed, everything is as it has to be and I fall asleep peacefully.
Three monks were bringing oil jars to their monastery. For some days, they had practised inner silence following the advice of the senior monk.
As they walked, a stranger who was lost in the forest came by and asked for directions to the nearest village. The three monks looked at each other. The younger monk decided to interrupt the vow and showed the man the shortest way to get to the village. The stranger thanked him and left.
The three monks started walking again and, after a short stretch of road, one of the two monks broke the silence by scolding the young man for speaking. The other monk, meanwhile, continued to mutter within himself.
Arriving at the monastery, he blurted out asking the two why they had interrupted the vow of silence.
The elderly monk of the community was observing and heard what had happened.
He then approached the three monks, saying: “Venerable brothers, it is true that the younger monk spoke and answered that stranger, but it was an act of kindness and it stopped there. You, on the other hand, had no reason to speak. Moreover, you carried a grudge throughout the journey, while you should let it go.”
How can you resist the temptation to drink a good glass of wine, eat a piece of cake or skip the gym and go to the cinema instead?
“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it” said Oscar Wilde.
Diet, sport, sleeping enough are fine, but sometimes indulging in the breach of the rule helps your psycho-physical well-being and eases the performance anxiety that often accompanies a healthy lifestyle.
However, in addition to giving in to temptations, we can learn to control them.
A child is left alone in a room in front of a Marshmallow: they can choose whether to eat it immediately or wait 15 minutes and get two as a reward. Some children will know how to wait; others, unable to resist, will throw themselves on that inviting sugar candy.
The professor compared throughout the years the self-control skills shown by children with the successes achieved in their adult age and found out that those who did not eat the marshmallow achieved more goals in life.
Is self-control therefore the secret of success? Is it postponing rewards really more likely to bring success in life?
The Mischel experiment actually explains how self-control is fundamental in studying, in sport, at work and in many other circumstances of your life.
Self-control means knowing how to make decisions in the right time and in the right place to improve your skills to not yield to the temptation of a marshmallow.
People who are best at mastering their decision-making are generally people who are better off. They eat well, play sports, get enough sleep. These people structure their lives around good habits and build routines that are easy to follow.
Eating a piece of pie is not a moral failure, even if you have decided to go on a diet. Giving up on the piece of cake may cause you more stress and therefore cause you more harm than eating it. The trick is rather to avoid buying a cake or passing in front of a cake! But don’t feel guilty if you eat a slice. Don’t forget that an excess of willpower can also be more harmful because, as mentioned before, it can cause additional stress.
Self-control depends on your choices and it is your responsibility. Stress has become a personal burden, which you are called to manage alone with the help of techniques, like meditation, coaching, yoga.
Remember that it is important to recognize your own limits because it makes you become aware of the fact that you cannot be perfect and control everything.
Life is constant change, Buddha and Aristotle already said it: change is a fact of life. But change has also been accelerating in recent decades. Massive disruption across the social, technological, political and environmental dimensions of our lives means that we are constantly trying to figure out how best to manage uncertainty. And for someone it can be scary.
The origin of this fear can be found in biology. Our brain is the result of two and a half million years of evolution. We have lived in caves much longer than we have in cities. This means that we have “coded” automatic responses to successfully respond to everyday threats.
If absurdly you see a tiger walking down the street, you would not try to understand what breed it is but you would rather try to escape as quickly as possible (flight). Another codified reaction would be to stay still, hoping that the tiger will not see you (freeze). The last possible reaction would be to fight it (fight), with very, very limited chances of success, so your brain would immediately discard it.
Flight, Freeze or Fight are the three primal reactions to events that we perceive as dangerous to our safety.
However, the wonderful circuits that have allowed us to evolve as a species are not suited to addressing the most subtle threats of our age, such as digitization, the pandemic or the risk of losing your job.
These fears are evolutionarily new and are not always easy to manage.
Remember that the brain is designed for your survival, not your happiness. Therefore, to face changes, you have to understand them as opportunities and learn from the potentials they entail. Moreover, this is not as automatic as running away from something dangerous. On the contrary, it takes effort and training.
Let us see how you could get started by following these four tips.
1. First of all, it is important to train your mind daily. Just as you go to the gym or practice by yourself, you need to keep your brain muscle in shape. Try to do something different every day. For example, you could change sources of information when reading the news (also useful to understand various points of view), change your route to go to work, or try a new dish.
2. Second, you can try to consider what happens to you in a different manner. For instance, a good way is reading history to realize that although we live in an age where changes happen very fast, all these progresses have allowed us, for example, to increase our life expectancy.
3. Third, try to disconnect from technology and reconnect with yourself and your surroundings. If you are always immersed in the digital world, you will not have time to integrate learning and to find a certain and needed tranquility. For example, one day during the weekend or on vacation you can put your mobile in the “don’t disturb” mode.
4. Fourth, trust. If you look at the difficulties that you have already faced in the past, you will see that now they look easy to you. If you have already been able to overcome challenging situations, why should not you be able to do it now?
The words you use can change your reality. Language actually generates changes in your brains and changes your perception of the environment around you.
Language is linked to emotions. Your words are constantly sending messages to your brain. According to neuroscientists Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman, negative words cause the increase of cortisol, the stress hormone. Therefore, adopting a negative attitude and using phrases like “I cannot do it”, “I will fail” or “it is impossible” could weaken your personal physical and mental health.
Nowadays, many techniques associated with changing the language to treat various psychological disorders are used. An example of this is the cognitive-behavioural therapy, which demonstrate that promoting positive thinking through the language used by the patient improves their mental state.
This therapy aims to replace patients’ negative views about themselves and their surroundings with more positive ones. The applied techniques have proven to be an effective treatment for disorders such as depression, phobias, addictions or anxiety, as the activity of the brain amygdala increases when you perceive a more prosperous future through positive words. On many occasions, these therapies have proven to be as effective as medicines.
Research has shown that the brain improves when you start using three to five positive expressions for each one negative. Language has a powerful ability to change your world. It affects you negatively when you use a poor, defeatist language but it also works the other way around, namely, when you use positive phrases they will help you change your perception of the world.
Start adopting a series of simple but very effective techniques. For example, use “yet” instead of using only “not”. Saying “I cannot do it” is not the same as saying “I cannot do it yet“. “Yet” leaves the doors open, arouses hope, evokes motivation.
You should not use “but” or, at least, you should build your phrases differently. “But” does not have the same effect when you say, “You did a good job, but you gave it to me late” compared to when you say, “You gave it to me late, but you did a good job.”
Tenses also give you a great opportunity to change your emotions. Instead of using the conditional, try using the future. You change a hypothetical scenario for a true one. It is not the same as saying: “When I write a book, I would speak of happiness” rather than “When I write a book, I will speak of happiness”. Doubt lives in the conditional, certainty in the future.
At the same time, you should avoid words like failure, problem, impossible or guilt in your language and replace them by more inspiring words like challenge or responsibility. The latter not only pushes you to grow and open more doors, but also makes you interact better with others.
Words are not harmless. They can build or tear down walls. By changing your language, you will improve your image, as language is a way to reach others. Remember that the words you use also improve the environment around you.
Crisbie Coach 