Personal Development – Pagina 11

Unexpected Things in Life

Every morning at 7, a turkey sees the farmer approaching to feed him. The first mornings it is a bit scared but then it gains confidence until the Thanksgiving day comes…and the turkey is ready for the oven!

This is a cognitive bias or, rather, a bias of induction, that is, a false belief caused by a well-established habit. When you think that something will happen in a certain way because you are used to it, then you believe that that same thing will always happen like that and you don’t think it may change.

Until when it was discovered that black swans existed in Australia, in Europe we used to believe that only white swans existed.

This type of bias has caused (and will continue to cause) a lot of problems to people, including financial ones (think at economical crisis, for instance).

Turkeys and swans remind us that it is better not to take anything for granted as unexpected things in life happen!

5 Skills to Develop to Get Motivation at Work

“How’s at work?” it is a question that is often asked to us by our loved ones and when we answer, we probably think about the difficulties we face or the discomfort/distress we feel towards our work.

If this is your case, don’t worry because you are not alone.

The work environment has changed a lot in recent years and has become a source of stress and anxiety. Lack of future objectives, frequent changes within the organisation with consequent change of bosses, external and internal competition, digitalisation that transforms working methods and requires the acquisition of new skills, managers who sometimes are incompetent but under pressure for corporate objectives, excessive workload and stress can cause toxic behaviours.

People look for motivation at work. Autonomy, mastery and purpose are part of it.

You know what I think about happiness at work, but we can try to develop these 5 skills to feel better at work and find our own motivation.

Accept imperfection: your own, the one of others and the one of the environment. Perfectionism is an important source of our suffering. Being 100% consistent, rejecting your own failures, setting too ambitious goals, all this may lead to a situation of permanent dissatisfaction. A step towards serenity would be accepting the obstacles of everyday life, making choices and compromises, asking what would be the best future path rather than thinking about what could have been (post-occupations, or being worried about something that has already happened and that obviously we cannot change or influence).
Stimulate your own initiative and your ability to act. At work we can decide to be pro-active or reactive. The reactive person is affected by what happens around her and lets herself be guided by the signals of the environment, both negative and positive. The pro-active person takes the initiative and chooses how to respond to the events. Faced with a difficulty, the reactive person will say “I can’t do anything about it” while the pro-active one will say “let’s see what options we have”. For the reactive person, “they” have the last word, while the pro-active one is the one who decides. Developing your own pro-activity means being inclined to action and putting your creativity, intelligence and energy at the service of what you can do here and now.
Strengthen your self-esteem. We are the first responsible of ourselves and the first sponsors of our well-being. This may seem obvious, but it is essential to feel good about yourself, love yourself, listen to your needs (both body and spirit) and try to satisfy them. It is also important to respect yourself in spite of your own defects, fragilities and imperfections, to appreciate and recognise your own values and qualities, to celebrate successes and achievements. Furthermore, in difficult situations, it is essential to protect yourself, to know how to say no, and to communicate your limits, so not to put yourself in danger.
Develop empathy and learn to communicate effectively with others. Most of our difficulties at work are related to others. Whether they are leaders, colleagues, customers or suppliers, the relationship with the others can be a source of frustration and sometimes of real suffering. In order for this relationship to become healthier, more effective and more serene, empathy may be developed. First of all, we have to respect others and avoid judging them. We do not know them, they may have the same or even more serious problems than us. Then try to get in touch with the person in front of you by understanding her experience, her feelings, her needs but at the same time trying to identify the points in common with her. Communicate sincerely also your emotions, and your needs while maintaining an open mind and attitude towards the person.
Cultivate a learning attitude and practise the ability to learn. To face the unexpected and the difficulties that life presents us, it is essential to always learn. The attitude of the person who wants to learn consists in accepting that the learning path always goes through a phase of incompetence and confusion. Before mastering a subject or finding a solution to a problem, it is normal to feel lost in uncertainty and doubt. Therefore, we have learn to manage these moments as calmly as possible. Let us remember that we learn from our mistakes. A failure is not a decision or a judgment, but rather a result, an answer to an attempt we have made. From this unexpected result, we can learn lessons that will serve as a basis for making other attempts that will then lead to the solution of our problem. Let us also remember that we can learn from everyone else and that it is important to accept feedback to improve. Do not hesitate to question yourself, and try to find important or useful information from the exchange with others. The person prone to learning considers all experiences as an opportunity for personal growth, ultimately for their evolution.

Happiness at Work

Who is happy at work? If you would win € 10 million, would you keep going to work? Not me. I don’t think I would stop working in the sense that I would stop doing any activity, but I would no longer do the work I am doing now. I would dedicate myself to one of my passions, for example travelling. I would also volunteer, I would continue to write this blog and go to Pilates.

In short, I would more or less continue to live the life I am living now without doing the same job and without feeling obliged to earn enough to make my living. This is actually the core issue: in most of the cases we work to support ourselves and our families and not because we like it. So talking about happiness at work is an exaggeration, at least in some cases. Ask an underpaid worker who works on the assembly line if they are happy to go to work. Or to a teacher harassed by the students if their job motivates them. Or a nurse doing stressful night shifts, if they’d rather stay at home to sleep.

The concept of happiness at work seems to me a bit forced, yet a lot of people talk about it, without considering that a large number of employees do not like the work they do but have no other choice, especially in economic downturn such as the current one (at least in Europe). It seems to me a bit like a race towards a goal that cannot be achieved.

Then let’s look at the increase of the cases of burn-out. In Europe, France holds the record with their 10% of active population suffering from burn-out. Is it better in other European countries? Actually, the key question to ask would be if there is a good balance between private life and working life. People are better where Governments implement policies to balance work with life.

The problem of work is therefore the space it occupies in our lives. Attention, space not time. Space means not only the time actually spent at the workplace, but also the time spent thinking about work, the famous work that you take home and that disturbs our private life.

What to do then to change this constant thought that we have towards work?

Have a look at the techniques described in the following posts:

5 Tips to Start The Day Anxiety-Free

5 Reasons Why Hiking Is Good for the Body, Soul And Spirit

How to Relax in 10 Steps: Making Space Within You

Try also to be grateful for what you have without thinking that this means lack of ambition. It simply means to stop chasing a chimera and to seek your well-being in what you have. Well-being, not happiness, because well-being is a state that can become permanent, while happiness is a moment, or some moments, that may fade away soon.

Pursuing well-being means beginning a journey made of small steps that could lead us to happiness but if the longed happiness is not achieved, the most important thing is being well.

Felicità al lavoro?

Scherzi a parte, chi è contento di lavorare? Se vincessi 10 milioni di Euro, continueresti ad andare a lavorare? Io no. Non credo che smetterei di lavorare nel senso che starei a pancia all’aria, ma non farei più il lavoro che faccio adesso e mi dedicherei a una delle mie passioni, per esempio viaggiare. Farei anche volontariato, continuerei a scrivere questo blog e ad andare a Pilates.

Insomma, continuerei più o meno a vivere la vita che sto facendo senza fare lo stesso lavoro e senza sentirmi obbligata a guadagnare a sufficienza per mantenere me stessa e la mia famiglia. È questo in realtà il nocciolo della questione: nella stragrande maggioranza dei casi lavoriamo per mantenerci e non perché ci piace. Quindi parlare di felicità al lavoro è un’esagerazione, almeno in certi casi. Chiedi a un operaio sottopagato che lavora alla catena di montaggio, se è contento di andare a lavorare. Oppure a un insegnante vessato dai suoi alunni, se la sua professione lo soddisfa. O a un infermiere che fa turni stressanti di notte, se piuttosto non preferirebbe starsene a casa sua a dormire.

Il concetto di felicità al lavoro mi sembra un po’ forzato eppure tanti ne parlano, senza considerare che tantissimi lavoratori dipendenti non amano il lavoro che fanno ma non hanno altra scelta, soprattutto in congiunture economiche come quella attuale. Mi sembra un po’ una corsa verso una meta che non si riesce a raggiungere.

Guardiamo poi all’aumento dei casi di burn-out. In Europa, la Francia detiene il primato con il suo 10% di popolazione attiva affetta da burn-out. Negli altri paesi europei si sta meglio? In realtà la domanda chiave da porre sarebbe se c’è un buon equilibrio vita privata e vita lavorativa, cioè si sta meglio dove sono attuate politiche volte a bilanciare il lavoro con la vita. Il problema del lavoro è dunque lo spazio che occupa nella nostra vita. Attenzione, lo spazio non il tempo. Lo spazio non significa il tempo effettivamente passato sul luogo di lavoro, ma il tempo dedicato a pensare al lavoro, il famoso lavoro che si porta a casa e che disturba la nostra vita privata.

Cosa fare dunque per cambiare questo pensiero costante che rivolgiamo al lavoro? Prova a leggere una di queste tecniche:

5 consigli per cominciare la giornata senza ansia

5 ragioni per cui fare un’escursione fa bene

Come rilassarti in 10 passi: crea spazio dentro di te

5 idee per sentirsi bene al lavoro (senza pretendere la perfezione)

Prova anche a ringraziare per quello che hai senza pensare che questo significhi mancanza d’ambizioni. Significa semplicemente smettere di inseguire una chimera e cercare il tuo benessere in quello che hai. Il benessere, non la felicità, perché il benessere è uno stato che può diventare permanente, mentre la felicità un momento, o un insieme di momenti, passeggeri.

Perseguire il benessere significa cominciare un percorso fatto di piccoli passi che potrebbero portarci alla felicità, ma pazienza se non ci conducono a questa meta ambita. L’importante è stare bene.

A Somali Tale

A woman begged a shaman for a potion that would “make her husband love her again”. She explained that her husband fought in the war, he was warm, loving, and laughed easily. But since his return he was angry, and distant. The more she tried to hug him, and draw him back to her, the worse it became. The shaman was her last hope.

The shaman listened patiently to the woman’s story. When she was finished he said, “I think I can help you. I will make you a love potion, but you must go find one of the ingredients.”. She said she would. He told her that the love potion must contain a whisker from a live tiger. This was the only way he could help make her husband love her again. She was distraught. “How can I possibly get a whisker from a beast as fierce and powerful as a tiger?” The shaman shrugged and left her to tears.

The next day she went to a place where she had once seen a tiger. On that day she saw nothing more that monkeys fighting in the trees and birds flying in the air. On the second day, she stayed a little longer and found a comfortable place to sit. But she did not see the tiger.

Weeks passed. One morning she sensed his presence before she saw him. She didn’t move but the tiger saw her anyway and ran away. It was a week before she saw him again. Curios, the tiger stopped running away.

Finally, after months of bringing the tiger good things to eat and ever so slowly reaching out to pet him, he finally was so comfortable with the woman that he fell asleep under her stroking hand. Once he was asleep she took a very sharp knife and gently cut one single whisker from the tiger’s muzzle.

The next day she brought the whisker to the shaman, and asked for the potion that would make her husband love her again. The shaman said “You do not need any potion. Throw away the whisker, keep the knowledge you have gained, and your husband will learn to love you once more.”

What have your learned from this story? Share it with me!

How to Relax in 10 Steps: Making Space Within You

Making Space is an exercise in becoming aware of what’s going on in you and finding a little space between you and your concerns. This can help you to take a moment to relax and to develop good conditions in yourself before you start doing something else.

The exercise is simple though very helpful, you only have to follow these instructions:

1. Sit comfortably and put away, or better switch off any mobile device or source of distraction. If you live with someone, tell her that you need some minutes to be on your own and in silence.

2. Try to be good a companion to yourself. You can do this by giving yourself a big hug, of welcoming yourself like you would welcome a good friend.

3. If you want, close your eyes for a while and observe your breathing. Notice how you simply breathe in and out, without needing to change this pattern.

4. Let your attention come down into your body. Be aware of your physical body. Start with your feet and legs, your arms and hands, and then sense the contact of your body with whatever you’re sitting on. Now bring awareness into the middle part of your body, sensing your throat, and your chest, and your belly. Let your awareness rest in this whole middle area of your body.

5. Ask yourself the question: “What is my mind busy with now?” or “How am I feeling right now?” or “How is my life going?” or “What are my main concerns for me right now?”

6. Notice everything that comes to your mind and what you observe in your body, without judgement. Don’t go into anything right now. Recognise whatever comes up as it arises. Just say “Yes, that’s there. I can feel that, there.” Remember not to judge, take it as it comes to your mind.

7. Write on a piece of paper some words on the topics that came to your attention. Take the time you need for it.

8. You can then give yourself the opportunity to put each of these things aside. Place the paper away from you, at the distance you feel right for it. Continue doing like this until you have written down all the different things that have come up and found a place for them. The right place to put something aside may be at a small or a large distance from yourself, depending on what your intuition tells you to do. Change the place until you feel that it is right.

9. Observe your feelings after putting all the papers aside. Feel whether you now have an open inner space.

10. You may also write down a key word or a phrase or an image to capture the experience of having inner space. Give yourself a moment to enjoy this experience of being detached from your concerns and take the time to relax.

Are you now ready to focus your attention on anything else different? If this is not the case, then just go on with this exercise.

Let me know how it works for you!

Keeping Your 2019 Resolutions

We are still in January and many of us have decided about their objectives for 2019, the so-called resolutions. The new year brings with itself the desire of change, the need of renewal. We would like to spend more time with the family, to take that trip that we have been dreaming about for so long, to change job, to enrol in a gym club, to lose weight, to stop smoking…the main goal is feeling better with themselves and with the others.
Why does it happen then that along the way we forget about them or we abandon them?

Here are some questions you should ask yourself.

Are your objectives too much ambitious, vague or simply they are too many? In this case you are putting too much pressure to yourself. If you have decided to stop smoking or to lose 10 kilos, you must ask yourself why you have started smoking and why you are always hungry. Are they not ways for relieving the so many daily tensions?

Are you positive in comparison to the achievement of your objectives? If you think that you will never make it, it is sure that you will never make it. Henry Ford used to say: “If you believe you can make it or if you believe you cannot make it, you will be always right”.

Is your goal appealing? You have decided to lose weight or to stop smoking. As such, they are great objectives. But find a bigger reason for which you want to achieve these objectives. For instance, you want to stop smoking for being able to recover breath faster when you go jogging or you want to lose weight to put again on those beautiful pants that suited you very well.

Bad habits are difficult to lose, above all you need time. As I said before, if you have been sticking to them for years, you have your good reasons (to protect you from stress, for example). You cannot change your habits in some weeks. Some time ago, studies told us that you can take up a new habit in 21 days. Now, neuroscience has found out that you need at least 60 days! Take you your time then, establish a new habit with calm, don’t stretch your body too far, your body is comfortably used to the old habit and it doesn’t feel like to replace it. You must make it understand, day after day, that another way is possible and it is also healthier!

Besides, remember that the path won’t be always linear and you may find obstacles. There will be some easiest moments then others but losing a battle doesn’t mean losing the war. Accept the ups and downs: your body will learn to adapt slowly.

Choose an objective that won’t sound like an obligation, in the sense that it must represent a real choice, a thing that you want to do, not that you must do. Control your thoughts, remember what Henry Ford said. Don’t focus on what you still have to achieve, but celebrate what you have already achieved. List the small victories and congratulate yourself. Stay positive!

Think about the strength that a seed has to become grass. It must come out from the soil to be able to live and flourish. It works slowly under the soil, up to when one day it comes out and sees the light! For you it is a kind of the same thing. Work slowly and one day you will see the results, because you are stronger than you think.

And now the four tips:

1. set one objective at the time, but define it well, use the SMART model (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time bound). Even though this model has been created for organisations, it may be helpful also to individuals engaged in goal setting.

2. Adopt the strategy of small steps by dividing your objective in some smaller objectives.

3. Celebrate achievements: the first kilo you have lost, the first whole day without smoking. Put some post-it all over your place with your success on it. Tell yourself “Well done!”.

4. Inform your family and friends about your goals and ask them to help you with this. Getting their support will help you in achieving the results. Look for some groups on Facebook that share your same goals, participate in forums on the Internet. Remember that you are not alone, there are other thousands of people that may have your same goals and exchanging ideas with them can be helpful to you. You can create yourself a blog, that can become your journal (a journal on paper is also okay).

Always remember that you are stronger than you believe!

6 Tips To Meditate While Walking

Walking and meditating are two powerful anti-stress remedies. Practicing them together brings enormous physical and psychological benefits. Ten minutes a day are enough and you can practice meditation walking at any time of day and anywhere. No excuses, then! Do you want to try?

The meditative walk, both outdoor in the nature and in the chaos of the city, allows us to free ourselves from everyday stress.

Walking by itself is good for your health. It allows to eliminate cardiovascular diseases and back pain, for example. Why not combining this practice with meditation? Here are 6 tips on how to do it.

Keep your back straight.
Synchronise the breath on your steps, by keeping a quiet walking pace.
Become aware of your body: focus on your feet, on your legs, on the movement, on the contact with the soil. Try to eliminate tensions and concentrate only on the steps.
Focus on the feelings this practice gives you. Are they pleasant? Does your body relax? Does your mind relax?
Then move your attention on your emotions. What do you feel? Do not judge the emotions you feel, let them go, observe them as a spectator.
Finish your practice by standing, contemplating the feeling of fullness and thanking your body and mind for the beautiful meditative walk.

Do not try not to think. Thinking is the activity of the brain, it is impossible to stop it! On the other hand, try to take advantage of the moment of relaxation you are experiencing, to become aware of your body and your emotions without this affecting your mood and without judging.

By regularly practicing the meditative walk, you will feel more and more balanced and at peace with yourself.

What Is Stress?

Stress is considered the result of the interaction between the person and its environment.

It can be considered as a state of inadequacy, of divergence between how the person perceives the situation and how the person thinks about being able to face the situation (or not being able to). The person can then feel a sense of incapability and may think that she is losing control of the situation: this is the reaction of stress.

The reaction of stress goes back to our mechanism of survival, to the stone age when men had to hunt to procure themselves food. A classical example that is done during the training courses on stress management is the following: if you find yourself alone in front of a lion, what would you do? There are three possibilities: fight, flight or freeze. These reactions allow us to react rapidly in a situation of danger. And they are still applicable today.

Nevertheless, our brain, and our body as a consequence, can react in this way also to situations that don’t represent a threat, like for instance being stuck in traffic jams, family or work difficulties.

At a somatic level the reaction to stressful situations is translated in a series of hormonal and metabolic changes, like for example the acceleration of the cardiac pulsation, increase of the arterial pressure, excessive production of sweat.

At a psychological level, stress is translated as an accentuation of the state of vigilance and emotional state (tension, feeling of discomfort) that causes a state of nervousness or an inhibition of the psycho-engine.

If the reaction of stress is short, the person succeeds in adapting. If the reaction persists hours or even days, it becomes intense or chronic, then you may have some health problems.

Recently, I watched a TED talk on how to make stress your friend. It is a very interesting and innovative approach, have a look at it and let me know what you think.

Procrastination

To procrastinate is a fashionable word nowadays. We procrastinate for invoices to be payed, for the dentist, for the rubbish to bring down…

Waiting too much can have serious consequences. Think at the climate change, for instance. Or at illnesses. If you don’t’ try to find out what you have as soon as you noticed the first symptoms, it may become too late. The doctor may say: “You would have come at the beginning, it would have been different. We would have been able to deal with it, the chances would have been better… ”

Cras in Latin means tomorrow, pro means for. Therefore, pro-cras means: it is for tomorrow.

Statistics show that in the United States about 20% of the population, post-pone the boring tasks to the next day, as if the tasks in question had then the virtue of disappearing or becoming less boring (in reality, isn’t it rather the opposite)?

A study carried out by Chinese researchers shows very interesting results: procrastinators have certain hyperactive intellectual regions, that are a part of a network of mental wandering: when it is time to take an appointment with the dentist, to pay the invoice or to bring down the rubbish, these centres make the person think at something else. And, let’s say it, to try to find out excuses on how unpleasant would be carrying out these tasks.

Besides, in procrastinators’ brain, another zone is weak. It is the zone that blocks the activity of wandering and that allows to remain focused.

People who work in advance according to a planning, in order not to be taken by surprise at the time of an examination, or of the fiscal term, they have a high activity of this area, so that the wandering zone is blocked.

When the mind gets loose from the planned purpose and begins to wander, the brain gets vulnerable in that area, which is very sensitive to all that is uncomfortable or disagreeable.

What to do?

The brain is a muscle, let’s train it and exploit its plasticity!