It is undeniable that the restrictions imposed by the ongoing pandemic have drastically changed our habits and our lifestyle. There is no doubt that the stress produced by uncertainty, prohibitions and lockdowns, whether partial or total, have prompted us to search for distractions that can give us some relief. As Ovid said, human beings seek what is forbidden and desire what is denied them.
There is a thread that links excessive behaviors (drinking too much, smoking too much, overeating, spending too much time on the computer or watching television) to stress.
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash
Clearly, the pandemic puts our desires on hold and it is normal to wish for what cannot be done. Only when we go back to a more or less normal life and our desires will be satisfied, our lives will be brighter. The pursuit of pleasure is an absolutely human behaviour, there is nothing to worry about.
Our brain identifies and reinforces beneficial behaviours such as eating well, socializing, having fun. This complex reward circuit that generates pleasure is the result of the evolution that guarantees our survival, that orients us in daily life and that keeps us going on. The more we can produce dopamine (the pleasure and reward hormone), the more we can generate pleasant sensations in a natural way. As a consequence, we would not need to adopt excessive behaviours that can lead to addictions.
However, the situation we have been experiencing for about a year has affected and affects motivation and self-control. We are no longer able to generate pleasant sensations and situations naturally and we have to look for different means to improve our life condition. The sudden lack of dopamine results in a short circuit of pleasant sensations which then pushes us to seek pleasure in another way.
It is important to be careful that these behaviours do not turn into addictions. Luckily, few people drive themselves to the point of becoming addicted to new harmful habits.
To prevent addiction it is necessary to put in place strategies that favour self-control, especially anti-stress strategies. Practising physical exercise, walking in the nature, trying not to isolate yourself but to maintain contact even remotely, are just some suggestions.
“She asked me to put her in copy to all emails, even the most trivial ones. Sometimes she would knock on my office door to ask me if I was okay because I had spent a lot of time in the bathroom, when actually only five minutes have passed. She checked when I walked in and when I left my office to see how long I had been way. The pressure she exerted by checking every detail of my work was suffocating, more than exaggerated and above all counterproductive.”
This is just a testimony from an employee who used to work with a micro-manager. What exactly is micromanagement? It is a managerial practice through which the manager exercises exhaustive control of the actions, tasks, functions and responsibilities of the people subordinated to him / her at a hierarchical level.
This type of managers may also ask to see an email before it is sent, and they may want to be informed of all the decisions that employees need to take, because they think that their staff cannot take decisions. A micromanager combines impatience and distrust with absolute control of the tasks assigned to their subordinates.
The situation look like the schemes used by the “Thought Police” to scrupulously monitor every moment of the characters in George Orwell’s “1984” novel. As in that book, the consequences of this practice of strict control on employees are devastating. The boss gains in peace of mind but staff suffer from it and are also less productive. Actually, this system creates bottlenecks that cause a slowdown in all activities. This type of manager wants to earn a good reputation and prevent a supervisor from blaming them that something was wrongly done.
Photo by Michal Jakubowski on Unsplash
But the worst part falls on the employees. Many times they do not know how to give priority, because the boss constantly changes their priorities based on the urgency that arrives, or because a superior asks him or her or it is the market requiring that. Employees lose creativity and self-esteem. A culture of fear is established, where everything is subject to the orders of the superior. This can lead to sickness absenteeism.
Apart from real psychosomatic diseases that can arise, psychological situations can also develop for which the person feels worthless, becomes smaller and smaller until they doubt their abilities. You begin to ask yourself: “Am I capable of doing it? ”,“ Am I in the wrong job? ”,“ Why do they control me like this, what have I done wrong? ”. And it can also happen that you quit your job, even if you have a good salary. When a situation cannot be changed or accepted, you have to leave it, and, in this case, you leave your job.
It is important to know that people do not quit jobs, they leave bosses.
But why do managers fall into this trap?
If micromanagement spoils the work environment, employees’ health, and it is harmful even to bosses who lose productivity and may lose also staff, why can’t this total and constant control be avoided? The bosses don’t have enough work to do?
Let’s see the possible causes.
First, managers themselves suffer pressure from the environment, be it from their own bosses, shareholders, markets or competition.
Second, incompetence. Either managers feel unsecure because their staff perform an excellent job compared to their own, or the employees are not suitable for that type of job.
The third cause is clear and straightforward: the boss’s obsessive personality making them unable to organize and manage the work.
Whatever the cause is, it is necessary to analyse what is happening in order to put an end to the situation as soon as possible. First, you should go to the human resources of your company. I have worked in human resources for over 10 years and have seen a lot of micromanagement.
As an alternative, you could turn to your superior and ask them to implement one or more techniques, perhaps with the help of a coach. One technique could be that of the traffic light. Together with the boss, you define the admissible and acceptable control limits, that are not to be exceeded. If these limits should be overcome, some signals will be sent to the manager. When the manager receives them, they identify their behaviour and try to control it.
Another strategy is to define the profile of the boss and of each team members, analysing their personal, professional and communication style and characteristics. Once this “x-ray” is completed, the boss shall answer the following questions:
1. What leadership style they use with each employee;
2. What leadership style each employee would need;
3. Which leadership model they would like to use with the each employee.
By doing so, the boss can realize that the type of leadership they are using is in line with that person’s role, but it is not what that employee, due to his or her personality, needs. By adopting this paradigm shift, the boss begins to think not from their own point of view, but from that of the subordinate. While this strategy may sound like science fiction, with time and a willingness to change, success is assured.
You miss the train and on the quay you meet the love of your life. You receive money in the exact moment you need it: this is the magic of synchronicity; they are coincidences that sometimes leave you speechless and let you see a new path.
What Is Synchronicity?
Psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung brought us the term “synchronicity,” which literally means “falling together in time.” Synchronicity describes the surprise that occurs when a thought in the mind is mirrored by an external event to which it has no apparent causal connection.
Read this story told by Jung to understand what synchronicity is about.
A young woman of high education and serious demeanour entered Jung’s office. Jung could see that her quest for psychological change was doomed unless he was able to succeed in softening her rationalist shell with “a somewhat more human understanding.” He needed the magic of coincidence. He asked for it, searched his surroundings for it. He remained attentive to the young woman, while hoping something unexpected and irrational would turn up.
As she described a golden scarab—a costly piece of jewellery—she had received in a dream the night before, he heard a tapping on the window. He looked and saw a gold-green glint. Jung opened the window to coincidence. He plucked the scarab beetle out of the air. The beetle, closely resembling to the golden scarab, was just what he needed—or just what she needed. “Here is your scarab,” he said to the woman, as he handed her a link between her dreams and the real world.
A synchronic event goes beyond mere coincidence because it has a transforming power, which marks a before and after in your personal history.
In order to notice synchronicity, you need to develop attention and spirit of observation.
If you begin to notice with curiosity what happens to you during the day, your everyday life would become a joyful space of possibility and opportunity.
Hidden or obvious, these ephemeral messages are so precious that they deserve our full attention. You will see that then, the more you notice these significant coincidences, the more they multiply and will help you get out of your routine. Moreover, you will be headed for something new. By changing your perspective, you will also be able to make your reality move.
Try one of these games and see what feelings you get.
Pick up your favourite book, or the book that is nearest to you. Note down its title.
Close your eyes, and open up randomly the book.
Before opening your eyes, run your hands along the page and point with one finger at a random line.
Open your eyes and read the sentence or paragraph. Note down the page number and line number.
Consider what implication the passage you pointed to has on the question you posed, and write down some reflections.
Here is another one, that I call “The Sidewalk Observation Game”. Even with this game you can get an unexpected message by putting you in touch with a symbol or situation.
Start by writing down a question. Walk with your senses in full alert and notice all the details. For example, catch some elements of a conversation between two people you cross during your walk, read an advertisement, look at a graffiti or a newspaper left on a bench. These are signs that can help you find the answer to your question.
Even slips or dysgraphia can be a clue to explore. For example, I often write massage instead of message. I think I may need to get a massage …
These tips come to you so that you can open doors and not close them. They offer you the opportunity to enjoy meaningful experiences with enthusiasm and enjoyment and to abandon the plans established by your ego.
In this way, you have the opportunity to connect to the collective unconscious because you adhere to positive and non-blocking beliefs. The more you pay attention to synchronicity, the more your neurological and emotional circuits are positively stimulated and they create new behavioural patterns, installs beneficial habits that connect you with the consciousness of the universe.
Photo by Greg Rakozy
The time of synchronicity
As the Greek root of this word shows, synchronicity refers to time (syn means meeting and chronos means time). The ancient Greeks conceived synchronicity in three distinct ways: the chronos, which corresponds to a linear flow; the aion, or the endless cycles; the kairos, that is the right moment to act.
In the Greek mythology there is the winged god Kairos. When Kairos passes by there are three possibilities:
You don’t see him;
You see him but you do nothing;
In the moment he passes by you give him your hand to grasp the chance he is offering you.
In practice, synchronicity is telling you carpe diem, namely seize the moment.
Crisbie Coach 