The society we live in often leads us to reverse priorities and put work first. This can negatively affects our quality of life and physical, mental and emotional health.
According to researches carried out in France, physical suffering related to work affects 3.1% of women and 1.4% of men, but according to some experts, the figures are higher. The international classification of diseases identifies burn-out as a work-related phenomenon but in reality work is not the only cause.
With the cost of living constantly rising, we are likely to work longer hours to earn a salary that allows us to provide for our own needs and those of our family. Because of this, many elements of our private life are put aside.
We spend many hours working, reducing the time to eat, to rest, to be with the family, and we do not realize how much this can harm us.
While most of us cannot afford to leave their job, a balance must be found between work and private life to prevent stress from building up in a worrying way.
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash
In this period of forced tele-working, it is even more difficult to put boundaries between work and private life. For this reason, many governments have been drafting directives that establish the right to “disconnect”. We need to have the time to do sports, to walk, to take care of our dear ones, to follow our passions or simply to rest.
More and more people suffer from stress, feel exhausted, have problems with nutrition, addictions, or relationship difficulties, and all that because of the long working days, which do not leave us the time to do activities for our well-being.
If you feel you are in one of those situations, know that no salary is worth your health, no job is worth the wear and tear that comes from working days that annihilate your energy and happiness.
If you have no other alternatives to the work you are currently doing, find something positive to balance your life, because otherwise, there may come a time when you will start making mistakes at work and your overall performance will suffer. Start looking for another job but put your health in the first place, because if you get ill it may take a long time to recover.
Your job is an important part of your life, but it is not your life. There is much more: family,health, and friends. Do not allow work to take up all the space in your mind and body, taking the joy away from you.
Remember always taking care of yourself first, because this is the only way you can live a better life.
You finish the chore tasks of the day in an hour and you dedicate yourself to kill the time you have left to complete your workday. You might ask your boss something more to do, but you would rather go out. If they need you, they will call you.
It sounds like an enviable plan, but as soon as you have posted something on social media, searched for the best book deals to buy, and eaten a sandwich, you wish the call would come. It does not come, and you realize that you have already become chronically bored, and you feel undervalued. It is not normal.
This type of boredom is called by specialists bore-out syndrome. According to psychologists, this boredom can be as damaging as overwork exhaustion, the best-known burnout syndrome. We tend to think that a bored employee will take the opportunity to pay more attention to performing a certain task, but this is not often the case. According to a study by the University of Lancashire (England), bored people actually perform poorly at work and make more mistakes.
Of course, to avoid getting involved in the source of their boredom, people with this syndrome tend to be distracted by social media and may even develop an addiction. Food, alcohol, and tobacco are great candidates to fill in your time.
It is important to distinguish normal, even healthy, boredom from constant and chronic boredom that ends up making you feel useless. Chronic boredom can generate profound anxiety and can negatively affect all aspects of life, from private and family life to social life.
We already know that, usually, the things that bore us are the same things that we do not like. This lowers the levels of motivation and involvement, the levels of responsibility and makes you adopt a passive attitude. You are procrastinating. However, there is more.
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To begin with, know that getting bored during the working day does not depend on the type of work you do, but on the type of interests you have. You can have the best job, even be the boss, but feel deeply bored and undervalued. In other words, working on something that does not match your education or experience, and that does not allow you to develop professionally, is a time bomb. Other causes of demotivation are also lack of communication with others, carrying out monotonous tasks that do not represent any kind of challenge and having a definite contract.
All of these factors increase when you have no other choice than taking a whatever job, or you cannot afford to change your current job. The situation is getting worse in these times due to the economic downturn caused by the pandemic. People in that situation, run a much higher risk of boredom and exhaustion because they do something they know from the start that they do not like. Their only motivation is financial and over the years this becomes hard to bear. It is extremely serious because people spend about 33% of their day at work, and sometimes even more.
To limit the damages you could try finding small motivations that could be incorporated into your work. The idea would be about making each day meaningful and interesting. Communicating interest and commitment to superiors by developing new tasks could also help. Finding an exciting activity to bond downtime at work would be interesting but sometimes impossible to do. In those cases, you could, for example, move it to immediately after working hours.
If despite this, your motivation does not increase, it might be better to look for another job that best suites you, something you could do while keeping your current job. Indeed, it would not be wise to replace the anxiety generated by the lack of motivation at work with the one arising from being unemployed. You could consider a part-time job or volunteering activities if you have enough resources to live on.
There is a direct relationship between ageing, physical, and mental activity. People who adopt a sedentary and passive lifestyle after retirement accelerate their ageing process. Lack of movement diminishes the body’s responsiveness and few social relationships inhibit intellectual abilities.
If we add also loneliness, the ageing process accelerates. Spending the day without stimuli other than television or cell phone, without seeing anyone or going out can cause you to lose motivation to take care of yourself and your health. Many of the illnesses we attribute to age are not due to age.
On the other hand, an active and purposeful person (a person with a purpose of life – ikigai) keeps connections and maintains healthy habits.
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Therefore, to keep fit, why don’t you follow those three tips coming from Japan?
1. Give yourself a goal for your next birthday. For example, you may decide to practise some moderate physical activity every day to lose weight and reach that goal by your birthday. In addition, sport promotes the production of endorphins, the hormones of happiness.
2. Reconnect with nature. Practice shinrin yoku at least once a week, or immersion in a forest recommended by Japanese doctors to promote longevity. Furthermore, this practice can also protect you from diseases because the proximity to plants strengthen the immune system.
3. Be grateful. In the same way that an attitude of complaining and constant anger increases the level of cortisol (the stress hormone), an attitude of gratitude towards life and the people around us, promotes serenity and the joy of living.
Remember that life expectancy is statistically high in our Western societies. Most likely, you still have two good decades of “useful” life left after retirement that you could fill with meaning and activity.
Ageing with care is an art. The third age, which I prefer to call third youth, can become an opportunity to be able to love you more and take better care of yourself. Find something you enjoy doing or that you can attach an immediate reward to, and involve friends to add the lovely component of socializing.
The blow the pandemic has been giving us is clear. Even in the same city, restrictions force us to select who we want to see and who we don’t. A difficult decision, but it can have a positive side: selecting those friendships that contribute most to our well-being.
This selection could be actually a good thing. It has been studied that qualitative relationships are limited. And in the current context, we cannot expect the number of friends we have to be the same as before. The pandemic is teaching us to prioritize and truly care for the people we consider important. This is an improvement that compensates for a possible loss.
But how to choose? The answer is not that difficult. If we think carefully, we realize that the people we have stopped seeing are mainly those people we have never seen regularly (for example, the colleagues we only met at work). This situation shows clearly who we must meet in favour of those with whom we want to meet. What makes a friendship satisfactory is presence and dedication.
Studies conducted define the four characteristics of authentic friendship: trust, sincerity, fidelity and reciprocity. When you lose one of these pillars, you may want to say goodbye to your friend.
But the pandemic has not only made us stop seeing some people, it has also made us fight with some others. We are all more anxious and stressed. Also the fact of wearing the mask incorrectly could trigger a conflict. When this happens, it is advisable to stop relationships until the tension fades away. We already have to endure all what the pandemic entails that we don’t need to add any more stress.
For friends who have passed the “selection”, it is time to find time and space to share with them to interact without distractions and have a relaxing chat. Looking into each other’s eyes when we speak, taking care of the posture of our body, using appropriate tone and words, are only some elements of an effective communication also among friends..
Maintaining and caring for our good friendships can also improve our health and increase our ability to bear stress.
To have a full and healthy life, we should spend more time with friends, albeit only in a virtual way for the time being. With the difficulties caused by the pandemic we must find new ways to relate to each other, and continue to invest time in finding new subjects of conversation, for example talking about a series that you are watching, being on platforms to carry out online activities together, or having a drink together on a video call.
I have been receiving Miguel’s emails for some time, cannot really say how long. Recently, I received this article in my mail box that perfectly matches with the purpose of my blog. Actually Miguel, also published a video, in case you prefer watching to reading. Enjoy it!
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Humans have a natural tendency to gravitate towards negative thinking.
We could assume that tendency is there because it gave our ancestors a small survival advantage.
Those that were happy-go-lucky optimists got eaten by wolves.
Those that were pessimists and hoping for the worst didn’t get eaten as much.
So here we are today with a lizard brain primed to expect the worst.
Although there might be an evolutionary advantage to being pessimistic, living your life pestered by gloomy doomy thoughts is no fun.
The truth is today we live in a much more safe environment than hundreds of thousands of years ago.
It’s very rare for people to succumb to hungry tooth sabre tigers and such.
Yet, we live in a constant state of alert and fear triggered in part by nature only exacerbated by the news and social media.
So how do we escape negative thoughts?
Besides recreational drugs, alcohol, mindless social media binging, and meditation, I dare to propose a new way to lead happier mental lives.
You could think of this method as a thought experiment, a new mental model to deal with pessimistic thinking.
I call it the thought landscape.
Disclaimer: if you have trouble using your imagination or suffer from aphantasia, it won’t be easy to implement this approach.
The concept is quite simple to understand but tricky to master.
It goes like this:
A: There is a large number of thoughts we can have (negative, positive, neutral)
B: However, at any given instant, we can only think of one thing.
C: We can choose what we think at any given instant (focus)
D: Therefore, we can choose to substitute any current thought with any other available thought from A.
These are vast assumptions so let me elaborate a bit on each point.
A: This one everyone should agree. The number of thoughts a human can have is between 0 and Many. Many could be thousands or millions, a lot.
If you have a working brain, A should always be many. 0 is only for dead people.
B: This could be debated. However, we could safely assume that we can only hold one thought at a time. Thinking two thoughts simultaneously is not possible. I.e., you cannot think blue or black simultaneously (“Bluk” is not a colour!)
C: This could be more debatable, but If I tell you to think of a white elephant, usually you’ll think of a white elephant, not of a purple platypus. So you were able to change your thinking deliberately.
D: If the three statements above hold true, then it has to be true that we can control what we think at any given moment.
And if D is true, then it is good news for all of us!
This means that thinking negatively is, for the most part, a choice.
So, if you catch yourself stuck on negative thinking, now you know it’s because you chose to do so.
Great, and then what?
Then you can discard that thought, take a step back and look at what other thoughts are available from A.
The goal of taking this imaginary step back is to gain a new perspective.
Is to gain some altitude and contemplate which other thoughts you could choose from.
In A., we established that there could be many other thoughts you could have.
The range of available thoughts is what I call the thought landscape.
Like a physical landscape, you’ll see valleys and hills.
Photo by Claudio Testa on Unsplash
Now that you’ve momentarily elevated yourself over your thought landscape, it’s time to choose.
What other thoughts do you see that you could choose to think next?
Let me give you a concrete example of how this would play out for me.
So here I am, thinking I’m not good enough, smart enough, that people suck, that the pandemic sucks, that politicians are hypocrites, etc.
I’m feeling like shit. This is no fun. Then I realize I can choose what to think.
I take a step back and look at what other thoughts are currently available across my thought landscape.
In the beginning, it’s hard to see past a few meters because all the negative thoughts are fighting for attention, clouding my vision.
I try to rise a bit higher, past the dark fog.
I know there are other thoughts across the dark valley of shitty thoughts.
There you go… I see some light.
About 2 km away, I see a couple of green hills peeking through the clouds.
I take a closer look.
I see my family on one of them.
They love me. I feel happy to know they are alive and they love me.
I see food. Yum! I can see I have plenty of food, and I can afford more if I need to.
That makes me happy.
Another hill. Wow! I’m relatively healthy. How lucky I am! I can still walk, play sports, dance, use my body. My hands work… I can build things!
Another hill further away.
I see people in need. People whose lives I could make better. It makes me happy I could help other people. That’s important.
This exercise took only a couple of minutes, and my outlook has completely changed.
I feel gratitude. I feel alive. I feel happy.
My thought landscape is full of wonderful thoughts to choose from.
I don’t want to discriminate against negative thoughts. I just don’t want them to dictate how I feel 90% of the time.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember a single day of my life where I didn’t have a moment where my mind wasn’t imprisoned by negative thinking.
Negative thinking is inevitable. It’s there for our survival. We just need to learn how to keep it at bay.
The thought landscape will always offer you plenty of alternative thoughts, equally or even more valid than the negative thoughts you currently hold in your mind.
It is undeniable that the restrictions imposed by the ongoing pandemic have drastically changed our habits and our lifestyle. There is no doubt that the stress produced by uncertainty, prohibitions and lockdowns, whether partial or total, have prompted us to search for distractions that can give us some relief. As Ovid said, human beings seek what is forbidden and desire what is denied them.
There is a thread that links excessive behaviors (drinking too much, smoking too much, overeating, spending too much time on the computer or watching television) to stress.
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash
Clearly, the pandemic puts our desires on hold and it is normal to wish for what cannot be done. Only when we go back to a more or less normal life and our desires will be satisfied, our lives will be brighter. The pursuit of pleasure is an absolutely human behaviour, there is nothing to worry about.
Our brain identifies and reinforces beneficial behaviours such as eating well, socializing, having fun. This complex reward circuit that generates pleasure is the result of the evolution that guarantees our survival, that orients us in daily life and that keeps us going on. The more we can produce dopamine (the pleasure and reward hormone), the more we can generate pleasant sensations in a natural way. As a consequence, we would not need to adopt excessive behaviours that can lead to addictions.
However, the situation we have been experiencing for about a year has affected and affects motivation and self-control. We are no longer able to generate pleasant sensations and situations naturally and we have to look for different means to improve our life condition. The sudden lack of dopamine results in a short circuit of pleasant sensations which then pushes us to seek pleasure in another way.
It is important to be careful that these behaviours do not turn into addictions. Luckily, few people drive themselves to the point of becoming addicted to new harmful habits.
To prevent addiction it is necessary to put in place strategies that favour self-control, especially anti-stress strategies. Practising physical exercise, walking in the nature, trying not to isolate yourself but to maintain contact even remotely, are just some suggestions.
We all know someone who complains about not sleeping or sleeping badly. In Europe, about one third of the adult population has difficulty falling asleep and between 10% and 15% suffer from chronic insomnia. I myself have suffered from insomnia for a long time. This is a problem that can have various causes (from the excessive use of digital devices that emit blue light – computers, tablets, TVs, etc. – to biological issues). One of the causes may also be the obsession with sleeping well.
What is this obsession? It is a phenomenon called orthosomnia (from the Greek ortho, “perfect”, and from the Latin somnia, “rest”) and, according to experts, although it is not yet considered a disorder, it is getting increasingly common. It consists in continually recurring thoughts, that I call “circular thoughts”, namely thoughts that enter a vicious circle precisely because they are always the same and recur all the time. The main causes of these thoughts are, guess what, stress and anxiety. Not being able to sleep, your mind does not stop thinking about the same things over and over (hence circular thoughts, i.e. thoughts that come back).
If you suffer from insomnia, even if not severe, it would be good to do a complete sleep study (polysomnography) to find an effective solution. I had this test. I was in a sleep clinic for one night, with electrodes attached all over the body including, of course, the head. I have found that, during my sleeping time, Alpha waves (the brain waves typical of the awaking period) intrude from time to time.
The obvious solution would be to try eliminating or at least reducing stress. I know, it’s not easy. Therefore, I propose that you try the following five tips.
Photo by Alex Basov on Unsplash
Learn to breathe well and deeply by practising a discipline such as Yoga, Pilates or meditation.
Create a relaxing environment. A quiet home is the key to a restful night. If you have trouble falling asleep, keep your bedroom clean and clear of unnecessary items, tidy up the things you have left lying around and you will see that you will have a more peaceful night.
Use essential oils that are particularly suitable for inducing sleep, such as lavender or chamomile.
Create a playlist to help you relax and fall asleep.
Try using Bach Flowers and melatonin. White Chestnut against circular thoughts and Rescue Sleep to help you fall asleep. I used them for several months, then gradually I stopped and now I suffer much less from thoughts that come back and I also sleep much better. At the moment I use only melatonin and I think it is a good solution for my insomnia.
Are you like me who always have cold hands in winter? Here are six remedies ((without putting them on the radiator) that you can easily use to warm up your hands during this winter that is rather cold.
Photo by Koko 19091 on Pixabay
When you go out put on your gloves, of any kind they are: traditional, in thermal material, or with a battery. To avoid arthritis you should wear natural fibre gloves, such as cotton or wool, but it is true that gloves made of thermal material, such as those used for skiing, are warmer. In any case, you shall wear them with warm hands already, therefore before leaving your place, otherwise it will take longer to warm them up.
Use hand cream. It helps you to form a protective barrier which then decreases the feeling of cold. A thick cream is certainly more useful than a fluid cream. In addition, it also helps you to prevent the formation of cracks caused by frequent washing, which is absolutely necessary in times of pandemics, like the one we have been living for about one year.
Avoid smoking (your lungs will be happier too). You will not have to go out on the balcony (if you live with some other people who don’t smoke) and you will avoid tobacco hindering blood flow, a constriction that causes a drop in body temperature since less blood will be circulating.
Give a warm hug. Contact with bodies is the best way to transmit heat. Many people put their hands under their arms to be warmer when they feel cold or when they are in a cold environment. Of course, hugging in the days of Covid is not recommended, so do it only with those who live with you.
Put your hands into warm water. This remedy is also used to treat freezing symptoms. However, you must be careful since, with the loss of sensitivity of the hands caused by the cold, there is the serious risk of burning them if the water temperature is higher than 40/42 degrees.
Say goodbye to alcoholic aperitifs and drinks. Although there is the idea that alcohol heats you up, this is a misbelief. The truth is that it is only a temporary sensation. Alcohol, like smoking, facilitates the vasoconstriction of the arteries. Much better to drink a hot herbal tea or tea.
For about a year, we have been facing a health crisis that does not give us a break and actually begins to cause psychological effects.
If you feel tired and have little energy to do things, know that you are not alone.
Fatigue is one of the most common consequences of this pandemic. We are exhausted for several reasons. The disease directly causes one of them. Obviously, if you had the Covid, you have been more tired afterwards; it takes some time to recover from it and to get back into shape.
The World Health Organization (WHO) has defined “pandemic fatigue” the fatigue resulting from always being super attentive to the precautionary measures that we must comply with in order not to catch the virus.
More and more people suffer from nervousness, anxiety and feel pushed to the limit of their ability to bear the situation.
This state of hyper vigilance with Covid represents a constant strain of our hormonal and endocrine system which results in greater anxiety and, sometimes might turn into depression.
The economic situation and the uncertainty about the future we are living now are working our nerves out.
Photo by RD LH on Pixabay
In addition, you have to consider the deprivation of liberty caused by the lockdown.
Knowing that we are vulnerable to pandemic fatigue, we must put into practice measures that help us regain some well-being.
Here are 3 ideas that may help you out:
Normalize what you feel. It is normal for you to feel stressed or sad. These last months are even harder because we are in winter and we do not see the way out (during the 1st wave we had summer ahead).
Your well-being must become your priority. Just as you pay attention to wearing a mask, respecting safety distances and washing often your hands, you must take care of your well-being. Try to eat healthy, practise physical activity even at home, and talk to friends or beloved ones even if you cannot do it in person. If the rules in force allow it, go out, especially when it is sunny. Vitamin D is good not only for the body but also for the spirit. Find a hobby, or if you had one before, start doing it again.
Give your mind a break. Stop listening to the latest news on Covid. Take a break from the news. Give yourself permission to disconnect. If you miss the latest update on the contagion data, nothing will happen. When you talk to someone, try to avoid the Covid topic. It is not a matter of pretending nothing has happened, but simply of avoiding further fatigue.
Winter, which is about to come, looks like a difficult season due to the cold temperatures that bring with it diseases such as colds, coughs, flu and this year Covid also. To protect yourself adequately, it is necessary to strengthen your immune system.
Here are 5 essential things to do for an efficient immunity.
Healthy and balanced nutrition. Proper nutrition provides the energy needed to stay fit and to produce antibodies. You will therefore have to be careful to consume seasonal fruit and vegetables, limiting industrial and over-sweetened products. The ideal is to prepare your own meals, limiting sodas, pastries and alcoholic beverages because they can hinder the immune system. Some vegetables, such as mushrooms (like shiitaki), garlic, onion, shallot, and ginger have antibacterial properties. To stimulate our immune defences, you must also include fats in your diet, favouring mono-saturated or poly-saturated fats (fish such as sardines or mackerel and vegetable oils such as extra-virgin olive oil). It is highly recommended avoiding saturated fats like butter and whole milk. It would also be important to take a probiotic cure to strengthen our intestines. Perhaps you know that 70% of our immune system is in our intestines and probiotics strengthen the intestinal mucosa, especially in winter or if you have a serious or chronic illness. These micro-organisms are found in yoghurt and fermented milk. Another important part of winter nutrition are elements like zinc and selenium, which also contribute to stimulating the immune system and are found in foods rich in proteins such as crustaceans, egg yolk, poultry and the cheese.
Vitamins.Vitamin A is a precious ally of immunity because it stimulates the production of antibodies. Products of animal origin such as meat, fish, whole milk and milk products in general are rich in vitamin A. Vitamin C, found in fruits and vegetables, helps the formation of immune cells. Vitamin E is naturally present in sunflower seeds and vegetable oils. It has to be an important part in the nutrition of elderly people because it compensates for the loss of immune defences due to ageing. As for vitamin D, its effectiveness is proven in the regulation of immunity. It also acts to counter the development of some autoimmune diseases such as multiple sclerosis. The main source of vitamin D is the sunlight. If you live in Belgium like me, or in another country in the Northern hemisphere, where the sun is scarce during the winter, taking supplement of vitamin D is recommended, especially if you are a woman in menopause or a person of a certain age. It is true that you can also find it in fatty fish, but in small quantities.
The quality of sleep. Sleep disorders affect many people. The benefits of a pleasant night are well known. Stress and toxin are eliminated, tissues are repaired, cells are regenerated and you wake up in a good mood. A good sleep, in addition to having these effects, also strengthens your immune system and protects you from infections. To be well rested, you need to get enough sleep, between 6 and 8 hours. If you are having trouble falling asleep, have a ritual to clear your mind, avoid drinking coffee, overeating, and drinking too much alcohol in the evening. To prepare for a quiet night, remove from your room all the elements that stimulate your attention too much and emit blue light (TV, mobile phone, computer). Practising a relaxing activity such as meditation and reading before sleeping, may help you in falling asleep. An herbal tea before going to bed may also help you.
Exposure to light. Light has an impact on the regulation of the biological clock. The lack of light, or the wrong light (artificial light, the blue light from the LED screens I mentioned earlier, night work shifts, or too rich diets), could have consequences on sleep and the immune system. To regulate your biological clock, try to get maximum exposure to sunlight, letting it into your home and workplace. In case of major disorders, you can buy a light therapy lamp that simulates sunlight in intensity and light spectrum. You can find them in every price range.
Finally, physical activity. Regular physical activity has a direct effect on immunity. By improving blood circulation, exercise allows the different components of the immune system to spread better in the body. In older people, it helps prevent the decline of immune functions. But be careful not to practise too intensely as this could have a counterproductive effect. It is quite easy to practice good habits to get some physical activity on a daily basis. For example, you can take the stairs instead of taking the elevator or you can walk 30 minutes a day. If you want to go to the gym (a bit difficult in these Covid times), take it easy and listen to the advice of your coach or use an app.
Crisbie Coach 