Self-confidence – Crisbie Coach

Searching for Sugar Man: The Timeless Lessons of Sixto Rodriguez

In the world of documentaries, few stories are as compelling and inspiring as “Searching for Sugar Man.” This Oscar-winning film, directed by Malik Bendjelloul, chronicles the fascinating journey of Sixto Rodriguez, a Detroit-based musician who, despite being largely unknown in his home country, became a cultural icon in South Africa. The documentary is more than just a tale of music—it’s a profound exploration of hope, resilience, and the transformative power of art.

The Enigmatic Story of Sixto Rodriguez

In the late 1960s and early 1970s, Sixto Rodriguez recorded two albums, “Cold Fact” and “Coming from Reality.” Despite their artistic brilliance, these records went unnoticed in the United States, and Rodriguez faded into obscurity. However, his music somehow made its way to South Africa, where it struck a chord with the anti-apartheid movement. In a land divided by racial injustice, Rodriguez’s songs became anthems of hope and resistance. Yet, while his music thrived on another continent, Rodriguez himself remained a mystery, with many assuming he had died in obscurity.

The documentary follows two South African fans, Stephen “Sugar” Segerman and Craig Bartholomew-Strydom, as they start on a quest to uncover the truth about Rodriguez. Their search leads to the astonishing discovery that not only was Rodriguez alive, but he was also unaware of his fame on the other side of the world. “Searching for Sugar Man” is the story of how one man’s music transcended borders, and how it changed lives forever.

Lessons We Can Learn from “Searching for Sugar Man”

Resilience in the Face of Failure. Rodriguez’s story is a testament to the power of resilience. Despite the commercial failure of his albums in the United States, Rodriguez never lost his passion for music or his belief in his own artistry. His persistence in pursuing his craft, even when the world seemed indifferent, is a powerful reminder that success is not always immediate or visible. It often requires patience, perseverance, and an unshakable belief in oneself.
The Unpredictable Nature of Success. Success, as Rodriguez’s story illustrates, is often unpredictable and can come unexpectedly. While his music was ignored in the United States, it resonated deeply in South Africa, where it became a symbol of resistance. This teaches us that impact and influence can be far-reaching, often beyond our immediate understanding. The key is to continue creating, sharing, and contributing, even if the results are not immediately apparent.
The Power of Art to Inspire Change. Art can inspire, uplift, and unite people across cultures and continents. Rodriguez’s music became the soundtrack to a movement, giving voice to those who were fighting against oppression. This underscores the importance of artistic expression as a tool for social change. Whether through music, writing, or visual arts, our creations have the potential to make a difference in the world.
The Value of Staying True to Yourself. Throughout his life, Rodriguez remained true to his values and his music, regardless of the commercial outcome. This authenticity is a powerful lesson in the importance of staying true to oneself. In a world that often prioritizes commercial success over artistic integrity, Rodriguez’s story is a reminder that true fulfillment comes from being genuine in our pursuits.

Embrace Your Passion

The story of Sixto Rodriguez and “Searching for Sugar Man” is not just a fascinating narrative; it’s a call to action. It encourages us to embrace our passions, pursue our dreams, and share our stories, no matter how unlikely success may seem. We are reminded that our contributions have value, even if they are not immediately recognized. The world is vast, and our impact may be greater than we ever realize.

As you reflect on Rodriguez’s journey, consider the passions you hold dear. Are you pursuing them with resilience and authenticity? Are you sharing your talents and stories with others? Let Rodriguez’s story inspire you to keep creating, keep striving, and keep believing in the power of your unique voice.

Have you watched “Searching for Sugar Man”? What lessons did you take away from Sixto Rodriguez’s incredible journey? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s continue to celebrate the power of resilience, creativity, and the enduring impact of art. If you haven’t seen the documentary yet, I highly recommend you watch it.

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How And Why Determination And Commitment May Change Your Life

Paris, 2004. A young man comes out from a building with a smile on his face. He applied for a traineeship and had just finished his interview that did not go as expected.

The young man, named Héritier, is 22 years old and came from Angola at the age of 8, running away from a civil war. He did not speak French but did everything to learn all well in school, also helped by his family and friends. After his degree, he started to look for small jobs, to contribute to the family budget.

He applied for a internship with a cleaning company. The employer, although they found that Héritier had an atypical profile, was very interested in the boy’s dynamism and the interview lasted about 5 hours!

At the end of the interview, Héritier did not get the internship but his first job contract. The company was just established and was looking for young talents like Héritier, who in short time reached the top of his career within the company.

He decided then to go further to make his dream come true. He wanted to create his own company and started up a cleaning company that would use only organic products.

In those years, his career looked interesting to the media because it reflected a reality that was still unknown: the economical contribution produced by migrants in the country that welcomed them.

With his company, Héritier has generated a turnover of 100.000 euros during the first year, a figure that tripled over the following three years.

Héritier managed to find his way thanks to his commitment and determination to succeed.

What have you learned from Héritier’s story?

Cultivating Trust in Life

red and green tree leaves on a sunny day

In life it happens sometimes that the difficulties are transformed into problems and that the efforts necessary to solve the complexities that life presents to us are important and sometimes last a long time. Sometimes we feel discouraged, and we feel like saying “Enough, I can’t take it any longer, when will it end?”. That’s how we lose trust in life.

Those who know the universal law of alternation continue to have confidence in life, whatever happens because they know that everything is change, renewal and impermanence. They were able to observe that an expansion necessarily follows a contraction and that after dark the light returns. They are aware that one day things will change, and that life will make them smile again.

The guides who accompany the great expeditions in Kilimanjaro, one of the highest mountains in the world, use a Swahili expression to comfort fatigued walkers: “Polé, polé”, which means “slowly, slowly, one step at a time”.

Without interpreting what happens to us or projecting ourselves into a future that we do not know, we are left with only the concrete possibility of welcoming our moments of misfortune, without resisting them, because all the efforts will only cause loss of energy.

So, go ahead, keep on with trust in life, and slowly, slowly, one step at a time, you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

You can find more articles on trust here.

brown brick tunnel — Light – Photo by Ksenia I on Pexels.com

Overconfidence Effect

close up shot of a person wearing a robber mask

1995, Pittsburgh, USA. MacArthur Wheeler breaks into a bank for a robbery. But strangely, he acts with his face uncovered… and smells very strong lemon! Easily identified thanks to surveillance cameras, he is arrested the same evening.

So why didn’t Wheeler cover his face like all robbers do?

Wheeler thought having a great idea: lemon juice could serve as invisible ink to write secret messages, therefore it could be used to become invisible to the cameras if he would spray his face.

This piece of news intrigues two psychologists, Daniel Dunning and Justin Kruger: how can people be so sure of themselves when they obviously know nothing?

To find an answer, the two psychologists set up a small experiment. They submit tests (humorist, grammatical, and logical reasoning) to groups of people and then ask them to self-assess. As a result, the people who have failed their tests the most are also those who feel they have done the best.

This is the “Dunning-Kruger effect“, also called the overconfidence effect: when you are not competent in a field, you do not recognize this incompetence and you are even strongly tempted to overestimate your own abilities!

Wheeler the robber, who thought being an expert in becoming invisible, was probably a victim of this psychological bias which can also do damage in other fields. For example, if in the workplace, very self-confident incompetents get promoted instead of competent but more discreet colleagues, this can generate stress, a sense of injustice and demotivation within a team.

In short, it can make relationships between colleagues as acid as lemon!

How many overconfident people have you met?

yellow lemon fruit on yellow surface — Lemon – Photo by Cup of Couple on Pexels.com

Why Perfectionism Is Not Healthy

Extreme perfectionism is a compulsive lifestyle that has a high personal cost and can lead to anxiety or depression. Sometimes it hides a low self-esteem. That is why perfectionism is not healthy.

Being perfect means that you do not have imperfections, defects, or weaknesses. For some of us, perfectionism might seem an advantage, especially if it is referred to the work place. If you want to be successful, you should set high standards, have attention to details, and dedication.

However, this is a myth. Perfectionism does not mean to do things well.

Perfectionism affects people of all ages and lifestyles, and it is on the rise among students. An research in which 41,641 British, Canadian and American universities were included between 1989 and 2016, showed an increase in the percentage of young people who feel they need to aim for perfection to achieve their academic and professional goals.

Extreme perfectionism is a compulsive way of demanding that things and the way you do things shall be perfect and precise.

Aiming for perfection can have a high personal cost, it involves multiple negative effects, such as eating disorders, anxiety, or depression.

Especially among young people, the link between perfectionism and suicide risk is alarming.

According to the study, an increasing number of people have been experiencing what the researchers call “multidimensional perfectionism,” which includes perfectionism aimed at themselves, perfectionism aimed at others, and the socially prescribed perfectionism.

While self-oriented perfectionism focuses on extremely high personal standards, other-oriented perfectionism involves that others shall meet high and unmeasured expectations set by us.

In addition, the socially prescribed perfectionism implies the perception that other people, or also society at large, impose being perfect and having perfect performances.

Every form of perfectionism has a negative aspect. When the person who aims for perfection fails, especially in the presence of others, they feel a deep sense of guilt and shame because they perceive it as a flaw or, even worse, as a failure.

Moving from being perfectionist to being a bit less perfectionist

We stigmatize ourselves when we fail, so it’s important to learn that failure is acceptable. This is an inevitable reality, as perfection does not apply to human beings.

Therefore:

give yourself permission to develop more realistic and flexible expectations;

keep your perspective and focus on what you are passionate about;

if you think, or have been told, that you are in a critical situation, do not hesitate to ask for professional help;

recognize that there is also meaning in failure, because you can learn from it.

To conclude, remember that to invent the light bulb, 2000 attempts were necessary!

What do you think about perfectionism? Do you recognise yourself in one category of perfectionism?

illuminated light bulb — Light Bulb – Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

How to Embrace Change

Life is constant change, Buddha and Aristotle already said it: change is a fact of life. But change has also been accelerating in recent decades. Massive disruption across the social, technological, political and environmental dimensions of our lives means that we are constantly trying to figure out how best to manage uncertainty. And for someone it can be scary.

The origin of this fear can be found in biology. Our brain is the result of two and a half million years of evolution. We have lived in caves much longer than we have in cities. This means that we have “coded” automatic responses to successfully respond to everyday threats.

If absurdly you see a tiger walking down the street, you would not try to understand what breed it is but you would rather try to escape as quickly as possible (flight). Another codified reaction would be to stay still, hoping that the tiger will not see you (freeze). The last possible reaction would be to fight it (fight), with very, very limited chances of success, so your brain would immediately discard it.

Flight, Freeze or Fight are the three primal reactions to events that we perceive as dangerous to our safety.

However, the wonderful circuits that have allowed us to evolve as a species are not suited to addressing the most subtle threats of our age, such as digitization, the pandemic or the risk of losing your job.

These fears are evolutionarily new and are not always easy to manage.

bengal tiger half soak body on water during daytime — Photo by Flickr on Pexels.com

Remember that the brain is designed for your survival, not your happiness. Therefore, to face changes, you have to understand them as opportunities and learn from the potentials they entail. Moreover, this is not as automatic as running away from something dangerous. On the contrary, it takes effort and training.

Let us see how you could get started by following these four tips.

1. First of all, it is important to train your mind daily. Just as you go to the gym or practice by yourself, you need to keep your brain muscle in shape. Try to do something different every day. For example, you could change sources of information when reading the news (also useful to understand various points of view), change your route to go to work, or try a new dish.

2. Second, you can try to consider what happens to you in a different manner. For instance, a good way is reading history to realize that although we live in an age where changes happen very fast, all these progresses have allowed us, for example, to increase our life expectancy.

3. Third, try to disconnect from technology and reconnect with yourself and your surroundings. If you are always immersed in the digital world, you will not have time to integrate learning and to find a certain and needed tranquility. For example, one day during the weekend or on vacation you can put your mobile in the “don’t disturb” mode.

4. Fourth, trust. If you look at the difficulties that you have already faced in the past, you will see that now they look easy to you. If you have already been able to overcome challenging situations, why should not you be able to do it now?

Are you afraid of change or do you like new challenges?

How and Why You Need to Learn to Take Better Care of Yourself

The education we have received has taught us that we must treat well the others. But why the others and not ourselves?

Are you your own worst critic? Do you sometimes insult yourself for something you did wrong or wanted to do better? Do you eat poorly, sleep little, abuse of harmful substances (alcohol, tobacco)? Or are you simply worried about pleasing others? Know that you are not alone. This is a common problem and normal to a certain extent. Because of this, it would be useful to pay attention to some daily details to learn how to look better after yourself.

As I was saying before, we have not been taught to take good care of ourselves. We put often aside our well-being. How many times have your parents told you to look well after the others or do things for the others? How many times, on the other hands, have you been told that you must also take care of yourself?

The way you look after yourselves is a kind of extension of what you have learned from your parents, teachers or caregivers.

For a very young person this may seem exaggerated, as some basic principles of self-esteem are taught in schools today. Some parents also try to instil some self-care virtues in their children.

However, for an adult or elderly person, taking care of themselves well and being truly respectful of themselves is not always something they have consciously internalized. In the past, it was not so easy to find someone who could help you cultivate a certain self-love without it being considered selfish.

In fact, this is precisely the basis: self-love, not to be confused with narcissism or egocentrism. To better understand this concept, we can first imagine what we do when we really love someone: we seek their happiness, we help them, we try to make them feel good, and we accept them as they are, with all their imperfections and qualities. Actually, looking well after yourself means really accepting yourself for who you are.

Becoming kind towards yourself, means understand yourself, especially when you face failures and mistakes.

That attitude can be a great ally. You can challenge yourselves in a healthy way, taking into account your possibilities, your desires, and not the desires that others have for you.

The use of language is very important to achieve the goal of taking good care of yourself. It is common, and to some extent normal, that on some occasions you speak “badly” to yourself, you do it unconsciously. You cannot talk to yourself always in a loving way, as you could enter into toxic positivity (when a positive attitude is used to mask negative emotions, namely pretending that all is well when it is not).

However, you must not use words that hurt yourself. Nobody insults those who truly love, right? Talking to yourself and thinking badly about some personal aspects (physical or mental), and constantly reiterating it, can in the end make you really believe it.

Taking care of yourself is essential. This implies developing a healthier and more suitable lifestyle. Sleeping and resting enough hours, for example, as well as eating well based on our weight, age and lifestyle, not abusing alcohol or tobacco, are all ways to take care of yourself. Taking time to relax, reconnect with what you really like to do, keep your hobbies, follow your passions and interact with people who bring you something positive in your life means being respectful of yourself.

What about you? Do you take good care of yourself?

How And Why Reinventing Yourself. Find It Out by Following These 6 Steps

Have you ever wanted to reinvent your life? Have you tried several times but failed? Reinventing yourself professionally or personally can be a challenge but also a great adventure. Follow these 6 steps to succeed.

First step: find or wake up one of your passion.

Concluding one phase and starting another one is not easy. Reinventing yourself requires more commitment than a simple change. Consequences may impact vital aspects of your daily life and a lot of courage and determination are needed.

The pandemic phase has forced all of us to look within and it is possible that many of us are dealing with the need of reinventing ourselves. There will be some who feel empty and need to do something to fill the empty spaces, others who have been forced to reinvent themselves due to the loss of a family member or a friend, others due to difficulties with their work.

For one reason or another, these are times when you need to stop to reflect and make decisions. Let’s see how to deal with this situation.

Reinventing yourself in a satisfactory way presupposes confronting yourself with one of the most uncomfortable emotions that exist: fear. You will be forced to leave your comfort zone and take a leap in the dark. The best antidote to fear is passion. It is the first success factor in a “reinvention” phase. Finding your passion, or awakening it, is only possible if you are honest with yourself. You have to ask yourself questions like:

who I really am;
what I want to do;
which of my passions can help me in this moment.

An honest reflection and re-discovery your old dreams are the fundamental ingredients to neutralize fear and not fearing the future.

The second factor that will help you is not to assess uncertainty as a danger but as an opportunity. It is a question of letting go nostalgia and opening up to the experience of the “new”, so that to focus on what you want and not on what you fear.

To achieve this, you must be willing to learn with humility. If you think you already know everything, it is difficult to be able to start over in any area of your life in a satisfactory way. The success of those who are successful is only the tip of the iceberg, behind there are hours and hours of training and mistakes that are barely seen.

Facing the future and uncertainty also requires a great deal of creativity and imagination. When reinventing yourself, it is important to keep a compass to map the path you are taking. The future is not written anywhere, it is up to you to create it and to do so you need our imagination and hard work.

Reinventing yourself means knowing yourself from another perspective and being surprised by the opportunities that suddenly begin to present themselves. If we want your new self to be successful, you need to go out and make yourself known. For this, it is essential to strengthen your network of contacts.

The final ingredient for your success is to be self-confident, because you are capable of doing things you do not even imagine. But you need to learn to use the resources you have and find others available around you.

To conclude, here are the six ingredients to successfully reinvent yourself:

find / awaken your passion to neutralize fear;
transform difficulties into opportunities;
learn, learn, learn;
use great creativity and imagination;
make yourself known;
be self-confident.

Are you ready to reinvent yourself now?

Writing A Résumé

A poem by Wislawa Szymborska

What needs to be done?
fill out the application
and enclose the résumé.

Regardless of the length of life,
a résumé is best kept short.

concise, well-chosen facts are de rigueur.
Landscapes are replaced by addresses,
shaky memories give way to unshakable dates.

Of all your loves, mention only the marriage;
of all your children, only those who were born.

Who knows you matters more than whom you know.
Trips only if taken abroad.
Memberships in what but without why.
Honors, but not how they were earned.

Write as if you’d never talked to yourself
and always kept yourself at arm’s length.

Pass over in silence your dogs, cats, birds,
dusty keepsakes, friends, and dreams.

Price, not worth,
and title, not what’s inside.
His shoe size, not where he’s off to,
that one you pass off as yourself.
In addition, a photograph with one ear showing.
What matters is its shape, not what it hears.
What is there to hear, anyway?
The clatter of paper shredders.

Translated from the Polish by Stanislaw Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh

Indian Proverb

If you see all grey, move the elephant!

2019 is almost over and we will want to make a balance of what has been for us the closing year. Our successes, the difficulties we faced, what we would have liked but did not happen, what we would do differently. But is is also the time to think at the coming new year, what we would like to do, new projects, new perspectives. Maybe you could think at a meaningful phrase that you would transform into a mantra to take it with you all along the year, reminding you about the intentions you set but that you may forget.

I have chosen this Indian proverb. I know, the elephant is a big animal, very big indeed, it will be very difficult to move it! But I may look for someone to help me and then with a joint effort we could make it!

What about you? Would you think about choosing a leitmotiv for 2020!

But now let’s celebrate.

Happy New Year!