Anxiety – Crisbie Coach

Finding Calm: How to Ease Anxiety

Anxiety. If it had a personality, it might feel like that friend who’s always trying to karaoke “It’s the End of the World as We Know It,” uninvited and out of tune. But there’s something crucial in that image: anxiety, though sometimes frustrating, is like a friend trying to help in its awkward way. It’s a signal, not an enemy. Listening to it, rather than pushing it away, can turn it from an uncomfortable acquaintance into a helpful companion.

Reframe Anxiety

Sometimes, anxiety feels like a mental cramp that refuses to ease, a charley horse of the brain that just won’t quit. But imagine reframing that feeling: rather than seeing it as a roadblock, think of it as energy, a coiled spring ready to leap forward. You’re not stressed; you’re energized. You’re prepared for what’s next. Shifting this perspective is like allowing your mind to channel that nervous energy into action, turning tension into readiness.

Planning Helps

For many of us, anxiety doesn’t come from the jitters themselves—it’s the underlying uncertainty that rattles us. Getting a handle on what’s ahead can help tremendously. Try jotting down a list of things you’d like to accomplish today. Breaking it down can relieve some of that looming feeling of overwhelm. Planning takes what’s vague and, in many cases, makes it feel manageable. With a clear list, worries often shrink and fade into the background.

Aim for Excellence, Not Perfection

Perfectionism, though it sounds aspirational, can quickly become anxiety’s favorite partner. It paralyzes, making it difficult to accomplish anything, as we fixate on getting every little detail just right. It’s worth remembering the words of writer Terry Rossio: “My lousy way of getting it done is better than your great way of not doing it.” When you give yourself permission to pursue excellence rather than unattainable perfection, you’re opening a door that lets stress walk right out.

If worrying were an Olympic event, I’d probably have more gold medals than Michael Phelps. And my face would be on a cereal box, looking pensive about cholesterol levels. But here’s a real tip to reduce anxiety—connect with the people you love. It’s called “social buffering” in psychology, and just knowing people care about us reduces our perception of threats. A shared laugh with a friend, in many ways, is like emotional exfoliation. When anxiety finally decides to take a hike, it’s as if you’re seeing the world without 3D glasses: it’s no longer an obstacle course but a place that’s manageable, where mismatched socks are perfectly acceptable.

Getting to the Root of Morning Anxiety

If you wake up anxious, you’re not alone. Let’s unpack some common culprits of morning anxiety and ways to reduce it.

Poor Sleep
A rough night’s sleep often follows a day of ruminating on concerns, tossing around thoughts that keep you awake. Does this sound familiar? Try some grounding techniques to clear your mind, like:

Keeping your eyes open and taking in the details around you.
Listening to calming music.
Planting your feet firmly on the ground, feeling its stability.
Focusing on a neutral conversation or even someone’s voice.

Caffeine Overload
While caffeine can be a friend in small doses, it isn’t if relaxation is the goal. And caffeine isn’t just in coffee; you’ll find it in diet sodas, chocolate, herbal teas, and even some pain relievers. A mindful approach can be a game changer, especially by cutting off caffeine intake after 3 p.m. (I have been doing it for years) if it’s been interfering with your calm.

Excessive Worrying
We all sometimes worry excessively, replaying past scenarios we can’t change or imagining the worst possible outcomes. Ask yourself:

Are these worries rational?
What are the pros and cons of holding on to these concerns?
Remind yourself that most of our worries never come true.
Visualize your worries in front of you, almost like a movie—detached and external. By seeing them as something outside yourself, you can separate from them and let them go.

Set Intentions for the Day
Mornings are the ideal time to set intentions. Thinking through your day’s goals helps streamline thoughts. Start with high-priority tasks, and list out the simpler, manageable ones. As you check them off, you’ll feel lighter. Remember, a written “done” list can be satisfying, each checkmark is a milestone to your progress.

Start a Journal
Writing down your thoughts is incredibly therapeutic, almost like a self-care conversation. Reflect on:

What’s bothering you right now?
Are there work or personal issues occupying your mind?
What makes you happy today?
Journaling creates a safe space to release your thoughts, leading to insights that often ease anxiety.

So, does this resonate with you? These little steps can make a profound difference in easing anxiety, turning it from a relentless karaoke performance into a more peaceful silence. Taking small steps, reflecting, and connecting with the people you love—all are parts of learning to live with a little less anxiety and a lot more joy.

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Would You Recognize Anxiety in One of Your Friends?

If you have been lucky enough not to have suffered from anxiety disorders, you may not understand what it means to be in such a situation of psychological distress.

Family or friends, mostly out of fear, tend to think that the person suffering is not strong enough or determined to get out of it. However, no one chooses to be anxious or depressed, and no one has the magic wand to put an end to such suffering.

Moreover, people who suffer from anxiety are not as easily spotted as you may think. Many victims of anxiety often wear an unconscious mask of confidence and apparent happiness.

They want to hide a disorder that is very difficult to live with because they feel the constant apprehension of revealing it to their loved ones. Anxious people would not want to cause additional worries that could be difficult for their family and friends to deal with. They are also afraid that the relationships could be strongly impacted.

Therefore it may be difficult for families and friends to detect or recognise anxiety disorders.

However, if one of your friends in distress would end up speaking to you about their true condition, then you could try to provide appropriate support. Dialogue, emotional presence and referral to health professionals such as a psychotherapist who would help identify the basic problem are some of the first steps towards healing.

Would you like some tips on getting rid of anxiety? Have a look here!

Why Perfectionism Is Not Healthy

Extreme perfectionism is a compulsive lifestyle that has a high personal cost and can lead to anxiety or depression. Sometimes it hides a low self-esteem. That is why perfectionism is not healthy.

Being perfect means that you do not have imperfections, defects, or weaknesses. For some of us, perfectionism might seem an advantage, especially if it is referred to the work place. If you want to be successful, you should set high standards, have attention to details, and dedication.

However, this is a myth. Perfectionism does not mean to do things well.

Perfectionism affects people of all ages and lifestyles, and it is on the rise among students. An research in which 41,641 British, Canadian and American universities were included between 1989 and 2016, showed an increase in the percentage of young people who feel they need to aim for perfection to achieve their academic and professional goals.

Extreme perfectionism is a compulsive way of demanding that things and the way you do things shall be perfect and precise.

Aiming for perfection can have a high personal cost, it involves multiple negative effects, such as eating disorders, anxiety, or depression.

Especially among young people, the link between perfectionism and suicide risk is alarming.

According to the study, an increasing number of people have been experiencing what the researchers call “multidimensional perfectionism,” which includes perfectionism aimed at themselves, perfectionism aimed at others, and the socially prescribed perfectionism.

While self-oriented perfectionism focuses on extremely high personal standards, other-oriented perfectionism involves that others shall meet high and unmeasured expectations set by us.

In addition, the socially prescribed perfectionism implies the perception that other people, or also society at large, impose being perfect and having perfect performances.

Every form of perfectionism has a negative aspect. When the person who aims for perfection fails, especially in the presence of others, they feel a deep sense of guilt and shame because they perceive it as a flaw or, even worse, as a failure.

Moving from being perfectionist to being a bit less perfectionist

We stigmatize ourselves when we fail, so it’s important to learn that failure is acceptable. This is an inevitable reality, as perfection does not apply to human beings.

Therefore:

give yourself permission to develop more realistic and flexible expectations;

keep your perspective and focus on what you are passionate about;

if you think, or have been told, that you are in a critical situation, do not hesitate to ask for professional help;

recognize that there is also meaning in failure, because you can learn from it.

To conclude, remember that to invent the light bulb, 2000 attempts were necessary!

What do you think about perfectionism? Do you recognise yourself in one category of perfectionism?

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How to Help a Friend in Need

It hurts to see a loved one who is not psychologically well. How to help a friend need then?

Nobody taught you how to help a friend and you don’t know what to do. You celebrate successes with them but you would like to be able to listen to their anxieties, fears, frustrations and problems in general. It really depends on your sensitivity and empathy.

You have noticed that a friend of yours no longer looks like the one you used to know. They seem sad, dull, speak little, they are isolated and blocked in their thoughts. They may be also restless, nervous, hyperactive, anxious, irritable, and have started drinking a lot of alcohol.

You wonder if it was due to the pandemic. Maybe, but they were like that also in the summer, when the Covid situation had improved. They continue to see everything black, they don’t want to go out, see anyone or even talk to anyone.

Moreover, they sleep badly, and are not motivated to go to work.

The first thing that comes naturally to do is trying to reassure them, saying that they don’t need to worry, it will pass quickly, we all have problems and maybe you start telling them about yours, as if this could cheer them up. The result is that your friend is getting worse and worse.

Actually, this diminishing other people’s state of discomfort only contributes to making them feel worse.

Once a psychologist told me that when a person is agitated, you should never tell them to stay calm, because this would have the opposite effect. It is more or less the same thing. If a person is in distress, you should not underestimate their discomfort.

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Therefore, how to help a friend in need?

First, you have to listen to them, in an active and empathic way. Listening in this way is not easy, but you can learn. Validate what the friend feels; don’t underestimate their situation and make them understand that they are not alone.

Sometimes, giving advice is not useful. On the other hand, it may be useful to offer practical help, such as shopping for example.

Alternatively, you can propose to go out together, for a drink or to a restaurant, so that your friend can get distracted and maybe they relax and tell you about the difficult time they are going through. A walk in nature or a short hike are also activities that can prove useful. Visiting an art exhibition or a museum can really help raise the moral.

You don’t have to force them to do anything they don’t want to, you have to give your friend space and time, conveying hope that they will feel better later on. You can also tell them to remember some good times from the past that might be comforting. Or, you can tell them to think of other difficult moments they went through and ask themselves how they overcame them.

In addition, you don’t have neither to put pressure on them nor judge them. Only be available.

Obviously, you must not take responsibility for the mental health of the other person. If you are not a psychologist, you cannot know if what the person is going through is temporary or if it is a real mental disorder.

Therefore, if you see that your friend’s health does not improve, you should try to convince them to go to the doctor to explain the situation. Maybe you could even offer to accompany them, because friendship also means helping each other.

What are your strategies for helping a friend to overcome a difficult situation?

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How to Deal with Eco-anxiety

Eco-anxiety or climate anxiety can be defined as the stress that some people feel due to environmental events even though they have not had to deal with them (yet).

Melting glaciers, fires that more and more often happen worldwide, unbelievable heat waves, just to mention some major events, could really cause eco-anxiety.

The dire effects of climate change are hard to miss, and they instil fear in many people who are worried about the future of the Earth and obviously of the human kind.

If these fears sound familiar to you, you are not the only one.

A recent survey, conducted by The Harris Poll on behalf of the American Psychological Association (APA), found that over two-thirds of respondents suffer at least some “eco-anxiety” and more than a quarter perceive stress.

Respondents between the ages of 18 and 34, who are likely thinking about what the meaning to inherit the Earth on the brink of environmental collapse, were more likely to say they were concerned about climate change, and actually nearly half said the anxiety affects their life every day.

The online survey, which involved 2,017 adults in the United States, covered ecological anxiety and changing habits to reduce the impact on the climate.

The survey results were weighted to reflect the national adult population, taking into account factors such as age, sex, education, region, family income, and ethnicity. 60% of respondents said they had made changes to their behaviour.

The most popular, adopted by over three-quarters of participants, included reducing waste through reuse and recycling of items. In addition to improving the insulation of your home, limiting the use of services such as water, heat and electricity and consuming less in general.

Not all respondents, however, could change daily transport or eating habits. Only two-thirds said they had or would do things like carpool, walk, cycle, eat less red meat, or become vegetarians or vegans.

People who suffered from ecological anxiety were much more likely to feel motivated to change their behaviour than those who didn’t.

While climate change anxiety may seem demoralizing, there are practical ways to manage this stress. It is especially important to gain control because anxiety can increase psychological distress.

Here are 4 tips on how to deal with eco-anxiety:

Finding concrete ways to make a difference

The APA survey found out that half of adults did not know where to start to combat climate change. While it is true that governments and the private sector have the power to make the most radical changes, every citizen can change their habits. Eating less red meat, for example, can reduce carbon emissions. Participating in strikes and protests, such as those held by Greta Thunberg’s Fridays for Future, draws attention to the issue and helps get others to act. Asking local politicians to do more on climate change is also a good rule of thumb.

Re-framing negative thoughts

Overall, research shows that re-framing negative thoughts can help relieve stress, anxiety, and depression. If apocalyptic thoughts keep creeping into your mind, or even prevent you from making plans, it can be helpful to focus your attention on the present.

Addressing all the stressors

It is important to think about climate change-related stress as part of overall mental health. You may also experience financial, relationship, professional or physical stress, which can alter feelings about climate change and vice versa. It is essential to analyse the other stressors as well and, if necessary, seek the help of a professional, like a coach or a psychologist.

Building your resilience

Greater resilience can help resist eco-anxiety. You could increase your resilience by developing a close network of friends and family. Strong social and emotional support is linked to well-being, material aid during times of adversity, and lower rates of psychological distress following a disaster.

Do you think you suffer from eco-anxiety?

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Why Physical Activity Is Essential to Your Health

During the lock-down, the gym clubs have been closed (at least in Europe) and not all of us were able or willing to workout in our homes, perhaps following a video on YouTube. However, to prevent not only weight gain but also stress and anxiety from increasing, it is essential to exercise regularly.

Rhythmic physical activity (dancing, walking, cycling) alone is not enough, you need to maintain muscle mass which with ageing will be decreasing.

Maintaining muscle mass is particularly important in the case of a diet. In fact, thanks to a well developed muscle mass, you can avoid regaining fat and stabilize your weight. To do that, you should eat protein, do some resistance training, increase your Omega 3 intake, and check out your vitamin D levels.

In addition, there are at least 12 other benefits of moderate and regular physical activity. Let us see them.

1. More physical, mental and emotional well-being.

2. Reduce hunger.

3. Improve “bad” cholesterol and reduces triglycerides.

4. Decrease the risk of cardiovascular diseases.

5. Decrease resting heart rate.

6. Reduce abdominal fat.

7. Improve sleep quality.

8. Reduce the time to fall asleep.

Change your habits! Run, cycle, walk in the nature but also in the city, take a yoga or Pilates class even online or take a sports coach. You will see that you will soon get back your shape and motivation!

Are you willing to start or restart going to the gym?

photo of woman doing yoga — Photo by Li Sun on Pexels.com

How and Why You Should Listen to Your Body

In our times, we receive information from many sources: emails, social networks, television, people we know and colleagues. Our mind is over-stimulated for the duration of the day and this can cause stress and anxiety, which can also cause a real burn-out.

The excessive exposure to those information is detrimental to the activity of our body which is relegated to a mere container of organs that allow us to move (even if sometimes less than what we should).

Too many hours spent in front of the screen (mobile phone, computer or television) do not allow the body to tone up and therefore regenerate. During the pandemic, it has become even worse, because of the restrictions imposed to avoid the spreading of the virus. We could go out less often, or not at all.

Furthermore, it can happen that we ignore the pain from the body by using analgesics or other types of medicines to avoid feeling sick.

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If you do this, know that you are waging war to yourself, because silencing your body will not help you solve the problem.

Our body is sending us important signals that we will need to start considering. By continuing to ignore the messages it sends us, there may come a time when the pain becomes unbearable and it might be too late.

As soon as you hear a strange noise coming from your car, you take it to the mechanic before it breaks down. The same thing you should do with your body.

For example, if you experience often back pain, it means that you need to change your position, adopt a more adequate posture, maybe change chairs or just go for a walk.

Try to think that pain is actually your ally because it wants to tell you that there is something wrong with you and which you should take care of.

Let’s see four techniques that you can use every day to learn listening to your body.

Mental scanner. This is a mindfulness technique that involves mentally scanning of your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes to check if each part is healthy.

Daily walks. This is the best way to get up of your chair. Usually all mobile phones have an app to calculate steps. I signed up for a monthly “race” with colleagues to take at least 6,000 steps a day. At the end of the race, there will be an award for the walker who has taken the most steps. Run a race with your friends or colleagues too!

Feeding your body and mind. The Japanese eat up to 80% of their hunger in order not to get heavy (this is a principle of Ikigai). Therefore, eat less but eat healthy, and sleep at least six hours a night so that your body and mind can do a complete “reset”.

Respect the messenger. Instead of taking medicines at the first symptom of discomfort or pain, try listening to your body, what it is communicating to you. Think that your body needs to be considered and looked after. Don’t wait for your body to ask you for help when you are in extreme pain, as remember that it might be too late.

When you don’t feel well, what do you do? Do you listen to your body or you take medications?

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How Our Idea of Life in the City Has Changed During the Pandemic

Covid has radically changed our way of life in the city. Consequently, also our relationship with the city has changed.

If you were willing to pay more for a down-town rent or to buy a small apartment to live in the city, would you do the same today?

Data on home purchases in Belgium show that people during the pandemic wanted to buy or rent properties in the countryside, where homes are cheaper and bigger. Nature is a source of energy that can help us in difficult times such as those of Covid.

If being able to have a quick aperitif after work, to go out for dinner in the evening without having to travel too many kilometres, or going to the cinema or a concert, justified the fact of living in small apartments, where you are exposed to not always easy coexistence with the neighbours and outside noise and traffic, is this still the case now?

Cities during the pandemic have turned into places to mainly work and sleep. Maybe you started asking yourself, what kind of life is it?

If you were able to go to work during the pandemic, didn’t you have the impression of living in the office? If, on the other hand, you have always worked from remote, don’t you think that you have been experiencing difficulty in finding work-life balance?

With the rules of lockdown even using public transport was a problem, due to the fear of contagion. We started to do shopping close to home.

Staying at home all the time and respecting the rules of lockdown have caused spreading of anxiety in a worrying way. In fact, it has been proven that living in the city makes you feel more isolated, even if the opposite would seem to be true.

For a long time we have been deprived of our need and desire for sociability, our walks have been reduced to the tour of the neighbourhood to fulfil our daily commitment to take 6000 steps or not to forget the challenge of staying healthy despite everything.

Things as common as eating with friends or colleagues, going to the cinema or shopping, have turned into extraordinary things.

Is that why living in the countryside has perhaps become more popular? Would spending less on a house with a garden and nature nearby make you change your mind about living in the city?

Do You Like Your Job?

You finish the chore tasks of the day in an hour and you dedicate yourself to kill the time you have left to complete your workday. You might ask your boss something more to do, but you would rather go out. If they need you, they will call you.

It sounds like an enviable plan, but as soon as you have posted something on social media, searched for the best book deals to buy, and eaten a sandwich, you wish the call would come. It does not come, and you realize that you have already become chronically bored, and you feel undervalued. It is not normal.

This type of boredom is called by specialists bore-out syndrome. According to psychologists, this boredom can be as damaging as overwork exhaustion, the best-known burnout syndrome. We tend to think that a bored employee will take the opportunity to pay more attention to performing a certain task, but this is not often the case. According to a study by the University of Lancashire (England), bored people actually perform poorly at work and make more mistakes.

Of course, to avoid getting involved in the source of their boredom, people with this syndrome tend to be distracted by social media and may even develop an addiction. Food, alcohol, and tobacco are great candidates to fill in your time.

Does it sound familiar to you?

It is important to distinguish normal, even healthy, boredom from constant and chronic boredom that ends up making you feel useless. Chronic boredom can generate profound anxiety and can negatively affect all aspects of life, from private and family life to social life.

We already know that, usually, the things that bore us are the same things that we do not like. This lowers the levels of motivation and involvement, the levels of responsibility and makes you adopt a passive attitude. You are procrastinating. However, there is more.

To begin with, know that getting bored during the working day does not depend on the type of work you do, but on the type of interests you have. You can have the best job, even be the boss, but feel deeply bored and undervalued. In other words, working on something that does not match your education or experience, and that does not allow you to develop professionally, is a time bomb. Other causes of demotivation are also lack of communication with others, carrying out monotonous tasks that do not represent any kind of challenge and having a definite contract.

All of these factors increase when you have no other choice than taking a whatever job, or you cannot afford to change your current job. The situation is getting worse in these times due to the economic downturn caused by the pandemic. People in that situation, run a much higher risk of boredom and exhaustion because they do something they know from the start that they do not like. Their only motivation is financial and over the years this becomes hard to bear. It is extremely serious because people spend about 33% of their day at work, and sometimes even more.

To limit the damages you could try finding small motivations that could be incorporated into your work. The idea would be about making each day meaningful and interesting. Communicating interest and commitment to superiors by developing new tasks could also help. Finding an exciting activity to bond downtime at work would be interesting but sometimes impossible to do. In those cases, you could, for example, move it to immediately after working hours.

If despite this, your motivation does not increase, it might be better to look for another job that best suites you, something you could do while keeping your current job. Indeed, it would not be wise to replace the anxiety generated by the lack of motivation at work with the one arising from being unemployed. You could consider a part-time job or volunteering activities if you have enough resources to live on.

What about you? Do you like your job?

5 Secrets To Sleep Better

We all know someone who complains about not sleeping or sleeping badly. In Europe, about one third of the adult population has difficulty falling asleep and between 10% and 15% suffer from chronic insomnia. I myself have suffered from insomnia for a long time. This is a problem that can have various causes (from the excessive use of digital devices that emit blue light – computers, tablets, TVs, etc. – to biological issues). One of the causes may also be the obsession with sleeping well.

What is this obsession? It is a phenomenon called orthosomnia (from the Greek ortho, “perfect”, and from the Latin somnia, “rest”) and, according to experts, although it is not yet considered a disorder, it is getting increasingly common. It consists in continually recurring thoughts, that I call “circular thoughts”, namely thoughts that enter a vicious circle precisely because they are always the same and recur all the time. The main causes of these thoughts are, guess what, stress and anxiety. Not being able to sleep, your mind does not stop thinking about the same things over and over (hence circular thoughts, i.e. thoughts that come back).

If you suffer from insomnia, even if not severe, it would be good to do a complete sleep study (polysomnography) to find an effective solution. I had this test. I was in a sleep clinic for one night, with electrodes attached all over the body including, of course, the head. I have found that, during my sleeping time, Alpha waves (the brain waves typical of the awaking period) intrude from time to time.

The obvious solution would be to try eliminating or at least reducing stress. I know, it’s not easy. Therefore, I propose that you try the following five tips.

Learn to breathe well and deeply by practising a discipline such as Yoga, Pilates or meditation.
Create a relaxing environment. A quiet home is the key to a restful night. If you have trouble falling asleep, keep your bedroom clean and clear of unnecessary items, tidy up the things you have left lying around and you will see that you will have a more peaceful night.
Use essential oils that are particularly suitable for inducing sleep, such as lavender or chamomile.
Create a playlist to help you relax and fall asleep.
Try using Bach Flowers and melatonin. White Chestnut against circular thoughts and Rescue Sleep to help you fall asleep. I used them for several months, then gradually I stopped and now I suffer much less from thoughts that come back and I also sleep much better. At the moment I use only melatonin and I think it is a good solution for my insomnia.

And you, do you suffer from insomnia? Do you have circular thoughts that haunt you? Would you try these tips?