Archivi dei tag: trust

Being Too Attached to Your Pet Would Reflect a Psychological Disorder

The importance of human-animal bonding in developing emotion regulation, social skills and mental health in children, teen-agers and adults has always been recognized. Attachment to a pet is fundamental for human beings.

“He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.”– Immanuel Kant

This famous expression involves the concept from which one of the most beautiful existing relationships can be extrapolated. The link that can be created between two different species: human beings and animals.

Literature, cinema, but above all facts of everyday life (often made famous), are the tangible proof of the indissoluble bond that animals and people can generate between themselves; a true relationship that arises from trust and mutual respect.

Here is a study that may spark debate among pet owners, as it shows that too much attachment to pets would be a sign of an attachment disorder.

A recent study published in the journal BMC Psychiatry tells us that people very attached to their pet are more likely to suffer from a behavioral disorder and more specifically attachment disorders.

To reach this conclusion – which immediately makes our connection with our pets less romantic – researchers at Saarland University conducted a survey with 610 dog owners, mostly women aged 18 to 73. They asked the participants to complete various questionnaires to assess their mental health status and the type of connections they develop in general. By analyzing the answers, the scientists found a link between being attached to their dogs and signs of mental disorders and emotional distress.

A compensatory strategy

The study goes even further by pointing out that this intense bond with a pet demonstrates a lack of trust in others and a fear of being rejected or not being loved. Attachment to one’s pet would thus be an attachment strategy to compensate for the difficulty of being closed to other humans. A difficulty probably stemming from a lack of emotional security during childhood.

For sure I am super attached to my gorgeous cat, I cannot say though if I am disturbed 🙂

What about you? Do you have a pet? Do you feel attached to them?

Cultivating Trust in Life

In life it happens sometimes that the difficulties are transformed into problems and that the efforts necessary to solve the complexities that life presents to us are important and sometimes last a long time. Sometimes we feel discouraged, and we feel like saying “Enough, I can’t take it any longer, when will it end?”. That’s how we lose trust in life.

Those who know the universal law of alternation continue to have confidence in life, whatever happens because they know that everything is change, renewal and impermanence. They were able to observe that an expansion necessarily follows a contraction and that after dark the light returns.  They are aware that one day things will change, and that life will make them smile again.

The guides who accompany the great expeditions in Kilimanjaro, one of the highest mountains in the world, use a Swahili expression to comfort fatigued walkers: “Polé, polé”, which means “slowly, slowly, one step at a time”.

Without interpreting what happens to us or projecting ourselves into a future that we do not know, we are left with only the concrete possibility of welcoming our moments of misfortune, without resisting them, because all the efforts will only cause loss of energy.

So, go ahead, keep on with trust in life, and slowly, slowly, one step at a time, you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

You can find more articles on trust here.

brown brick tunnel
Light – Photo by Ksenia I on Pexels.com

Overconfidence Effect

1995, Pittsburgh, USA. MacArthur Wheeler breaks into a bank for a robbery. But strangely, he acts with his face uncovered… and smells very strong lemon! Easily identified thanks to surveillance cameras, he is arrested the same evening.

So why didn’t Wheeler cover his face like all robbers do?

Wheeler thought having a great idea: lemon juice could serve as invisible ink to write secret messages, therefore it could be used to become invisible to the cameras if he would spray his face.

This piece of news intrigues two psychologists, Daniel Dunning and Justin Kruger: how can people be so sure of themselves when they obviously know nothing?

To find an answer, the two psychologists set up a small experiment. They submit tests (humorist, grammatical, and logical reasoning) to groups of people and then ask them to self-assess. As a result, the people who have failed their tests the most are also those who feel they have done the best.

This is the “Dunning-Kruger effect“, also called the overconfidence effect: when you are not competent in a field, you do not recognize this incompetence and you are even strongly tempted to overestimate your own abilities!

Wheeler the robber, who thought being an expert in becoming invisible, was probably a victim of this psychological bias which can also do damage in other fields. For example, if in the workplace, very self-confident incompetents get promoted instead of competent but more discreet colleagues, this can generate stress, a sense of injustice and demotivation within a team.

In short, it can make relationships between colleagues as acid as lemon!

How many overconfident people have you met?

yellow lemon fruit on yellow surface
Lemon – Photo by Cup of Couple on Pexels.com



A Long Lasting Strike

Ireland, May 1970.  The country’s banks were closing one after the other. The reason? The employees claimed for a salary increase. Their strike would be long lasting, it went on for 6 months! How will people withdraw money, receive their pay-checks or buy things?

Their way out to this long lasting strike was going to the pub! Indeed, these typical bars of the country have a lot of cash.

In addition, the owners know everyone, and enjoy great trust from their customers.

Therefore, Irish people turned to them. They signed cheques and collected cash in exchange. Pub owners will only need to wait for the banks to reopen. Thank to this way out, they could pay for their purchases, and everything went well.

For the anthropologist David Graeber, this episode would tend to show that the job of bank’s employees has no “social utility”. When they would not work, everything continued to function normally. This proved to be true as in the year of the strike, the Irish economy grew as well as usual.

Obviously, Irish could not do some operations, like asking for loans, making investments in the stock market or establishing business companies.

Finally, everyone was very happy when they could go to the bank again, especially the pub owners who could cash out all the checks they received.

Actually, bank jobs have changed a lot during the last twenty years. When I opened my first bank account, I had to go there and meet someone to do all the papers. The last one I opened, I went to the bank just to sign one paper, to verify the authenticity of my signature.

Beyond social utility, today we are witnessing the disappearance of professions due to the increasingly widespread use of artificial intelligence which causes, and will massively cause, a radical change in the job market.

What jobs do you think will change or disappear in the near future?

high angle photo of robot
Artificial Intelligence – Photo by Alex Knight on Pexels.com

How to Embrace Change

Life is constant change, Buddha and Aristotle already said it: change is a fact of life. But change has also been accelerating in recent decades. Massive disruption across the social, technological, political and environmental dimensions of our lives means that we are constantly trying to figure out how best to manage uncertainty. And for someone it can be scary.

The origin of this fear can be found in biology. Our brain is the result of two and a half million years of evolution. We have lived in caves much longer than we have in cities. This means that we have “coded” automatic responses to successfully respond to everyday threats.

If absurdly you see a tiger walking down the street, you would not try to understand what breed it is but you would rather try to escape as quickly as possible (flight). Another codified reaction would be to stay still, hoping that the tiger will not see you (freeze). The last possible reaction would be to fight it (fight), with very, very limited chances of success, so your brain would immediately discard it.

Flight, Freeze or Fight are the three primal reactions to events that we perceive as dangerous to our safety.

However, the wonderful circuits that have allowed us to evolve as a species are not suited to addressing the most subtle threats of our age, such as digitization, the pandemic or the risk of losing your job.

These fears are evolutionarily new and are not always easy to manage.

bengal tiger half soak body on water during daytime
Photo by Flickr on Pexels.com

Remember that the brain is designed for your survival, not your happiness. Therefore, to face changes, you have to understand them as opportunities and learn from the potentials they entail. Moreover, this is not as automatic as running away from something dangerous. On the contrary, it takes effort and training.

Let us see how you could get started by following these four tips.

1. First of all, it is important to train your mind daily. Just as you go to the gym or practice by yourself, you need to keep your brain muscle in shape. Try to do something different every day. For example, you could change sources of information when reading the news (also useful to understand various points of view), change your route to go to work, or try a new dish.

2. Second, you can try to consider what happens to you in a different manner. For instance, a good way is reading history to realize that although we live in an age where changes happen very fast, all these progresses have allowed us, for example, to increase our life expectancy.

3. Third, try to disconnect from technology and reconnect with yourself and your surroundings. If you are always immersed in the digital world, you will not have time to integrate learning and to find a certain and needed tranquility. For example, one day during the weekend or on vacation you can put your mobile in the “don’t disturb” mode.

4. Fourth, trust. If you look at the difficulties that you have already faced in the past, you will see that now they look easy to you. If you have already been able to overcome challenging situations, why should not you be able to do it now?

Are you afraid of change or do you like new challenges?

Photo by Braden Collum on Unsplash

Has the Pandemic Made You Select Your Friends?

The blow the pandemic has been giving us is clear. Even in the same city, restrictions force us to select who we want to see and who we don’t. A difficult decision, but it can have a positive side: selecting those friendships that contribute most to our well-being.

This selection could be actually a good thing. It has been studied that qualitative relationships are limited. And in the current context, we cannot expect the number of friends we have to be the same as before. The pandemic is teaching us to prioritize and truly care for the people we consider important. This is an improvement that compensates for a possible loss.

But how to choose? The answer is not that difficult. If we think carefully, we realize that the people we have stopped seeing are mainly those people we have never seen regularly (for example, the colleagues we only met at work). This situation shows clearly who we must meet in favour of those with whom we want to meet. What makes a friendship satisfactory is presence and dedication.

In her book “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships“, Kat Vellos talks about what she calls the “seeds of connection”, which are proximity, frequency, compatibility and commitment, and which help to identify good friends.

Studies conducted define the four characteristics of authentic friendship: trust, sincerity, fidelity and reciprocity. When you lose one of these pillars, you may want to say goodbye to your friend.

But the pandemic has not only made us stop seeing some people, it has also made us fight with some others. We are all more anxious and stressed. Also the fact of wearing the mask incorrectly could trigger a conflict. When this happens, it is advisable to stop relationships until the tension fades away. We already have to endure all what the pandemic entails that we don’t need to add any more stress.

For friends who have passed the “selection”, it is time to find time and space to share with them to interact without distractions and have a relaxing chat. Looking into each other’s eyes when we speak, taking care of the posture of our body, using appropriate tone and words, are only some elements of an effective communication also among friends..

Maintaining and caring for our good friendships can also improve our health and increase our ability to bear stress.

To have a full and healthy life, we should spend more time with friends, albeit only in a virtual way for the time being. With the difficulties caused by the pandemic we must find new ways to relate to each other, and continue to invest time in finding new subjects of conversation, for example talking about a series that you are watching, being on platforms to carry out online activities together, or having a drink together on a video call.

These are just a few ideas for maintaining your friendships during the pandemic. What do you do to stay in touch with your friends?

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

The Trap Of High Expectations

Our brain does not like uncertainty. We are programmed for survival but we cannot move on if what surrounds us is not clear. To reduce the uncomfortable feeling that a lack of certainty generates, we create expectations. However, relying on our expectations does not always help us feel better. Our expectations affect us more than we imagine. They affect our learning, our perception, and how we treat those around us.

Our expectations can become a source of frustration. For example, you definitely want to see a movie because you have heard great comments about it but after watching it you find out that you actually did not like it that much, so you feel disappointed. If you go to eat in a famous restaurant, then the food does not seem to you so well prepared, you are disappointed (and you may have spent a fortune).

Expectations are said to be anticipated resentments, because when reality does not match your expectations it causes you frustration.

In marketing, customer satisfaction is defined as the result of perception minus expectation. The higher the expectation, the higher you will have to set the bar of experiences or relationships in order to be satisfied. This is an unconscious mechanism, but there are ways to act on your way of thinking, so that it could play in your favour.

Let’s see how they can help you in the context of the current pandemic.

1. Trust that soon the pandemic will end, thanks to the progress of vaccination. Do not get obsessed by setting an end date though. Now in Europe they are talking about mid-July, but can how you be sure? Do not let your happiness depend on the end of Covid.

2. Replace expectations with gratitude. Be grateful that you did not get sick, that you have a house to live in, that someone loves you. Look at the little details of your daily life and you will surely find something to be grateful for.

Living without so many expectations is easier because you value what happens to you in that moment without being influenced by the idea you created before. This does not mean abandoning your dreams or desires. You must keep them as a beacon that guides you in the decisions about your future, but you shall not make your happiness depend on external factors that are beyond your control.

Can you let go any of your expectations?

Photo by Cortney Corlew on Unsplash

Bee Beep or the Paradox of Tranquillity

In the middle of the desert, a somewhat stupid coyote runs after a very clever bird. The two animals go at high speed.

Suddenly, the bird stops in front of a precipice. The coyote, on the other hand, continues to run without looking until it realizes it is running in the air.

This scene is a classic of Bee Beep and the coyote.

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But it is also the perfect illustration of a very serious economic theory: the hypothesis of financial instability.

According to Hyman Minsky, all periods of economic prosperity contain the elements of a future crisis. Like what? It is simple. When all goes well, economic agents (households, businesses, the State) are trustful and borrow money to carry out projects, invest, and develop activities.

In this good environment, investors risk more; banks lend money more easily, without paying too much attention to the danger of not being repaid. Minsky calls this the “paradox of tranquillity”.

However, at some point, the whole economy lives on credit. It then happens that other, more worrying phenomena arise: unemployment, slowdown in activities, lower income, and difficulty in repaying. Despite this, economic agents continue to behave as if nothing had happened. Just like when the poor coyote runs in the air!

Some bad news are enough to trigger the “Minsky moment“: everyone wakes up suddenly and gets scared. We realize that risks can no longer be taken, loans cannot be repaid, and banks stop lending money.

It is the general crisis: the coyote is too busy to realize it is about to fall on deaf ears. And it is too late to avoid to fall. The same happens in the real world.

And what about you, has it ever happen to you to live a Minsky moment?

Di شہاب – Opera propria, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=44752971

Empathy: a Link Between Us and The Others

Relating to others may be difficult sometimes. Tensions may arise but they could be turned into opportunities to get to know each other better. The relationship can thus improve and become a source of joy and inspiration.

Empathy is not to show mercy, but it is the possibility that a person tries to put herself in other’s shoes and lives from the inside what the other feels at that moment.

An important thing to know is that empathy is not a talent with which you are born, but it can be learned. Being empathic means first of all feeling somehow involved towards the other from us. Surely it is easier to feel empathy for people who are similar to us than for people who we feel as antagonist.

If we want to be empathetic with our colleagues at work, we could try talking to them more often, asking them what they have been experiencing and the emotions they feel rather than imagining it, which could prove to be absolutely misleading.

A good empathy could allow us to feel the emotions that our interlocutors feel and we could thus anticipate their reactions. When people feel understood, the path of trust and good understanding opens up. True empathy allows you renewing a bond that could have seemed broken.

But be careful: empathy cannot be directed only towards others but it has to be directed also towards ourselves. In order to identify the emotions of others, we shall first know how to identify our emotions and not only the positive ones but also the negative ones such as, for instance, anger, bitterness, shame. The clearer our emotions are, the more we can accept and understand others’ emotions. Understanding why we experience certain emotions will allow us to put ourselves in others’ shoes and understand the reasons why one person was pushed to experience one emotion rather than another. The diversity of points of view can only be understood if we accept that we all are diverse.