Archivi dei tag: purpose

Why Accepting That You Cannot Always Be Happy Makes Your Life Easier

After having read a lot about happiness, I found out that you also would need to accept that you cannot always be happy because it will make your life easier.

What is the real meaning of being happy? Is it really necessary to be happy all the time to be successful in life?

Some researchers state that happiness means designing your own quality of life and also finding ways to strive for continuous improvement. They say that we all have a social purpose to live for, that is our mission. If you keep a journal, for instance, you would be able to evaluate the activities that make you happy and compare them with those that make you unhappy. In this way you may have a choice. You can also compare yourself with others’ activities to find out what makes them happy and get inspired. It doesn’t mean that you have to compare yourself with others: you are unique, and  in some cases you don’t even know those people very well.

Moreover, there is not a single recipe to be happy. Not everyone will be happy by practicing meditation or sports, for instance. There are, however, common factors that will influence your happiness:  valuable relationships, a meaningful job,  work-life balance, a great partner and good health. In any case, you may find someone who is not happy in spite of the fact that they have a good job and they get along well with their partner.

Yet, there are also researchers saying that it is not important to target happiness as such, but you would need to to learn how to be unhappy, by accepting the moments of unhappiness without judgement and as part of your life.

Being always positive is not good

Some scientists see with a critical eye today’s trend on being always positive. Avoiding facing distress, sorrow, misery is not a solution. You can’t ignore being unhappy, you have to accept it for what it is. You can also share your negative feelings or emotions with others, it will help you create and strengthen your relationships. When you are worried and you know that someone will listen to you, you may feel a bit better after having shared your distress and discomfort.

Actually, those who pretend to always be happy may end up being alone, isolated and of course unhappy.

Accept what life gives you in the present moment

This sounds like a paradox but if you try to accept your unhappiness as a moment in your life that sooner or later will fade away, you will be more content.

The most important thing is to be happy with the life you live, acknowledging and accepting the ups and downs that are part of your life. As the French say, c’est la vie.

I Accept Myself As I Am

After finishing my training to become a coach (already a long ago, in 2017), I began to recite a mantra that sounds like this: 

I love and accept myself as I am.

Every time I argue with my husband, especially when he doesn’t like some of my behaviour, I go with my mantra: I love and accept myself as I am.

What does it mean to love and accept ourselves as we are?

First, it means having a healthy relationship with ourselves, namely clogging the genuine belief that we are enough and not continuing to try to be “validated” by others.

Self-acceptance is not just about your body. Sometimes when we look in the mirror (especially us women) we do not like ourselves, we see ourselves fat, a little older, with dark circles under our eyes and who knows what other defects. Our body is the most visible part of ourselves, and commercials make us see people in great shape, always perfect and beautiful.

But also our personality is important of course, and it is crucial to accept ourselves as we are.

Why is accepting oneself so important?

Research has shown that non-acceptance of oneself or poor self-acceptance can be the cause of depression and anxiety. In addition, a negative image of ourselves can even cause eating disorders that could also turn into obesity.

Although accepting ourselves as we are would make us feel better, it is not easy, because we always seek others’ approval. This is also the result of social conditioning, which pushes us to always seek validation from the group, from the community we belong and feel part of.

Moreover, today, with the massive use of social media, we tend more and more to compare ourselves to others, we want to get as many likes as possible, to feel part of something that goes beyond our identity, and prevents us from achieving a well-being based on who we really are and what we seek in life, our purpose, why we are on this planet, in one word, your Ikigai, as the Japanese would say.

We think that judgment, the approval of others contributes to our well-being, when in reality it is not like that.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Who are these “others” whom you trust so much that you let them judge you?
  2. Do you really know them well?
  3. Why do you trust their judgment?

Remember: accept yourself for what you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

Make my mantra yours: I love and accept myself as I am.