If you want to be happy or happy again, here are five tips you should remember and use whenever you are surrounded by people spreading negative energy.
1. Find the source – If you want to protect yourself from negative energy, I would suggest you first locate the cause. Don’t be afraid to confront it then. In the end, you will be able to free yourself from all negative influences.
2. Focus on the positive – If you focus on a certain positive thought to help you eliminate negative energy, rather than focusing on the unpleasant things, you will be able to tune into the positive energy and use it to your advantage.
3. You have the power to find the right solution – No matter what happens in your life, you will always be able to improve things. Believe in your potential and power to become happy and satisfied with your life. This way, you will understand that you are not a helpless victim.
4. Meeting positive people – The best way to avoid negativity is to meet positive people. It’s important that you have a friend who can support you, be there for you, and help you with life’s tough challenges. If you don’t want to go out, you can always suggest other ideas.
5. Negative energy isn’t always addressed to you – You might think that all negativity is targeting you directly. But this is not true. Negative energy is more about the emotional condition of others. In other words, it doesn’t depend on you and it is not always addressed to you.
The words you use can change your reality. Language actually generates changes in your brains and changes your perception of the environment around you.
Language is linked to emotions. Your words are constantly sending messages to your brain. According to neuroscientists Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman, negative words cause the increase of cortisol, the stress hormone. Therefore, adopting a negative attitude and using phrases like “I cannot do it”, “I will fail” or “it is impossible” could weaken your personal physical and mental health.
Nowadays, many techniques associated with changing the language to treat various psychological disorders are used. An example of this is the cognitive-behavioural therapy, which demonstrate that promoting positive thinking through the language used by the patient improves their mental state.
This therapy aims to replace patients’ negative views about themselves and their surroundings with more positive ones. The applied techniques have proven to be an effective treatment for disorders such as depression, phobias, addictions or anxiety, as the activity of the brain amygdala increases when you perceive a more prosperous future through positive words. On many occasions, these therapies have proven to be as effective as medicines.
Research has shown that the brain improves when you start using three to five positive expressions for each one negative. Language has a powerful ability to change your world. It affects you negatively when you use a poor, defeatist language but it also works the other way around, namely, when you use positive phrases they will help you change your perception of the world.
Start adopting a series of simple but very effective techniques. For example, use “yet” instead of using only “not”. Saying “I cannot do it” is not the same as saying “I cannot do it yet“. “Yet” leaves the doors open, arouses hope, evokes motivation.
You should not use “but” or, at least, you should build your phrases differently. “But” does not have the same effect when you say, “You did a good job, but you gave it to me late” compared to when you say, “You gave it to me late, but you did a good job.”
Tenses also give you a great opportunity to change your emotions. Instead of using the conditional, try using the future. You change a hypothetical scenario for a true one. It is not the same as saying: “When I write a book, I would speak of happiness” rather than “When I write a book, I will speak of happiness”. Doubt lives in the conditional, certainty in the future.
At the same time, you should avoid words like failure, problem, impossible or guilt in your language and replace them by more inspiring words like challenge or responsibility. The latter not only pushes you to grow and open more doors, but also makes you interact better with others.
Words are not harmless. They can build or tear down walls. By changing your language, you will improve your image, as language is a way to reach others. Remember that the words you use also improve the environment around you.
I have been receiving Miguel’s emails for some time, cannot really say how long. Recently, I received this article in my mail box that perfectly matches with the purpose of my blog. Actually Miguel, also published a video, in case you prefer watching to reading. Enjoy it!
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Humans have a natural tendency to gravitate towards negative thinking.
We could assume that tendency is there because it gave our ancestors a small survival advantage.
Those that were happy-go-lucky optimists got eaten by wolves.
Those that were pessimists and hoping for the worst didn’t get eaten as much.
So here we are today with a lizard brain primed to expect the worst.
Although there might be an evolutionary advantage to being pessimistic, living your life pestered by gloomy doomy thoughts is no fun.
The truth is today we live in a much more safe environment than hundreds of thousands of years ago.
It’s very rare for people to succumb to hungry tooth sabre tigers and such.
Yet, we live in a constant state of alert and fear triggered in part by nature only exacerbated by the news and social media.
So how do we escape negative thoughts?
Besides recreational drugs, alcohol, mindless social media binging, and meditation, I dare to propose a new way to lead happier mental lives.
You could think of this method as a thought experiment, a new mental model to deal with pessimistic thinking.
I call it the thought landscape.
Disclaimer: if you have trouble using your imagination or suffer from aphantasia, it won’t be easy to implement this approach.
The concept is quite simple to understand but tricky to master.
It goes like this:
A: There is a large number of thoughts we can have (negative, positive, neutral)
B: However, at any given instant, we can only think of one thing.
C: We can choose what we think at any given instant (focus)
D: Therefore, we can choose to substitute any current thought with any other available thought from A.
These are vast assumptions so let me elaborate a bit on each point.
A: This one everyone should agree. The number of thoughts a human can have is between 0 and Many. Many could be thousands or millions, a lot.
If you have a working brain, A should always be many. 0 is only for dead people.
B: This could be debated. However, we could safely assume that we can only hold one thought at a time. Thinking two thoughts simultaneously is not possible. I.e., you cannot think blue or black simultaneously (“Bluk” is not a colour!)
C: This could be more debatable, but If I tell you to think of a white elephant, usually you’ll think of a white elephant, not of a purple platypus. So you were able to change your thinking deliberately.
D: If the three statements above hold true, then it has to be true that we can control what we think at any given moment.
And if D is true, then it is good news for all of us!
This means that thinking negatively is, for the most part, a choice.
So, if you catch yourself stuck on negative thinking, now you know it’s because you chose to do so.
Great, and then what?
Then you can discard that thought, take a step back and look at what other thoughts are available from A.
The goal of taking this imaginary step back is to gain a new perspective.
Is to gain some altitude and contemplate which other thoughts you could choose from.
In A., we established that there could be many other thoughts you could have.
The range of available thoughts is what I call the thought landscape.
Like a physical landscape, you’ll see valleys and hills.
Photo by Claudio Testa on Unsplash
Now that you’ve momentarily elevated yourself over your thought landscape, it’s time to choose.
What other thoughts do you see that you could choose to think next?
Let me give you a concrete example of how this would play out for me.
So here I am, thinking I’m not good enough, smart enough, that people suck, that the pandemic sucks, that politicians are hypocrites, etc.
I’m feeling like shit. This is no fun. Then I realize I can choose what to think.
I take a step back and look at what other thoughts are currently available across my thought landscape.
In the beginning, it’s hard to see past a few meters because all the negative thoughts are fighting for attention, clouding my vision.
I try to rise a bit higher, past the dark fog.
I know there are other thoughts across the dark valley of shitty thoughts.
There you go… I see some light.
About 2 km away, I see a couple of green hills peeking through the clouds.
I take a closer look.
I see my family on one of them.
They love me. I feel happy to know they are alive and they love me.
I see food. Yum! I can see I have plenty of food, and I can afford more if I need to.
That makes me happy.
Another hill. Wow! I’m relatively healthy. How lucky I am! I can still walk, play sports, dance, use my body. My hands work… I can build things!
Another hill further away.
I see people in need. People whose lives I could make better. It makes me happy I could help other people. That’s important.
This exercise took only a couple of minutes, and my outlook has completely changed.
I feel gratitude. I feel alive. I feel happy.
My thought landscape is full of wonderful thoughts to choose from.
I don’t want to discriminate against negative thoughts. I just don’t want them to dictate how I feel 90% of the time.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember a single day of my life where I didn’t have a moment where my mind wasn’t imprisoned by negative thinking.
Negative thinking is inevitable. It’s there for our survival. We just need to learn how to keep it at bay.
The thought landscape will always offer you plenty of alternative thoughts, equally or even more valid than the negative thoughts you currently hold in your mind.
Our thoughts are very powerful. They contribute largely to our mood. When negative thoughts creep into our mind without asking for permission, we can easily fall into a pattern of negativity that reflects on our life and well-being. It seems difficult to get out of the vicious circle of negative thoughts, but there are simple solutions that take us towards positive thinking and drive out negative ideas. It can be enough to carefully observe the pattern of our thoughts and try to change them.
Here are 5 steps that will guide you towards positive thinking.
Write down your negative thoughts. Realising how critical we are to ourselves is the first step towards indulgence. Maybe you don’t notice how many times your inner voice says “I am really incapable” or “I will never be able to do it”. When a thought like that gets in your mind, write it down. It will help you understand how you (badly) treat yourself from time to time (or maybe often?).
Fight negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Once you have written down your negative thoughts, fight them with positive ones. Try replacing some of your negative thoughts with positive thoughts. For example, don’t think that you are incapable, think you are sensitive. And even if you have not reached your goal yet, remember that your determination will allow you to get there.
Put sticky notes on the mirror congratulating yourself. This may make you smile, but writing love messages to yourself can really work. Starting the day with small positive notes will allow you to feel better. It will also help you fight the negative inner voice during your day.
Speak to yourself as if you were talking to a friend. Could you ever tell a friend how ugly they are, that they will never succeed in life, or that they are incapable? So why would you do it to yourself? Treat yourself with more kindness and don’t judge yourself. Do not seek perfection and remember that we learn from our mistakes.
Practice, practice, practice. Maybe these techniques will not come naturally to you at first. Perhaps you will not believe in positive thinking or you will not be able to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. But if you try some techniques every day, after a while it will become easier. So, practice, practice, practice.
Remember that you cannot change a situation but you can change your approach to it. By changing your thoughts, you will also change your life.
Crisbie Coach 