Archivi dei tag: Negative

Sharing the Little Good Things

The publication on Facebook or other Social Media provokes a contagious phenomenon. Both positive or negative news generate a reaction from the followers. That’s why I think that sharing little good things would bring positivity to your life.

I rarely publish negative things on Facebook, with the exception of some situations that happen in big cities, like a poor waste collection. I definitely prefer to publish positive news because I think that generally speaking the media report mainly about bad news. I am convinced that both positive and negative things happen in the world. Honestly, I think that more good things happen and that they are worth sharing. By sharing good things, you will help the world be a better place as positive energy will spread all over around you. Bad news attracts the attention of the public because of their morbidity but they only contribute to the creation of a spiral of negativity.

Social Crisis

It is true that our society has been in crisis for many years now and that politics does not offer adequate solutions to problems that are increasingly complex. There are too many homeless people, salaries are low and life is expensive. But despite this I am sure that life reserves us moments of joy that we should not hide, rather we should celebrate!

I am happy about my life overall. Of course, the environment that surrounds me is not ideal; sometimes things do not go as they should; I see injustices, I have my intolerance and suffering, but I don’t let myself be involved in this negative spiral. If I think about the life that our grandparents used to live, then there is nothing else to do than rejoice. We have food every day, running water, electricity and heating in our homes. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs we surely passed the first two levels. What if you were a woman born in Afghanistan and had to wear the burka? Or if you were born in a country at war? Or if you were forced to pay a fortune to heal yourself?

Therefore, do not hesitate to share your moments of joy, your successes, small or big, because this will spread and create positivity all around you. Of course, not every day will be spring, but I’m sure you can always find a small good thing to share.

This does not mean that you should not try to improve yourself, but it does mean that your personal development would be easier if you looked at the glass half full instead of the glass half empty.

So, are you ready for positivity? Let me know!

I Accept Myself As I Am

After finishing my training to become a coach (already a long ago, in 2017), I began to recite a mantra that sounds like this: 

I love and accept myself as I am.

Every time I argue with my husband, especially when he doesn’t like some of my behaviour, I go with my mantra: I love and accept myself as I am.

What does it mean to love and accept ourselves as we are?

First, it means having a healthy relationship with ourselves, namely clogging the genuine belief that we are enough and not continuing to try to be “validated” by others.

Self-acceptance is not just about your body. Sometimes when we look in the mirror (especially us women) we do not like ourselves, we see ourselves fat, a little older, with dark circles under our eyes and who knows what other defects. Our body is the most visible part of ourselves, and commercials make us see people in great shape, always perfect and beautiful.

But also our personality is important of course, and it is crucial to accept ourselves as we are.

Why is accepting oneself so important?

Research has shown that non-acceptance of oneself or poor self-acceptance can be the cause of depression and anxiety. In addition, a negative image of ourselves can even cause eating disorders that could also turn into obesity.

Although accepting ourselves as we are would make us feel better, it is not easy, because we always seek others’ approval. This is also the result of social conditioning, which pushes us to always seek validation from the group, from the community we belong and feel part of.

Moreover, today, with the massive use of social media, we tend more and more to compare ourselves to others, we want to get as many likes as possible, to feel part of something that goes beyond our identity, and prevents us from achieving a well-being based on who we really are and what we seek in life, our purpose, why we are on this planet, in one word, your Ikigai, as the Japanese would say.

We think that judgment, the approval of others contributes to our well-being, when in reality it is not like that.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Who are these “others” whom you trust so much that you let them judge you?
  2. Do you really know them well?
  3. Why do you trust their judgment?

Remember: accept yourself for what you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

Make my mantra yours: I love and accept myself as I am.

Why You Shouldn’t Tell This to Depressed People

Whether you went through depression or have a loved one who suffers from it, we all know that depression is not easy to live with. And what makes the situation worse is often the feeling that people around us don’t understand our being unwell and try to minimize the importance of this disorder.

I explained it in my last post on Wise&Shine last week.

Therefore, I would like to list here some phrases that you shouldn’t tell to depressed people:

1. “Focus on getting better.”  We tend to forget that the state of depression affects us physically and psychologically. It is not enough to get out of bed, get some fresh air and take a walk to get rid of it. If this were the case, depressives would be the first ones to do so, without your advice, because it is very likely that they want to get out of this state.

2.”It will be better tomorrow.”  This phrase could worsen the condition of the depressed person. They may expect to get better the next day, but depression cannot be treated overnight.

3.”Just be happy” For a depressed person, being happy is inconceivable because their disorder alters the image they have of reality. Talking to them about happiness will not improve their disorder, on the contrary. You cannot talk to them about things they are unable to do and sometimes even understand.

4. “It’s your fault.”  Often, when something negative happens to our life, we imagine that it is our fault, and that we deserve it. This kind of approach can aggravate the situation of the depressive person.

5. “Don’t be so negative.”  Negativity is part of how depressive people see life. It doesn’t make sense to tell them something like this. Most probably they will not understand.

6.”Stop complaining, there are people who have a more terrible life.”  This is what I hate the most. It’s not by comparing to some other people that a depressed person would feel better. Being unable to get out of their depression, they would feel even more guilty and miserable for being unwell when they see that terrible things are happening around them. Depressives have very low self-esteem, and this kind of sentence will only increase their self-hatred.

Remember that we all may face difficult times in life. Try to be compassionate with anyone who is suffering also making a good use of your words.

What about you? Do you feel compassionate when someone is suffering?

Positive Affirmations

Our mind is fascinating. It has its own rhythm, unique perceptions and we are not aware of all its possibilities yet. Waves of thought run through our mind but I must say that unfortunately most of them are negative. However, you need to know that there is a way out to go around your negative inner monologue: positive affirmations.

I read about the importance of positive affirmations in one book of Louise Hay.

Affirmations are short positive sentences that motivate you, inspire you and encourage you to take action to achieve your goals. To make them work you have to repeat these phrases several times throughout the day, to make them stay etched in your unconscious mind.

Repetition can change your habits, behaviour, and point of view. As you may know, words are powerful. Regular repetition, aloud, but also within you, turns into thoughts that create your reality. Positive thoughts have the power to overcome internal negative speech. You may find it odd to say phrases like “I choose to be happy” in front of a mirror, but I assure you that these statements really help you reinforce the good vibes. Regular repetition of affirmations becomes your truth.

A statement firmly and confidently declares a positive thought and transforms it as a truth. By integrating these positive statements into your daily routine, you help your mind prioritize positivity.

According to some researchers, affirmations can help you work better. Spending a few minutes reflecting on your abilities before a stressful meeting, for example, can calm your nerves, increase your confidence, and improve your chances of success. Affirmations can also help you relieve stress.  

Here are some of the benefits you can get from practising affirmations regularly:

Become happier. Affirmations allow you to recognize the things that keep you from being happy, because you focus on what you really want in life. In addition, your mood will get better.

See things in perspective. We often take the simplest things for granted. Using affirmations allows you to remind yourself that the simplest things are the most important. For example, if you are in good health, by using the statement “I am in good health” you can focus on this point and appreciate it more.

Reduce negative thoughts. Since most of our thoughts are unconscious (and negative), positive affirmations allow you to become more aware of your thought patterns and feelings, thereby reducing the risk of creating a recurring negative thought.

illustration of woman analyzing financial line graphic
Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

To get the best out of affirmation practice, you need to observe these three basic rules:

  1. Plan repetition during specific moments throughout the day. Good times could be in the morning as soon as you get up or in the evening before going to bed. Each of us will find the best time to devote to repeating affirmations.
  2. Use the verb in the present, because you want results now and not in the future. Furthermore, the brain only understands the present tense.
  3. Do not use the negative form (for instance, do not say “I don’t take into account judgements from the others” but “judgements from the others are irrelevant to me”).

There are no strict rules on the frequency of repetitions. Nevertheless, according to psychotherapist Ronald Alexander of the Open Mind Training Institute, the statements can be repeated three to five times a day to reinforce the positive effect.  

Do you like to write? Perfect! Writing your affirmations in a journal and reading them in front of a mirror is an effective way to make them more powerful.

Here are some affirmations you could practice if you want to try if they work for you too:·     

  • I believe in myself and I trust my abilities.
  • I am the creator of my thoughts.
  • I am a successful person.
  • I choose to be happy.
  • An amazing family and very good friends surround me.
  • I am strong and courageous.
  • When I go to bed, everything is as it has to be and I fall asleep peacefully.
  • I love and accept myself as I am.

Do you think you could control more your negative thoughts by starting to make positive affirmations?

photo of person holding cup
Photo by Alina Vilchenko on Pexels.com

Summer Quotation (4)

In your life there are people that you can let go, that you can take the risk of loosing because they bring you mainly negativity.

On the other hand, there are people in your life that you cannot let go, as they bring you love, respect, well-being and support. They are the light of your life. Don’t let them go!