needs – Crisbie Coach

Non-Violent Communication

man wearing brown suit jacket mocking on white telephone

Non-Violent Communication (NVC) developed by Marshall Rosenberg is a form of philosophy of life that seeks on the one hand to strengthen relationships (starting with the one with yourself) and on the other it is a way to begin a dialogue favouring mutual understanding, open mind and kindness.

NVC aims to connect people in a peaceful way, using words without offending people, without attacking them and at the same time without annihilating yourself. It is an assertive way of communication. We listen to understand.

In these times of uncertainty and difficulty due to the persistence of the Covid emergency, we are super stressed and sometimes we can have excessive verbal reactions, which we may regret later.

We can consider the NVC as a real tool for maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves and with others. Who hasn’t ever wanted to express themselves so as not to hurt or attack the other?

NCV consists of a simple method of clear and empathic communication, based on these four steps.

Observation of the facts.

Try to identify the fact without expressing any judgement. E.g. “It’s two o’clock in the morning and I hear music coming from your room” (fact) is different from saying: “It’s too late to make all that noise” (judgement).

Feelings.

Express the feelings that accompany the observation. Or, imagine what the other person feeling is and ask them. E.g. “You are about to take an exam and I see you walking back and forth (observation). Are you nervous?”

Recognition of needs.

Express the needs that give rise to certain feelings. E.g. “I am a bit upset and would like to talk. Is this the right time for you?”

Formulation of requests.

Ask clearly and precisely what you want. E.g. “I noticed that you are very silent today (fact). Are you bored? (feeling).” If the answer is yes, try to communicate your feelings and make a proposal: “Well, I’m bored too. How about going out for a walk?”.

Finally, the ultimate purpose of NVC is to find a way in which each person can express what they consider important without blaming, humiliating, embarrassing, or threatening others. It serves to resolve conflicts, get in tune with people and live in a conscious and attentive way of their needs, finding a compromise with your own.

NCV helps us to discover our experiences and our aspirations and to express them with firmness and kindness.

Furthermore, it also allows us to make ourselves better understood and to understand others better, by easing intra and interpersonal tensions. NVC offers keys to understand our limits and to welcome the actions and reactions of others without letting ourselves be overwhelmed!

Thanks to this tool you can lose the fear of expressing yourself and gain more confidence in your abilities.

What do you think about NVC?

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Ideas to Try out in Your Free Time

To recharge your batteries, you do not need to go to an exotic place, do a daring trekking, or organize a party with a thousand guests (by the way, this is not the case considering the new variant of Covid.) There are many activities you can explore. Here are some ideas to try out in your free time.

Free time, it speaks for itself, is a time during which you do not do the usual things and you can plan your day without too many constraints or obligations. It is a unique opportunity to listen to your needs, without an agenda to follow, to enjoy and savour your moments of freedom that can allow you to take better care of yourself.

Vacations are certainly a panacea to authorize you to do something you have not had the time or energy to do before.

However, decelerate, take moments to listen to yourself, live the present moment, relearn to live at the rhythm of your body, listen to your heartbeat, do relaxing, creative or spiritual activities are things you can do also on weekends.

Starting today, I’ll be posting from time to time ideas to try out in your spare time.

Let’s start.

Write a song, a poem or a letter. Write a song, a poem or a letter addressed to yourself telling something about your life, or your emotions, or what comes to your mind, no matter the topic. In addition, if you can write and play music, why don’t you try also to compose something for the text you have prepared? Then, when you feel confident, try making a great video to share with friends!
Discover a town or a village near your place that you have never visited. Sometimes we don’t think about the treasures hiding close to where we live. Take a day to go and explore the area near you, eat in a typical restaurant, visit places of cultural and touristic interest, then if it’s worth, take a room at the hotel to continue the visit in complete tranquillity the day after.
Create a time capsule. What is a time capsule? My idea of a time capsule is nothing more than a box (for shoes is absolutely fine) that you can personalize by putting inside photos, newspaper clippings, drawings, the letter you wrote to yourself. Use your imagination to create a box that contains everything that represents your current self. Keep it, and have a look at it in a few years time, to see how you have changed. You may be surprised at the progress you have made!
Learn a new skill. If your old hobbies bore you or you don’t have any real hobbies, why not start one? What about learning a new language, a sport that has always attracted you, or a musical instrument? Listen to your passions and develop your talents. Make a list of the things you’d like to do, then choose what you like best.

I’d like to know your ideas! What do you do in your free time?

See you soon with other suggestions.

clear light bulb — Ideas to Try out in Your Free Time -Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

August Blues

I look forward August with impatience as for me it represents the top of summer time, that is my favourite period of the year. July prepares myself to August that comes full of expectations and good intentions.

However, at the end of the summer I find myself dealing with what I have actually achieved and I am not always happy with the results.

It happens that often my expectations are misaligned with reality and this causes me frustration and distress that reaches its top at the end of the summer. The idea of not having enjoyed the summer period as I wanted and the thought of the “going back to work” around the corner might turn the last days of vacation into moments of anxiety and suffering.

The August melancholy is known as “August Blues”, the boredom and the dissatisfaction that may become a real malaise of the season.

Therefore, this year I decided to anticipate it and I identified four suggestions so to avoid being overwhelmed by it:

spending time outdoors: natural light, fresh air and nature help psychophysical well-being and allow us to look at situation with more detachment and serenity;
thinking about the positive moments: we all have had for sure beautiful experiences that brought us some benefits, even though small ones. They will help us to add value to the time spent. Sometimes our mind plays with us and makes us not very objective;
scheduling your time: we are all different and there are people who can go back to work straight after their flight back home but there are others who need some time to recover from the shock of returning home from holidays. Listen to your needs and plan your time accordingly;
last but not least, show awareness: learning to recognize the first signs of your distress will help you to manage it better and to prevent it from overwhelming you.

What about you? Have you ever experienced the August Blues?