Archivi delle categorie:Tools

Three Tips to Fight Frustration

The pandemic has put us in front of an uncertain future and left us with negative emotions.

We have all experienced as children the disappointment of asking for something that was then denied. It could also happen that we started crying and this drove our parents crazy. They labelled this behaviour as a whim.

Actually, frustration is present in all stages of life and our success also depends a little on how we manage this typical human emotion.

A Zen master summarizes happiness in a simple formula: happiness is the reality that we live less than what we want or hope to achieve.

When what you want outweighs what you have, then you are faced with what Carl Gustav Jung used to say: “Life not lived is a disease from which you can die.”

In our society where competition and instant satisfaction prevail, frustration necessarily accompanies us more or less always, because as soon as we have satisfied a wish, another one comes.

This period of pandemic has made us move from unbridled consumerism to a culture of cancellation (cancellation of holidays, cancellation of dinners with friends, cancellation of medical appointments, etc.).

Has this sudden change affected your life? See if you have any of the symptoms listed below to understand if you have become a frustrated person:

  1. you are often melancholic;
  2. you experience increased irritability, tension and stress. Things that didn’t bother you before now make you jump up;
  3. you have negative thoughts that come back all the time, stealing you energy and sometimes sleep;
  4. you have increased consumption of alcohol and medicines taken without medical advice;
  5. you want to run away.
Photo by Oscar Aguilar Elías on Unsplash

If you recognize yourself in one or two of these characteristics, then it means that frustration has taken over part of your life.

Here are some tips that will help you get through this moment:

  1. cultivate patience. It may seem obvious, but it is very effective. As a child as well as an adult, frustration occurs when you don’t get what you want. If the parents don’t buy you the toy you want when you ask for it, but they tell you they will offer it to you over your birthday, that doesn’t make you feel better. In times of crisis, if we do not know when the situation that creates frustration will end (as now, which the spread of Covid has resumed in a rather important way) we could lose hope. Against this view, only a long-term perspective will help you. Although you don’t know how long the situation will last, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel helps you to live in the present moment.
  2. analyse what you get from it. Just as energy is not created or destroyed, but it is transformed, even losses can bring you gains. If you could not leave for that trip you wanted so much, think that you have saved some money and as soon as you can leave again, you will have greater financial availability. If you have lost your job because the company where you used to work has closed down, you will be forced to evaluate other possibilities, to get back into the game and maybe you can start an independent business that you never would have thought of before and that finally it is worthy. To fight frustration you have to ask yourself: What do I gain from this loss?
  3. think that everything changes. Nothing we have will last for ever. Even if we could satisfy all our wishes, it would always be a temporary satisfaction. If nothing remains as it is but everything changes, then the frustration loses its meaning.

The following thought is attributed to the painter Eugéne Delacroix: “Desire the best, avoid the worst and take what comes”. If you follow this motto, instead of holding on to expectations, you will take things as they happen. You will feel more in the flow of events, even chaotic, that life sometimes offers you.

Do you feel frustrated in this period of pandemic that is not over yet nor do you know when it will end?

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

How And Why Adopting Resolutions Now.

When the holidays are over and you start working or studying again, you want to commit to getting back in shape.

Maybe you ate too much and did little physical activity but it is normal, you have been on holidays!

It could also be an opportunity to take stock of the resolutions taken at the beginning of the year and see where you are.

Often, however, among working or studying and other daily activities, you do not have neither time nor motivation.

How would it be following a program that helps you in achieving your objectives now?

Here are some ideas to help you stick to an easy-to-maintain schedule.

Small daily efforts

Decision taken, this year you will try to use less the car, both because it is a super ecological action and therefore good for the planet, and because you will be forced to find other means of transport to get around. You will also strengthen your body without realizing it.

Ready to include some physical activity in your daily life?

  1. Do not park the closest possible to the shop entrance. Park further away and take a stroll.

2. Stop taking the elevator if you live or work on a relatively low floor.

3. Get around by bike or on foot.

4. Don’t have your shopping delivered to you, do it yourself.

5. Go and buy a sandwich at lunchtime on foot. It allows you to relax a bit, change air and walk.

6. Go for walks of at least 30 minutes at least once a week (I walk at least 30 minutes every day, but I suffer from the restless legs syndrome – RLS). You can walk on the street, in the nature, on the beach, alone or with friends. The important thing is to walk.

7. Buy a Pilates ball and sit on it to watch your favourite TV series, movie, or whatever you like.

As you can see nothing strange and impossible! Start introducing one habit at a time and you will soon find your shape again with a minimum effort. To help you out, you can use an app or a bracelet that monitors your activity like a real coach.

Little efforts at home

We know that sometimes it is hard to find time to go to the gym. Why not doing some physical activity at home then? You can buy accessories that allow you to do some gym without leaving your place, such as electro-stimulators, vibrating platforms or abdominal belts, which tone the muscles by causing contractions. You can also follow some exercises online, YouTube offers them of all kinds. You can do Yoga to relax the body without forgetting the muscles, meditation and relaxation, perfect for learning to breathe deeply and to use breathing as a method to fight stress and anxiety. 10 minutes every morning when you wake up will be good for you. Find a trainer you like, subscribe to their channel and receive notifications every time they upload a new video.

Photo by Wee Lee on Unsplash

Small efforts on the plate

Holidays are sometimes synonymous with excess. To get back in shape you need to fill up on vitamins. Start the day with a smoothie or fresh fruit juice. Then continue with a healthy, non-fat lunch of seasonal vegetables. It will help you regain your shape.

You can also drink a glass of warm water in the morning on an empty stomach to stimulate metabolism, detoxify the body and facilitate digestion. Add some lemon and it will be tasty.

So, are you ready for this little revolution?

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

Time Management: the Eisenhower Matrix

London, February 1944. The bombing alarms sound throughout all the city.

In a small room, however, everything is calm, extremely calm. In this room, Dwight Eisenhower is preparing the “OverLord” operation, an operation of capital importance. Eisenhower is an important general in the US military. The decisions he makes will have an unprecedented impact on his life, his career and the whole world. Europe has been suffering from Nazism for too long.

“OverLord” has as its objective the landing of allied troops on the coast of Normandy to free Europe from Hitler’s Nazism. It is a historic moment: it is the largest landing of military troops. The fate of Europe and the whole world are at stake. Eisenhower’s staff are pessimistic. The King of England, George VI, wrote him a letter telling him that the more the project progresses, the more frightening it becomes. His organization does not hold. Eisenhower is in his quiet room in London and the bombs don’t stop falling. It seems that the weight of the whole world is on his shoulders. Work on the final preparations by drinking tea. He has faith in his plan. History will prove him right a few months later. Eisenhower is part of that group of heroes of which little is said, despite being the author of one of the greatest military successes in history. On 6 June 1944 he saved Europe from nazi-fascism.

Eisenhower is at the same time a brilliant strategist, a peerless organizer and a charismatic statesman. His successes are numerous. In 1953 he became the 34th President of the United States. During his tenure, he launched several reform programs, including the modernization of all road infrastructure in his country. We remember him as a man with an infallible organization. A man who is not afraid of challenges, of whatever size they may be. Among the lessons we can learn from Eisenhower, there is the management of time according to the matrix that takes his name, the Eisenhower matrix in fact.

“What is important is rarely urgent and what is urgent is rarely important.”

This phrase was a kind of mantra for Eisenhower. He analysed all his actions according to this principle. Therefore, he has built this matrix, which teaches us to make choices.

It’s very simple. Imagine 4 boxes on a table (in the picture here below they are called quadrants):

  1. one containing urgent and important things;
  2. a second box containing important but not urgent things;
  3. a third box containing urgent but not important things;
  4. a last one containing non-urgent and unimportant things.

I would like to point out that this matrix can help you in both private and professional life.

For all the things we have to do, we need to ask ourselves these two questions:

  1. How urgent is it? When do I absolutely have to do this?
  2. What level of importance does it have? What happens if I don’t do it?

For example, I have a medical appointment that I have been waiting for a long time. It’s urgent? Yes, I booked it a long time ago and so now it’s urgent. It’s important? Yes, because I have to understand the origin of this health problem that has been bothering me for some time.

Therefore, I will put it into the top left “Urgent and Important” box (quadrant I).

In the top right box (quadrant II) I put the activities that are important but not urgent because they are things I can do later. Right now they are not crucial to achieving my goals. For example, I want to promote my business on social media or translate my site into English. They are activities to be planned.

Then, there are some activities that are urgent but not important (quadrant III). For example, replying to an email that does not concern me directly, or attending a meeting that I consider superfluoud that it is important that someone from my team participate. I can delegate this activity.

In the lower right box (quadrant IV) I put everything that is neither urgent nor important. Actually, for everything that is inside this box, I should ask myself: shall I keep it?

According to Eisenhower, such a drastic choice is difficult. However, if after a few weeks, the things inside this box have not been done yet, they must be eliminated.

This matrix is ​​very useful because it forces us to distance ourselves and question ourselves about our situation.

Here are 5 questions that you have to ask yourself:

  1. What really matters to me / to my project?
  2. What do I like about this thing / that project?
  3. Why do I procrastinate on that?
  4. What is blocking my personal development / my project?
  5. What should I stop doing right away so that I don’t waste any more time on that?

What about you? Have you ever used the Eisenhower Matrix?

5 Tips to Help You Sleeping During This Super Hot Summer

If you don’t have air conditioning like me (living in Brussels, I thought it was rare to exceed 30 degrees, while the last few summers are showing the opposite), the high temperatures of this period could prevent you from having a quality sleep. It goes without saying that a good sleep allows you to be in good shape the next day, productive and less stressed.

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash

Here are some tips to help you refresh the atmosphere and sleep better:

  1. choose cotton on your skin. Even though it may seem to you that a light cotton tee-shirt will warm you up during the night, it is actually better because the cotton will absorb sweat;
  2. put a wet bed sheet in front of an open window. It will cool the air down;
  3. don’t take a cold shower before going to bed, otherwise your body will have to raise its temperature to reach its normal one. Take a warm shower and put only your hands and feet into cold water;
  4. pass an aloe vera or a mint stick on the temples and wrists to get a refreshing effect;
  5. drink a hot herbal tea to cause a hot-cold shock to your body also for a refreshing effect.

Are you ready to try them out?

Photo by Anelya Okapova on Unsplash

5 Effective Ways to Relax Yourself

Do you feel the need to relax but don’t know which relaxation method to choose? Here are some of my favourite ones! You have to just choose the one that inspires you the most.

Method 1: mindful breathing.
Obviously it is not our normal way of breathing, which consists of inhaling and exhaling without even realizing it. It is a conscious breathing, to which you have to pay attention.

How does it work? Sit where you want, on the floor, on a chair, on the sofa. Begin to inhale through your nose by inflating your belly. Slowly breathe out through your mouth, emptying your belly (it’s also a good exercise for your abs). Just focus on the air flow that passes through your body. You will see that your breathing slows down and your body slowly relaxes. The ideal would be to practice this type of breathing at least three times a day. You can do it everywhere, you always breath, you only need to do it mindfully. One minute of deep, conscious breathing will help you to relax.

Method 2: meditation.
I am not referring here to transcendental meditation, but to meditation in full consciousness (mindfulness), accessible and easy to apply. Meditation helps you take care of yourself and your mind, allowing you to be aware of the “here and now”, moving away from stress and problems.

How does it work? Close your eyes and concentrate on the sensation of the air going in and coming out from your nostrils. Try not to be distracted, and every time you notice that your mind is wandering, focus back your attention on the breath. A meditation session can last a few minutes for beginners and hours for the more experienced. If you are a super technological type, you can try apps that guide and follow you during your meditation journey. It would be ideal practising this type of meditation a few minutes several times a day.

Method 3: massage
Massage eliminates tension and provides a feeling of serenity and super pleasant well-being. So if you have the chance, get a massage. Your stress will disappear. If you don’t find anyone among your family or friends that can massage you (in these confinement times you cannot go to a wellness centre), you can take massage devices, which you can use for the neck, feet, back or head. There are also armchairs that do massages and even a mask that gently massages your eyes and makes you look and feel perfectly rested! A simple solution for the feet could be crushing and rolling tennis balls. It is almost like having a reflexology session. Give it a try!

Method 4: Yoga and Pilates
They are two similar disciplines and are both helpful for your physical and mental health. While Yoga focuses on the physical and mental connection, Pilates is more similar to a sport that, however, makes us use deeply the muscles of our body.

Method 5: aromatherapy
Aromatherapy uses the aromatic essence of plants to prevent, cure or relax. In the latter case, you can use an essential oil diffuser that allows the atomization of the oils and their diffusion in the home environment.

What oils can you use to relax? Here are some that I like very much:

  1. Lavender essential oil: it has sedative and calming properties and allows relaxation.
  2. Neroli essential oil: it reduces stress and fights insomnia and tension.
  3. Marjoram essential oil: it regulates emotions and protects you from fears.
  4. Grapefruit essential oil: it combats stress and helps you resolve doubts.
  5. Mandarin essential oil: it is relaxing and sedative.
  6. Scots pine essential oil: it helps you control emotions.

Here are my favourite relaxation methods. Choose the one you like most and, if you like, let me know. You can even choose more than one because taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do!

The Challenges of Communicating Across Cultures

I live and work in an real multicultural environment.

The city where I live is Brussels that hosts about 150 different nationalities. The place I work with is the European Commission where all the 28 European Union nationalities are represented.

Sometimes it is difficult to communicate to each other, as you have to pay much attention to other’s sensitivity, emotions and feelings.

Day after day, I learned that each culture has their own approach to communication. 

I found a very interesting the book of the anthropologist Edward Hall, Beyond Culture. He identified the importance of context in communication and raised the attention on the “invisible” type of communication, by which groups of people understand and interpret the world.

The framework proposed by Hall for approaching intercultural communication is high-context and low-context cultures, which refer to the values cultures place on indirect and direct communication.

It is important to note that no culture is completely high-context or low-context, since all societies contain at least some parts that are both high and low. For example, the United States is a low-context culture while doing business, but during family gatherings tend to be high-context.

Let us see now the main features of the two cultural types.

High-Context Cultures

A high-context culture relies on implicit communication and nonverbal cues. In high-context communication, a message cannot be understood without a great deal of background information. Asian, African, Arab, central European and Latin American cultures are generally considered to be high-context cultures.

With people belonging mainly to high-context cultures, you may encounter the following:

  1. Misunderstanding when exchanging information
  2. Impression of a lack of information
  3. Large amount of information is provided in a non-verbal manner, e.g. gestures, pauses, facial expressions
  4. Emphasis on long term relationships and loyalty
  5. Unwritten rules that are taken for granted but can easily be missed. 

Low-Context Cultures

A low-context culture relies on explicit communication. In low-context communication, more of the information in a message is spelled out and defined. Cultures like the Germans, Scandinavians, Americans and Australians are generally considered to be low-context cultures.

Dealing with people belonging mainly to low-context cultures, you may find the following:

  1. All meaning is explicitly provided in the message itself
  2. Extensive background information and explanations are provided verbally to avoid misunderstandings
  3. People tend to have short-term relationships
  4. People follow rules and standards closely.

To avoid “diplomatic incidents”, I try to pay much attention to my interlocutor languages and “imitate” them using the technique of the mirror, namely, repeating the body language, the type of words they use, how they overall handle the conversation.

What about you? Which culture do you think you belong to? Which technique do you use to better communicate across cultures?

Best Friends at Work: 3 Ideas

Do you have a best friend at work? And if you’re the boss, do you think most of your employees would be able to name a co-worker they consider a close friend?
Surveys carried out in the US show the following findings:

  1. 84% of respondents said a job can’t truly be great unless they have great co-workers.
  2. 67% said they have at least one co-worker who they consider a close
    friend.
  3. Those who said they have close friends at work are more than twice
    as likely to also say they look forward to going to work than colleagues who don’t.
  4. 41 % said they’d left a job because they didn’t like the culture.
  5. 36 % said they’d take a pay cut for a more ideal workplace culture.

Gallup.com wrote in January 2018 that their research had repeatedly shown a concrete link between having a best friend at work and the amount of effort employees expend in their job.
When employees possess a deep sense of affiliation with their team members, they are driven to take positive actions that benefit the business — actions they may not otherwise even consider if they did not have strong relationships with their co-workers.

Yale University professors Emma Seppälä and Marissa King wrote in Harvard Business Review in August 2017: “People who have a best friend at work are not only more likely to be happier and healthier, they are also seven times as likely to be engaged in their job. What’s more, employees who report having friends at work have higher levels of productivity, retention, and job satisfaction than those who do not.”

It is interesting to look at that last item above (no. 5) about what would prompt employees to take a pay cut: a workplace that better approaches their ideal, which seems to include more friendships.

It suggests that fostering a culture where employees truly feel like they are working in a culture among friends, might get the kind of loyalty money cannot buy.

Organizations can and should be focusing on how they can build a culture of friendship and inclusion. It is not about forcing employees to be friends. Rather, it’s to create a culture where friendships can naturally develop.

Here are three ideas for fostering and supporting friendships within organisations:

  1. Promote open communication;
  2. Encourage people to get to know one another;
  3. Support social activities.

Would you give it a try?

Dealing with Difficult People

Starting from the assumption that each of us can be a difficult person to someone, there are big categories of difficult people to which you can relate in different ways.

Let’s start with what we can call  the “tanks“. What are the characteristics of these people? As the name suggests, they are people who crush others. How? For example, flinging pointed barbs and making bitter jokes. They decide instinctively and become impatient easily. They attack to intimidate, they claim to be right and threat the others. How can we react to similar behaviour? You can try, for example, to stand up to them without claiming to be right. It may be useful calling them by name to get their attention, asking them if they are serious, trying going beyond the joke to understand the intentions behind this behaviour. Another technique may be to be friendly, that is behaving in a diametrically opposite way to theirs. You could also manage the pauses and try to confront them alone to unmask them without humiliating them.

A second type of difficult people are those that can be defined as “explosives“. They are people who easily lose control and tend to offend. They generate silence in the interlocutor who should try to look them in the eye to make them understand that we are taking them seriously. To calm them down, you could look for a moment of intimacy, like having a drink together, to clarify what is wrong and offer your help.

A third category of difficult people are those who always complain. Who doesn’t know anyone like that? These are people with an external LoC, that is with little control over their lives. They put their problems on others and often use “but”. The antidote to use with these people is listening to make them know that we understand but without showing solidarity. We need to stimulate them to find a solution by themselves and ask them if they have ideas on how to solve the problem.

We then have “silent” people, who are closed and barely react . They could be confused because they don’t understand but at the same time they don’t dare to ask. In reality, by remaining silent they could gain an advantage, as silence offers them protection. With these people, you may try to show empathy, looking at them in a friendly way and going into informal conversations, out of the usual context.

A fifth type is represented by the “unreliable” people, that is those people who, in order to please, make commitments knowing that they will not be able to comply with. You would need to make clear with them how things are and offer a compromise on an equal level, to find a win win solution for both.

Then there are the “negativists“, that is those who say no to everything. They also have an external LoC and often tend to be distressed. The antidote for this type of people is based on a positive and realistic opposition. It is better not to discuss with them but to propose alternatives without offering solutions, to allow them time to make informed decisions.

The seventh category of difficult people is that of the “experts“. They are divided into two groups. True experts and fake ones. The first have the right answer for everything. If you tell them that it is not true they may become upset. They feel strong and think they don’t need anyone. With this kind of people it is important to repeat what they say and ask precise questions to get operational answers. The fake experts are those who are informed but do not go deeper. You would need to explain things as they are to these people but in a face-to-face context so they don’t lose face.

Finally, the last category of difficult people I have identified are the “indecisive“. These people do not have clear ideas and are blocked by excessive concern about others’ sensitivity. They are emotionally involved and think that problems would disapper on their own if you let some time pass. It is important to help these people make things clear, offer them a solution and support without putting pressure.

And you, have you found a category of difficult people besides these ones? Let me know!

5 Myths about Entrepreneurs and Business People

I think that I am going to say something obvious now: being an entrepreneur or a business person is not easy. However, their personal and interpersonal characteristics and skills are not obvious. Some seem unrealistic and they are like myths. Here are five of them.

1.  Entrepreneurs love risk. There is nothing more false than that. Apart from some people, such as those, for example, who do extreme sports, entrepreneurs and business people prefer trying to control risks, like most of us. They analyse potential risks and draft a management plan for each category of risk they identify.

2. Entrepreneurs and business people are visionaries. Actually, they test their ideas day after day. Entrepreneurs and business people are very flexible people with a great spirit of adaptation. Their idea can also change dramatically because of the market needs.

3. Entrepreneurs and business people know how to make predictions. I think entrepreneurs and business people trust more what they do. Any prediction they can make is destined to clash with the reality that changes more and more quickly. Entrepreneurs and business people learn to trust their own intuition.

4. Entrepreneurs and business people are not like us. Well, yes, they are like us, they were not born entrepreneurs or business man/woman, but they have became one. Like all things, you can learn the art or science, as you prefer, of entrepreneurship. What is important is the business idea to be developed, the rarer or more unusual, the better. It is not even important to know how to draft a business plan. You could learn it in business schools or even download it from the Internet. The business plan may be useful to guide you through the business process and if you want to ask for financing or sponsorship. Entrepreneurs and business people try daily on the ground their business model and they learn from the market, from their customers and potential customers.

5. Entrepreneurs are successful on their own. This is also false: entrepreneurs and business people shall be able to count on a team and work with them. Nowadays it is unthinkable to be able to do everything by yourself. The things to do are thousands and sometimes complex, you need to work with many people with different competencies and skills, and that can easily work with each other.

Do you think you have any business skills? Let me know!

How to Relax in 10 Steps: Making Space Within You

Making Space is an exercise in becoming aware of what’s going on in you and finding a little space between you and your concerns. This can help you to take a moment to relax and to develop good conditions in yourself before you start doing something else.

The exercise is simple though very helpful, you only have to follow these instructions:

1. Sit comfortably and put away, or better switch off any mobile device or source of distraction. If you live with someone, tell her that you need some minutes to be on your own and in silence.

2. Try to be good a companion to yourself. You can do this by giving yourself a big hug, of welcoming yourself like you would welcome a good friend.

3. If you want, close your eyes for a while and observe your breathing. Notice how you simply breathe in and out, without needing to change this pattern.

4. Let your attention come down into your body. Be aware of your physical body. Start with your feet and legs, your arms and hands, and then sense the contact of your body with whatever you’re sitting on. Now bring awareness into the middle part of your body, sensing your throat, and your chest, and your belly. Let your awareness rest in this whole middle area of your body.

5. Ask yourself the question: “What is my mind busy with now?” or “How am I feeling right now?” or “How is my life going?” or “What are my main concerns for me right now?”

6. Notice everything that comes to your mind and what you observe in your body, without judgement. Don’t go into anything right now. Recognise whatever comes up as it arises. Just say “Yes, that’s there. I can feel that, there.” Remember not to judge, take it as it comes to your mind.

7. Write on a piece of paper some words on the topics that came to your attention. Take the time you need for it.

8. You can then give yourself the opportunity to put each of these things aside. Place the paper away from you, at the distance you feel right for it. Continue doing like this until you have written down all the different things that have come up and found a place for them. The right place to put something aside may be at a small or a large distance from yourself, depending on what your intuition tells you to do. Change the place until you feel that it is right.

9. Observe your feelings after putting all the papers aside. Feel whether you now have an open inner space.

10. You may also write down a key word or a phrase or an image to capture the experience of having inner space. Give yourself a moment to enjoy this experience of being detached from your concerns and take the time to relax.

Are you now ready to focus your attention on anything else different? If this is not the case, then just go on with this exercise.

Let me know how it works for you!