Stress Management – Pagina 4

What Is Stress?

Stress is considered the result of the interaction between the person and its environment.

It can be considered as a state of inadequacy, of divergence between how the person perceives the situation and how the person thinks about being able to face the situation (or not being able to). The person can then feel a sense of incapability and may think that she is losing control of the situation: this is the reaction of stress.

The reaction of stress goes back to our mechanism of survival, to the stone age when men had to hunt to procure themselves food. A classical example that is done during the training courses on stress management is the following: if you find yourself alone in front of a lion, what would you do? There are three possibilities: fight, flight or freeze. These reactions allow us to react rapidly in a situation of danger. And they are still applicable today.

Nevertheless, our brain, and our body as a consequence, can react in this way also to situations that don’t represent a threat, like for instance being stuck in traffic jams, family or work difficulties.

At a somatic level the reaction to stressful situations is translated in a series of hormonal and metabolic changes, like for example the acceleration of the cardiac pulsation, increase of the arterial pressure, excessive production of sweat.

At a psychological level, stress is translated as an accentuation of the state of vigilance and emotional state (tension, feeling of discomfort) that causes a state of nervousness or an inhibition of the psycho-engine.

If the reaction of stress is short, the person succeeds in adapting. If the reaction persists hours or even days, it becomes intense or chronic, then you may have some health problems.

Recently, I watched a TED talk on how to make stress your friend. It is a very interesting and innovative approach, have a look at it and let me know what you think.

Burn-out and perfectionism

Are you the kind of person who targets higher and higher and is never satisfied with the reached result? It is not a defect, don’t worry. Being perfectionist, however, is a weapon to double cut. If you are too much demanding with yourself, you are a candidate to the burn-out.

Perfectionism is like stress: in small doses it is fine, but when it is too much it is too much! It takes different forms and changes according to the people. Generally, the perfectionist is a victim of the working environment, or of the social or family pressure.

For instance, people who always want to try to be a model employee and always work more, in both quantitative and qualitative terms, they are perfectionist.

This behavior can be harmful because it can turn the initial motivation into professional fatigue. A person of this type works in an inflexible and rigid way. They don’t take distance from their job and they don’t accept to commit errors.

Other kind of perfectionists, get lost in details, they work a lot but not in an efficient way. Others still focus on smaller assignments, because they are afraid to face greater projects and not to succeed in managing them and to conduct them up to the end. The fear of failure that some types of perfectionist feel, can prevent them to accept new challenges.

Sometimes, they also behave like that at home, in a familiar environment. Their place must be always under impeccable conditions and when they come back from work they don’t let go and take a rest, but they start rearranging and cleaning.

In the long run, people like that become fragile and vulnerable. They can go into a burn-out, alimentary troubles or a depression. In the case of a burn-out, their energy progressively decreases because of a constant overload/overwork. If then other factors are added like a little gratifying job or missing recognition of their contribution at work, the risk of burn-out increases.

What can perfectionists do? They should try to focus more on the process, rather than on the result. The result actually depends also on external circumstances that the person cannot always control. Moreover, those people can look for things they like and that are energising, like hobbies, passions, going out with friends, spending more time with their family. The perfectionists have to learn to know better themselves, asking themselves what they like to do, what gives them energy.

They should also learn that human beings make mistakes and that you learn by your own errors.

To invent the light bulb, 5000 attempts were necessary!

Learning To Be Unhappy

I know, usually you would say “learning to be happy”. But, after having read a lot about happiness, I found out that you also would need to learn how to manage your being unhappy.

Is it really necessary to be happy all the time to be successful in life? What is the real meaning of being happy?

Some reaserchers state that happiness means designing your own quality of life and also finding ways to strive for continuous improvement. They say that we all have a social purpose to live for, that is our mission. If you keep a journal, for instance, you would be able to evaluate the activities that make you happy and compare them with those that make you unhappy. In this way you may have a choice. You can also compare yourself with others’ activities to find out what makes them happy and get inspired. It doesn’t mean that you have to compare yourself with the others: you are unique, and in some cases you don’t even know those people very well.

Moreover, there is not a single recipe to be happy. Not everyone will be happy by practising meditation or sports, for instance. There are, however, factors that will influence your happiness: valuable relationships, a meaningful job, work-life balance, a great partner and good health. In any case, you may find someone who is not happy in spite of the fact that they have a good job and they get along well with their partner.

However, there are also researchers saying that it not important to target happiness as such, but you would need to to learn how to be unhappy, that you would need to accept moments of unhappiness without judgement.

Some scientists see with a critical eye today’s trend on being always positive. Avoiding facing distress, sorrow, misery is not a solution. You can’t ignore being unhappy, you have to accept it for what it is. You can also share your negative feelings or emotions with others, it will help you creating and strengthening relationships. When you are worried and you know that someone will listen to you, you may feel a bit better after having shared your distress and discomfort.

Isn’t living together one of the objectives of life ? Actually, those pretending always being happy end up in being alone, isolated and of course unhappy. This sounds like a paradox but if you try to accept your unhappiness as a moment in your life that will fade away sooner or later, you will be more content.

The most important thing is to be happy with the life we live, acknowledging and accepting ups and downs that are part of our life: c’est la vie.

Unplug your mind, find yourself

When e-mails, text messages, conference calls, Webex, Whatspp, FB, Instagram, Tweeter, Google and anything else from your partner to your boss invade our lives, it becomes necessary for our survival to stop for a while and be silent.

Our always connected minds take us away from the best of ourselves and our creative potential.

Referring constantly to what one or the other has said, we forget to connect to our essential being, which is unique and precious.

We have become individuals driven by technological change that moved away from ourselves, from our awareness of being human, from the first component of Emotional Intelligence (EI). EI is recognized today as a condition of success in a Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA) world, as it is the one we live today.

Refocusing, looking inside, listening to silence and our inner voice. In the depths of ourselves we find an enormous amount of resources and our most authentic creativity: it is our treasure, a unique, rich and colorful, magical place where everything is open and possible.

In this space, we can find synchronicity, messages and insights that will enable us to make the right decisions for our lives.

In this space real relationships can arise, authentic relationships between sincere people who are now masked by the ego that continues to rule us.

What to do then?

Give yourself moments of silence! Be for a while without your mobile phone. Go out for a walk without it, walk with no direction in the nature and feel, look, listen, use all your senses to the maximum.

Be present in this unique moment and let yourself be pervaded by the harmony that surrounds you.

Practice your favorite hobby, and if you do not have it, think about finding one. Quietly cooking at home, knitting, painting, drawing, gardening and all the other activities that you may be passionate about.

Stop for a moment and stop moving from one activity to another, from one piece of information to another. Your brain can not take it anymore, it also needs a rest. Give yourself time to deepen the reasons of your choices and discover the reason of your being, your purpose.

So many people today cannot make a decision, if it has not been recommended by someone, a friend, a colleague, or a family member.

People feel lost. Most probably they are really lost: they have disconnected from themselves to live in connection with the social networks.

It is not my intention to condemn social networks and sources of information, I also use them. The problem is their overuse: a lot of people nowadays lives constantly with an external reference and far away from their real life.

I can accompany you on a journey where you will learn to clear some space for your inner needs. I will show you techniques to manage your stress that will help you to go back to your daily occupations in a more balanced way. And live your life fully. You deserve it!

Managing Yourself after a Traumatic Event

I am writing this article now because tomorrow it will be one year after the attacks to Brussels airport and Maelbeek underground station. Maelbeek used to be my station. I got off there each morning and also that morning, 22 March 2016, I was there. I usually go to work early, that morning I went even earlier. I dreamt of snakes, I couldn’t sleep any more.

Then, at around 9 a.m. a man made himself explode in the underground. I heard people crying in the street, a few minutes later we have been asked to lock down, nobody was supposed to go out of the building. It was one of the toughest day of my life.

I had to go twice to the psychologist. The European Commission offers a very good psychological suppor to their staff.

Here is what I learned that I want to share with you:

try not to watch the news or the Internet. If you want to be informed, you can listen to the radio;
talk and spend time with your beloved ones;
don’t over work to avoid thinking at what happened, take regular breaks and do also some work-out or relaxing activities;
try to get back to a normal routine, go to work, see friends, etc. If you feel like, you can do some volunteering, it will help you to overcome the frustration of being useless;
write a journal and make a list of your concerns and decide what to tackle first. But take one step at a time;
avoid taking big decision about your life while under distress or overwhelmed by emotions;
remember that your reaction is normal as you have been exposed to an abnormal experience. Be gentle with yourself. If about one month after the event you haven’t recovered, please talk to your doctor who will recommend what to do.