Archivi delle categorie:Changing Mind

Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Therapy: A Path to Emotional Freedom

Among psychologists, few figures stand out as profoundly as Albert Ellis (1913-2007). A visionary American psychologist, Ellis revolutionized the field with his development of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), a method grounded in the idea that our emotional well-being is deeply influenced by the way we interpret the world. At the core of RET is a powerful insight borrowed from the Stoic philosopher Epictetus: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”

Ellis believed that by identifying and altering our irrational beliefs, we could liberate ourselves from the emotional turmoil that often keeps us from living fulfilling lives. This approach to mental health is not just about understanding the mind; it’s about empowering individuals to take control of their emotional destinies. To do this, Ellis offered several guiding principles that can transform how we think, feel, and live.

1. Stop Using the Verb “Must”

One of the first steps in practicing RET is eliminating the word “must” from your vocabulary. Ellis argued that the word “must” creates unnecessary pressure and unrealistic expectations. Phrases like “I must be perfect” or “People must like me” are irrational and set us up for failure and disappointment. These “musts” turn preferences into demands, making us rigid in our thinking and more prone to anxiety and depression when reality doesn’t meet our expectations.

Instead, replace “must” with “would like” or “prefer.” This simple shift in language can dramatically reduce the emotional intensity associated with unmet expectations. It fosters flexibility and resilience, helping you to face life’s challenges with greater ease.

2. Choose Your Words Wisely

Words are powerful. They are the bricks that build the walls within our minds and between us and others. Ellis taught that by choosing our words carefully, we can change the way we feel about ourselves and our situations. Negative self-talk, like calling yourself “stupid” or “a failure,” reinforces harmful beliefs and perpetuates a cycle of self-criticism.

Instead, practice using affirming and realistic language. When faced with a challenge, remind yourself that you can handle that or that you are doing your best. This kind of positive self-talk can help dismantle the mental barriers that keep you stuck in negative patterns.

3. Focus on How You Think About Yourself

Ellis was a firm believer in the power of self-determination. He acknowledged the influence of the unconscious mind and personal history, but he emphasized that we can shape our present and future through conscious thought. How you think about yourself matters more than what has happened to you in the past.

To harness this power, start by challenging negative beliefs about yourself. If you believe you’re not worthy of success, ask yourself why. Is this belief based on facts, or is it an irrational assumption? By dissecting these beliefs, you can begin to replace them with more constructive and empowering thoughts, paving the way for a more fulfilling life.

4. Stop Blaming Yourself

Self-blame is one of the most common—and most damaging—forms of irrational thinking. Ellis pointed out that constantly blaming yourself for things that go wrong is not only unfair but also unproductive. It traps you in a cycle of guilt and shame, preventing you from moving forward.

Instead, adopt a more compassionate mindset. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that these mistakes are growth opportunities, not evidence of your inadequacy. By letting go of self-blame, you can free yourself from the past and focus on creating a better future.

5. Laugh More Often

Humor is a powerful tool in RET. Ellis encouraged people to laugh at themselves and the absurdities of life. Laughter can diffuse tension, reduce stress, and provide a fresh perspective on your problems. It reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously and to approach life with a sense of playfulness.

Next time you find yourself spiraling into negative thinking, try to find the humor in the situation. It might not solve the problem, but it can certainly lighten the emotional load.

6. Let Go of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a trap that many of us fall into. The belief that we must be perfect in everything we do is not only unrealistic but also harmful. It leads to chronic dissatisfaction, as no one can meet the impossible standards that perfectionism demands.

Ellis advised against striving for perfection and instead encouraged striving for excellence. Excellence allows room for mistakes and growth, while perfectionism does not. By letting go of the need to be perfect, you can reduce stress, increase your sense of self-worth, and enjoy life more fully.

Take Action Now

Albert Ellis’s Rational Emotive Therapy is more than just a therapeutic method; it’s a blueprint for living a more authentic, fulfilling life. By applying these principles—eliminating “musts,” choosing your words wisely, focusing on how you think about yourself, letting go of self-blame, laughing more often, and releasing the grip of perfectionism—you can begin to free yourself from the internal chains that hold you back.

Take action today. Reflect on your beliefs, challenge the irrational ones, and start building a life that aligns with your true desires and values. Emotional freedom is within your reach; all it takes is the courage to change your mind.

Do you think these guiding principles outlined by Ellis would help you build the life you want?

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How And Why Determination And Commitment May Change Your Life

Paris, 2004. A young man comes out from a building with a smile on his face. He applied for a traineeship and had just finished his interview that did not go as expected.

The young man, named Héritier, is 22 years old and came from Angola at the age of 8, running away from a civil war. He did not speak French but did everything to learn all well in school, also helped by his family and friends. After his degree, he started to look for small jobs, to contribute to the family budget.

He applied for a internship with a cleaning company. The employer, although they found that Héritier had an atypical profile, was very interested in the boy’s dynamism and the interview lasted about 5 hours!

At the end of the interview, Héritier did not get the internship but his first job contract. The company was just established and was looking for young talents like Héritier, who in short time reached the top of his career within the company.

He decided then to go further to make his dream come true. He wanted to create his own company and started up a cleaning company that would use only organic products.

Photo by Thepixelman on Pixabay

In those years, his career looked interesting to the media because it reflected a reality that was still unknown: the economical contribution produced by migrants in the country that welcomed them.

With his company, Héritier has generated a turnover of 100.000 euros during the first year, a figure that tripled over the following three years.

Héritier managed to find his way thanks to his commitment and determination to succeed.

What have you learned from Héritier’s story?

Photo by Eko Pramono on Pixabay

The Unusual Email: A Rotterdam Tale

In 2009, the residents of a quiet neighborhood in Rotterdam, The Netherlands, began their day like any other, only to find an unusual email waiting in their inboxes. The message was startling and direct: “Stop using your car now.” It went on to explain that their driving habits had been monitored, and they were being asked to cease driving immediately. The initial reaction was one of alarm. Was this some kind of threat or blackmail?

But the truth was far from sinister. The email was a collaborative effort from the City of Rotterdam and the company managing the local highways. Their shared mission was to tackle the persistent traffic jams that choked the city daily, contributing to pollution and frustration among its inhabitants.

The Common Solution: Bigger Roads?

Many residents wondered why the city didn’t simply build bigger highways or add new ones. It seemed like an obvious solution—more roads should mean less congestion, right?

Enter the Braess Paradox

This is where the “Braess Paradox” comes into play. This counterintuitive theory suggests that increasing road capacity to alleviate traffic jams can actually worsen them. How could this be?

The paradox explains that adding new roads often leads to more people choosing to drive. Those who had previously given up driving due to congestion would return to their cars, and those who avoided rush hour would start using their cars again, believing the additional road would ease their commute. The result? Even worse traffic jams than before.

A Smarter Approach

The authorities in Rotterdam understood this paradox well. Instead of expanding the road network, they aimed to encourage behavioral changes among residents. By asking people to reduce their car usage, they hoped to decrease overall traffic volume and improve the city’s air quality. It was a bold and innovative approach, rooted in a deep understanding of urban traffic dynamics.

The Residents’ Response

Initially, the residents were skeptical and even resistant. But as the reasoning behind the request became clear, many began to see the wisdom in it. Gradually, they adapted, finding alternative ways to commute and reducing their reliance on cars. Public transportation, cycling, and walking became more popular choices, and slowly but surely, the traffic jams began to ease.

The strange email that once caused confusion and concern ultimately led to a positive change in Rotterdam. The city became less congested, cleaner, and more livable, demonstrating the power of innovative thinking and collective action.

In the end, the story of the unusual email and the Braess Paradox became a remarkable chapter in Rotterdam’s history, a testament to the city’s commitment to sustainable living and intelligent urban planning.

What do you think about this approach to solving traffic in cities?

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Transform Your Mindset – 5 Practical Steps Towards Positive Thinking

Our thoughts wield immense power over our emotions and overall well-being. When negative thoughts infiltrate our minds, they can create a detrimental cycle of pessimism. Breaking free from this pattern is possible, and it starts with recognizing the influence of our thoughts and actively steering them toward positivity. In this blog post, I will show you five actionable steps to guide you on the journey towards positive thinking.

Step 1: Acknowledge and Document Your Negative Thoughts

The first crucial step towards cultivating positive thinking is self-awareness. Take note of the negative thoughts that often occupy your mind. Whether it’s self-doubt or feelings of incapability, jot them down. This simple act of acknowledgment allows you to understand how you may be treating yourself poorly and sets the stage for positive change.

Step 2: Combat Negativity with Positivity

Once you’ve identified your negative thoughts, it’s time to counteract them with positive affirmations. Replace self-deprecating statements with empowering ones. For instance, instead of thinking “I am incapable,” shift your perspective to “I am sensitive.” Remind yourself that every step, even if not reached the goal yet, is a testament to your determination and progress.

Step 3: Boost Your Morning Routine with Self-Appreciation

Put positive notes on your mirror, and all over your place, each containing a congratulatory message to yourself. This seemingly simple practice can significantly impact your mindset. Positive affirmations serve as a daily reminder of your worth and contribute to combating the negative inner voice throughout the day. And always remember that you are enough.

Step 4: Be Your Own Best Friend in Self-Talk

Change the way you speak to yourself by adopting a compassionate tone. Imagine speaking to yourself as you would to a friend. Avoid self-judgment and harsh criticism. Just as you wouldn’t belittle a friend, treat yourself with kindness. Embrace imperfections, learn from mistakes, and remember that growth is a journey, not a destination.

Step 5: Embrace Consistent Practice for Lasting Change

Positive thinking may not come naturally at first, but like any skill, it improves with practice. Incorporate these techniques into your daily routine and commit to consistent effort. Over time, you’ll find that the shift towards positivity becomes more natural and sustainable. Remember, changing your thoughts can ultimately transform your life.

While you may not have control over every situation, you do have control over your mindset. By actively reshaping your thoughts, you can create a more positive and fulfilling life. Commit to these five steps, and over time, you’ll discover the transformative power of positive thinking. Embrace the journey towards a brighter, more optimistic outlook on life.

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5 Ideas to Feel Good at Work (Without Looking for Perfection)

There are some problems to address to feel good at work, without wanting to be perfect, also because we would like to avoid that pursuing perfection at work, but also in private life, turns into an obsession.

Problem 1

The work I do is not recognized for what is worth.

Who hasn’t felt this way at work? Who doesn’t like to receive an appreciation, like “Job well done”? But, honestly, isn’t it a bit risky to base our motivation on the appreciation received from others?

Try this exercise: Every day take note of a positive thing you did at work. A well-written report, an effectively managed meeting, a productive coffee break… Then celebrate this success. Go out to dinner with colleagues, or friends, or your partner, but if no one has time, go out alone or prepare a special dinner for yourself. Success is not necessarily having a villa in a posh place or a Ferrari. Success is measured in the small daily things you do and should always be celebrated. Buy yourself some flowers and take them to the office. If they ask you why, answer because you are good and nice. Then, watch how colleagues react.

Problem 2

My life turns around my work.

In French they say “Metro, boulot, dodo”, which means “subway, work, sleep”. That’s not exciting, is it? Often, unfortunately, this is the case. What do you do to change this? Do you ever take time to devote to yourself? Not a day shall go by without you taking the time for yourself. Read that article in your favorite magazine or on your friend’s blog (which could be mine…), go to the gym or take a walk in the park near home, call your mother or that friend you haven’t heard from for a long time… You should devote yourself at least half an hour a day. If you think about it, it’s not much.

Problem 3

I don’t learn anything new anymore.

If you’ve been doing a job for a long time, at some point it’s normal for you to feel like you’re not learning anything new. You get bored and are not happy, even if you manage to work very well, knowing exactly what you have to do. But that’s not enough to motivate you, so what can you do? You have to get out of your comfort zone, you have to accept new challenges. Tell your boss about it, maybe they have ideas.

Problem 4

They will never promote me

So, in my entire career I’ve been promoted only once, last year. And I’ve been working for more than twenty years! Why? In some cases definitely because I didn’t spend much time in the same workplace. Yes, I admit, I’m not that person who sticks to the employer. Indeed, I feel I need fresh air quite often.

But why? Probably because I haven’t found my way yet and so I’m leaving because I have to get back on the road to find it.

Even if you feel “forced” into your workplace, ask yourself what would be your ideal job, the job of your dreams. If you don’t find it in the place where you’re working, start looking around. And make an action plan (if you don’t know how to make an action plan, I can help you  do it). Or ask if you can work part-time, so you can cultivate that passion or hobby that you have been neglecting for too long.

Problem 5

I don’t have time to do anything.

Here we go, this is one of the most common problem nowadays. We have the feeling of not being able to manage our time, and that we are overwhelmed. Family, work and time lost in traffic, there is not much left for us. But isn’t it an excuse? Make an analysis of your day, see the useless things you do and start eliminating them. Then, there are certainly things that you can postpone, for example, it is not necessary to vacuum clean every night even if you have a cat at home like me (I vacuum clean at most twice a week).

It is a matter of choice and priority, you cannot do everything: there are things that you absolutely have to do, others that you can avoid and postpone them (knowing how to postpone things is a science, even if not a precise one …).

For example, while working full time, I dedicate myself to writing this blog because I go out a little in the evening, but when the opportunity arises I do not hesitate to go out. So, when I go out I decide to postpone writing my article.

In conclusion, choice is the basis of change, and action is the basis of positive thinking. Take life into your own hands. Act now, don’t wait!

Why Your Brain Will Be Affected if You Procrastinate

To procrastinate is a fashionable word nowadays that you may have heard. We procrastinate for invoices to be paid, for the dentist, to take the trash out to the bin…

Procrastination is the act of delaying or putting off tasks until the last minute, or even past the deadline. 

Waiting too much can have serious consequences. Think of climate change, for instance. Or illnesses. If you don’t try to find out what you have as soon as you notice the first symptoms, it might become too late. The doctor could say: “You would have come at the beginning, it would have been different. We would have been able to deal with it, the chances would have been better… ”

Cras in Latin means tomorrow, pro means for. Therefore, pro-cras means: it is for tomorrow.

Statistics show that in the United States about 20% of the population, postpone the boring tasks to the next day, as if the tasks in question had then the virtue of disappearing or becoming less boring (seriously, isn’t it rather the opposite)?

A study carried out by Chinese researchers shows very interesting results: procrastinators have certain hyperactive intellectual regions, that are a part of a network of mental wandering: when it is time to take an appointment with the dentist, to pay the invoice or to take the trash out to the bin, these centers make the person think at something else. And, let’s say it, to try to find excuses on how unpleasant it would be carrying out these tasks.

Besides, in procrastinators’ brains, another zone is weak. It is the zone that blocks the activity of wandering and that allows one to remain focused.

People who work in advance according to a planning, in order not to be taken by surprise at the time of an examination, or of the fiscal term, have a high activity in this area, so that the wandering zone is blocked.

When the mind gets loose from the planned purpose and begins to wander, the brain gets vulnerable in that area, which is very sensitive to all that is uncomfortable or disagreeable.

What to do?

The brain is a muscle, let’s train it and exploit its plasticity!

Are you a procrastinator? Let me know!

How Discipline Can Lead to Success

Self-discipline is the ability to train your body and mind. Successful people are masters in this art. Sportsmen, stars of the showbiz, great doctors, inventors, researchers, managers, but also parents, teachers, nurses, all those who have achieved important results during their career and their lives, practice fundamental techniques to train their body and mind. They know that thought generates habit and by disciplining their thinking they create the attitude to do better and better. Let’s see some techniques to learn how discipline can lead to success.

  1. Visualization – Listen to audio that explains what visualization is and how to practice it. You will learn to condition your mind to relaxation, and in this state, you will be more receptive and therefore more creative. Write down your goals (not many, maximum three) and read them aloud. Listen to energizing music repeating your goals like a mantra.
  2. When you visualize your goals, visualize them exactly as if they were already achieved. For example, if you want to see yourself slimmer, visualize yourself in a dress that you have not been able to wear for a long time.
  3. Do this exercise daily: repeat to yourself several times that you have already achieved your important goals. Observe yourself in your new “version”. Persevere in wanting to achieve your goals, do not abandon them, take care of them.
  4. Make a list of some important and essential things that you don’t feel like doing because you don’t like them, they’re demanding, or you don’t have time to do them. Set a deadline and comply with it. The action dedicated to performing unpleasant tasks reduces stress and tension (I know, it sounds strange, but that’s how our brain works).
  5. Remember that you need to improve your body’s discipline as well. So practice sports activities, walk at least three times a week for half an hour, rest and sleep regularly, eat healthy, nutritious and balanced meals, try to always maintain the same weight.

Finally, don’t forget that both losing and winning are mental attitudes that can be learned, but it takes days, weeks, and even months of consistent practice to achieve your goals. Discipline can lead to success if you are determined to follow these fundamental steps.

If you want, you can read in my blog more articles about discipline.

Alan Turing and the Pride

Alan Turing ended his life on June 7, 1954.

He ate a piece of apple with cyanide.

He did so because the British government had chemically castrated him, humiliated him and tried him because he was gay.

For this reason there is a bitten apple on the Apple logo, in honor of Alan Turing.

Alan Turing invented computer science and using his first drawings deciphered the Enigma code  – the encrypted machine that the Nazis and the German army used to communicate secret commands with each other during World War II.

Thanks to this, he saved millions of human lives and with him began the modern era of computer science.

Alan Turing’s story should remind us that Pride is not just about dancing on floats and waving a rainbow flag.

Above all, it must remind us that everyone has the right to be happy, to love everyone who wants to love and to recognize the remarkable contribution that we all can make in a society free from fear or prejudice.

The Black Dot

“Energy goes where your focus is” Tony Robbins

This is what the story of the black dot is about.

One day, a professor entered the classroom and asked the students to get ready for a surprise test.

They all waited anxiously at their desks for the exam to begin.

The professor handed out the exams with the text facing down, as usual. Once he handed them all out, he asked the students to turn over the papers.

To everyone’s surprise, there were no questions – just a black dot in the middle of the paper sheet.

The professor, seeing the expression on everyone’s faces, told them the following: “I want you to write about what you see there.”

The students, confused, got started on the inexplicable task.

When the given time was over, the professor took back all the papers, and started reading each one aloud, in front of all the students.

All of them, with no exception, defined the black dot, trying to explain why it was in the middle of the sheet.

After all had been read, and the classroom was silent, the professor started to explain: “I’m not going to give you a note on this, I just wanted to give you something to think about. No one wrote about the white part of the paper. Everyone focused on the black dot. The same happens in our lives.”

Life is like a piece of paper to write on, observe and enjoy, but we always focus on the dark spots.

Life is a gift, and we always have reasons to celebrate – nature renewing itself daily, friends around us, the job that provides us money to live, the love of our partner, our children, and much more.

The dark spots are very small when compared to everything we have in our lives, but they’re the ones that pollute our mind.

Take your eyes away from the black dots in your life. Enjoy each one of your blessings and each moment that life gives you. Be happy and just live!

Do you think you are living your life fully?

woman in white long sleeve shirt standing near white and gray house during daytime
Life – Photo by Julian Jagtenberg on Pexels.com

How to Find Happiness

We all seek happiness because we think that when we are happy, we have everything. When joy fills our souls, life lights up, our hearts open up and our hands stretch out. On the contrary, when our soul is darkened, when sadness pervades our lives, everything becomes more difficult. Where and how to find happiness?

Where to find happiness

We often seek happiness outside of ourselves. Of course, the joy that comes from the outside brings us joy as well. Dinner with friends, a successful exam, a new experience…

Unfortunately, these are ephemeral moments that will not last long. It would be good for you if you can remember them with nostalgia.

However, there is also a type of joy that does not depend on external events, it does not have elements that have triggered it, in short, it does not depend on anything.

It can be said that this is a free happiness, as Jean Klein defined it, namely a form of joy without object. To quote some of his words: “spontaneous state of interior silence that we can open ourselves to our true nature: the ‘I Am’ of pure consciousness.”  

It is a joy without object because it does not come from the world, it has another origin. This happiness comes from pure existence, from our being in the here and now.

How to find happiness

We knew this joy very well when we were children. Then, slowly, growing up, we miss it.

Sometimes it returns when we do not have worries, we are particularly relaxed and in a good mood.

But if you can transcend everyday life, stay silent and focus on your breathing even for a few minutes, you find yourself and the essence of life in the here and now.

Among the positive affirmations, you can find the affirmation “I am” that does not mean identifying with oneself as a person with name, surname, date of birth, etc.

Transcending yourself means stripping yourself of your individual identity so that you can quickly experience the happiness of your pure being.

Where and how do you find happiness?

underwater photography of clear water
Pure Water – Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Pexels.com