Archivi delle categorie:Life

I Accept Myself As I Am

After finishing my training to become a coach (already a long ago, in 2017), I began to recite a mantra that sounds like this: 

I love and accept myself as I am.

Every time I argue with my husband, especially when he doesn’t like some of my behaviour, I go with my mantra: I love and accept myself as I am.

What does it mean to love and accept ourselves as we are?

First, it means having a healthy relationship with ourselves, namely clogging the genuine belief that we are enough and not continuing to try to be “validated” by others.

Self-acceptance is not just about your body. Sometimes when we look in the mirror (especially us women) we do not like ourselves, we see ourselves fat, a little older, with dark circles under our eyes and who knows what other defects. Our body is the most visible part of ourselves, and commercials make us see people in great shape, always perfect and beautiful.

But also our personality is important of course, and it is crucial to accept ourselves as we are.

Why is accepting oneself so important?

Research has shown that non-acceptance of oneself or poor self-acceptance can be the cause of depression and anxiety. In addition, a negative image of ourselves can even cause eating disorders that could also turn into obesity.

Although accepting ourselves as we are would make us feel better, it is not easy, because we always seek others’ approval. This is also the result of social conditioning, which pushes us to always seek validation from the group, from the community we belong and feel part of.

Moreover, today, with the massive use of social media, we tend more and more to compare ourselves to others, we want to get as many likes as possible, to feel part of something that goes beyond our identity, and prevents us from achieving a well-being based on who we really are and what we seek in life, our purpose, why we are on this planet, in one word, your Ikigai, as the Japanese would say.

We think that judgment, the approval of others contributes to our well-being, when in reality it is not like that.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Who are these “others” whom you trust so much that you let them judge you?
  2. Do you really know them well?
  3. Why do you trust their judgment?

Remember: accept yourself for what you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

Make my mantra yours: I love and accept myself as I am.

Why You Shouldn’t Tell This to Depressed People

Whether you went through depression or have a loved one who suffers from it, we all know that depression is not easy to live with. And what makes the situation worse is often the feeling that people around us don’t understand our being unwell and try to minimize the importance of this disorder.

I explained it in my last post on Wise&Shine last week.

Therefore, I would like to list here some phrases that you shouldn’t tell to depressed people:

1. “Focus on getting better.”  We tend to forget that the state of depression affects us physically and psychologically. It is not enough to get out of bed, get some fresh air and take a walk to get rid of it. If this were the case, depressives would be the first ones to do so, without your advice, because it is very likely that they want to get out of this state.

2.”It will be better tomorrow.”  This phrase could worsen the condition of the depressed person. They may expect to get better the next day, but depression cannot be treated overnight.

3.”Just be happy” For a depressed person, being happy is inconceivable because their disorder alters the image they have of reality. Talking to them about happiness will not improve their disorder, on the contrary. You cannot talk to them about things they are unable to do and sometimes even understand.

4. “It’s your fault.”  Often, when something negative happens to our life, we imagine that it is our fault, and that we deserve it. This kind of approach can aggravate the situation of the depressive person.

5. “Don’t be so negative.”  Negativity is part of how depressive people see life. It doesn’t make sense to tell them something like this. Most probably they will not understand.

6.”Stop complaining, there are people who have a more terrible life.”  This is what I hate the most. It’s not by comparing to some other people that a depressed person would feel better. Being unable to get out of their depression, they would feel even more guilty and miserable for being unwell when they see that terrible things are happening around them. Depressives have very low self-esteem, and this kind of sentence will only increase their self-hatred.

Remember that we all may face difficult times in life. Try to be compassionate with anyone who is suffering also making a good use of your words.

What about you? Do you feel compassionate when someone is suffering?

Why Reading Makes You a Better Person

I want to share a story with you on why reading makes you a better person.

“I’ve read a lot of books, but I’ve forgotten most of them. So what is the purpose of reading?”

This was the question that a pupil once asked his Master.

The Master at that moment did not answer.

After a few days, however, while he and the young pupil were sitting by a river, he said he was thirsty and asked the boy to get him water using an old bucket all dirty that was there on the ground.

The pupil flinched, as he knew it was a request without any logic.

However, he could not contradict his Master, and taking the bucket, he began to accomplish this absurd task. Every time he immersed the bucket in the river to pull up water to take to his Master, he could not take even one single step towards him that the bucket was empty.

He tried and tried again dozens of times, but no matter how hard he tried to run faster from the shore to his Master, the water kept passing through all the holes in the bucket and got lost along the way.

Exhausted, he sat down beside the Master and said:

“I can’t catch water with that bucket. Forgive me Master, it is impossible and I have failed in my task.”

“No,” replied the old man, smiling, “you didn’t fail. Look at the bucket now. Thanks to the water that filtered from the holes, it’s clean and looks new.”

“When you read books,” continued the old Master, “you are like that bucket, and the books are like the water of the river.”

“It doesn’t matter if you can’t remember all the books you read. The books with their ideas, emotions, feelings, and knowledge, that you will find among the pages, will cleanse your mind and your spirit, and make you a better and renewed person. That’s the purpose of reading.”

What about you? Do you think that reading would make you a better person, and that it will also improve the quality of your life?

The Myth of Sisyphus

The stories of mythology, like the Myth of Sisyphus, allow us to understand universal intellectual concepts. The myth of Sisyphus is part of it because it is the story of a man punished by the gods, condemned to roll a huge rock to the top of a mountain. However, once he reaches his goal, he falls back and serves his sentence perpetuating this cycle of the absurd.

Why does Sisyphus have to push a boulder from the base to the top of  a mountain but every time it reaches the top, the boulder then rolls back to the base of the mountain, and this for eternity?

Guilty of numerous misdeeds but above all of having repeatedly deceived Zeus, Sisyphus is locked up in Hades and condemned to an eternal effort. He shall transport a boulder over a mountain that inexorably falls down as soon as it touches the top.

In fact, Sisyphus’ punishment will end up becoming the symbol of any useless action, destined to be thwarted as soon as it is accomplished.

Moreover, the allegory of the Sisyphus myth can also illustrate the condition of men blinded by their own stubbornness. Persuaded to act correctly, they can sometimes close themselves in an endless spiral that will eventually condemn them.

Therefore, when we are blind to the lessons that life teaches us, we can be our own obstacle to change.

However, mistakes often offer us opportunities “A person who does not fail has never tried anything new”. This quote from scientist Albert Einstein perfectly expresses the indispensable nature of these vectors of change. 

On the other hand, these “negative attitudes” are exactly what we need at a point in time before we realize that this state of mind no longer suits us.

In addition, we shall start questioning ourselves, to be able to make the adjustments that may help us meet our expectations.

When we become aware that our mistakes are not obstacles but opportunities to learn, then we start the path towards the achievement of the dreams of our life. We open our eyes and grow. 

Moreover, this is what leads us to enter within our true self and its never-ending mutations. Pushing ourselves into its entrenchments and the emotions they provoke in us allows us to access our real state of existence and we move away from our old habits.

What is the main obstacle in your life towards towards the achievement of your dreams?

Cultivating Trust in Life

In life it happens sometimes that the difficulties are transformed into problems and that the efforts necessary to solve the complexities that life presents to us are important and sometimes last a long time. Sometimes we feel discouraged, and we feel like saying “Enough, I can’t take it any longer, when will it end?”. That’s how we lose trust in life.

Those who know the universal law of alternation continue to have confidence in life, whatever happens because they know that everything is change, renewal and impermanence. They were able to observe that an expansion necessarily follows a contraction and that after dark the light returns.  They are aware that one day things will change, and that life will make them smile again.

The guides who accompany the great expeditions in Kilimanjaro, one of the highest mountains in the world, use a Swahili expression to comfort fatigued walkers: “Polé, polé”, which means “slowly, slowly, one step at a time”.

Without interpreting what happens to us or projecting ourselves into a future that we do not know, we are left with only the concrete possibility of welcoming our moments of misfortune, without resisting them, because all the efforts will only cause loss of energy.

So, go ahead, keep on with trust in life, and slowly, slowly, one step at a time, you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

You can find more articles on trust here.

brown brick tunnel
Light – Photo by Ksenia I on Pexels.com

Seven Simple Rules to Follow

We are approaching the end of summer. For those who have already returned from vacation it may be difficult to go back to everyday life, to start over with the usual routine.

So, I would like to share with you seven simple rules to follow for a quiet and less stressful life:

1. Make peace with your past so that it won’t disturb your future.

2. What other people think of you is none of your business.

3. The only person responsible for your happiness is you.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others, you may get hurt.

5. Time heals almost everything. Give yourself more time.

6. Stop thinking so much. Accept not to know all the answers.

7. Smile. You cannot control all the problems in the world.

Would you consider following these simple rules? Do you have any other to add? Let me know!

two yellow emoji on yellow case
Smile – Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Alan Turing and the Pride

Alan Turing ended his life on June 7, 1954.

He ate a piece of apple with cyanide.

He did so because the British government had chemically castrated him, humiliated him and tried him because he was gay.

For this reason there is a bitten apple on the Apple logo, in honor of Alan Turing.

Alan Turing invented computer science and using his first drawings deciphered the Enigma code  – the encrypted machine that the Nazis and the German army used to communicate secret commands with each other during World War II.

Thanks to this, he saved millions of human lives and with him began the modern era of computer science.

Alan Turing’s story should remind us that Pride is not just about dancing on floats and waving a rainbow flag.

Above all, it must remind us that everyone has the right to be happy, to love everyone who wants to love and to recognize the remarkable contribution that we all can make in a society free from fear or prejudice.