Change – Pagina 9 – Crisbie Coach

Lessons Learned from Cats

Most likely you are asking yourself: “What can I learn from cats’. Well, if you have ever lived with a cat, you know that those fury pets that sometimes stare at us have a lot to teach.

They are quiet and discrete animals but they know a little secret that helps them surviving and that made them earn the reputation of having 7 lives.

As you may know, cats walk also for high and narrow passages, jumps from one place to another, as an acrobat would do.

When those behaviors are part of your life, on of your main problem will be falling down.

Knowing that falling down would be a big problem in their life, cats have developed a skill that let them fall safely, regardless from the way they fall.

By falling, they send their back paws to the side so that the front ones will rotate on the opposite side and will touch the ground first.

So, no matter the way they fall because their front paws will touch the ground first and not their back or their head.

Cats have solved a problem by making it irrelevant.

They have made falling irrelevant by accepting that it is part of their life and therefore they don’t care about why and how it happens.

They accepted that falling is something that happens if you walk in weird places or jump all the time. The only thing they do is focusing in making sure that their front paws touch the floor first.

Which lesson can we learn?

Setbacks may occur but in any case, you shall always focus on your goals and your wishes, without dwelling on the obstacles: you will fall on your feet each time.

Life offers you what you need at that moment, even if it doesn’t seem to you. An Italian song by Fiorella Mannoia says:”…Life is perfect also when it seems absurd and complex. It seems inconsistent and stubborn, but when you fall life waits for you…”

This is what successful people do. They fall and get up, without making drama. They jump and walk on high and narrow paths as cats do, but they consider irrelevant if they fall.

So, what is the lesson?

Learn to fall and you will be able to get up without being hurt.

It is all about changing your mentality and believing in your abilities. Over time, you will see that this mentality will prove to be effective because you will be able to make obstacles irrelevant and you will always fall on your feet.

It might seem difficult, but this is the biggest secret of successful people.

The Benefits of Yoga

Do you know yoga can do more than just strengthen and tone your body? Recent research shows it can have a powerful effect on your health—making it a perfect remedy for several diseases, from high blood pressure to anxiety and depression.

For years, yoga was considered part of the New Age. But today you can find yoga classes all over, and people are giving it a try.

You may already be familiar with some yoga moves such as downward dog and mountain pose, but yoga is more than that. It’s a total mind-body workout that includes: postures, breathing practices, deep relaxation, and meditation that helps improve your health in several ways.

Some health benefits:

Yoga helps you improving your balance, flexibility, strength, and coordination
Yoga can help reduce your risk of heart disease
It may be the perfect way to relieve migraines and fight osteoporosis
Yoga can undo the harmful effects of stress
Relaxing breathing techniques you can practice anywhere so you can stay calm and release tension

Plus, the meditation component of yoga may even help to delay the beginning of Alzheimer’s disease and fight age-related declines in memory.

Why not give yoga a try and see how it can help your health?

Problems vs. Opportunities

What is a problem? A problem can be defined as a matter or a situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and finally overcome.

A problem for someone, is an opportunity for someone else. Every problem has an opportunity in it, and every opportunity has a problem in it. Isn’t opportunities and problems the same thing only with a perceptive change? Doesn’t it come down to how we view the situation? It could be a problem or it could be an opportunity. A problem may be an opportunity waiting to happen. Some problems may be essential to finding opportunities, as they show us that something is not working as it should.

It is how you address a problem that can generate an opportunity: An undesirable event is just what it is, an undesirable event. The difference is how you approach it, in a positive or negative way.

The more time you dedicate to analyse the situation, the more likely you are to find more opportunities than problems. Some problems are huge and the potential for opportunities may seem limited. But if you don’t look for opportunities, you are unlikely to find them.

Seeing something as a problem or an opportunity is definitely about personal perception. And you can always learn something from a problem by transforming it into an opportunity.

5 Skills to Develop to Get Motivation at Work

“How’s at work?” it is a question that is often asked to us by our loved ones and when we answer, we probably think about the difficulties we face or the discomfort/distress we feel towards our work.

If this is your case, don’t worry because you are not alone.

The work environment has changed a lot in recent years and has become a source of stress and anxiety. Lack of future objectives, frequent changes within the organisation with consequent change of bosses, external and internal competition, digitalisation that transforms working methods and requires the acquisition of new skills, managers who sometimes are incompetent but under pressure for corporate objectives, excessive workload and stress can cause toxic behaviours.

People look for motivation at work. Autonomy, mastery and purpose are part of it.

You know what I think about happiness at work, but we can try to develop these 5 skills to feel better at work and find our own motivation.

Accept imperfection: your own, the one of others and the one of the environment. Perfectionism is an important source of our suffering. Being 100% consistent, rejecting your own failures, setting too ambitious goals, all this may lead to a situation of permanent dissatisfaction. A step towards serenity would be accepting the obstacles of everyday life, making choices and compromises, asking what would be the best future path rather than thinking about what could have been (post-occupations, or being worried about something that has already happened and that obviously we cannot change or influence).
Stimulate your own initiative and your ability to act. At work we can decide to be pro-active or reactive. The reactive person is affected by what happens around her and lets herself be guided by the signals of the environment, both negative and positive. The pro-active person takes the initiative and chooses how to respond to the events. Faced with a difficulty, the reactive person will say “I can’t do anything about it” while the pro-active one will say “let’s see what options we have”. For the reactive person, “they” have the last word, while the pro-active one is the one who decides. Developing your own pro-activity means being inclined to action and putting your creativity, intelligence and energy at the service of what you can do here and now.
Strengthen your self-esteem. We are the first responsible of ourselves and the first sponsors of our well-being. This may seem obvious, but it is essential to feel good about yourself, love yourself, listen to your needs (both body and spirit) and try to satisfy them. It is also important to respect yourself in spite of your own defects, fragilities and imperfections, to appreciate and recognise your own values and qualities, to celebrate successes and achievements. Furthermore, in difficult situations, it is essential to protect yourself, to know how to say no, and to communicate your limits, so not to put yourself in danger.
Develop empathy and learn to communicate effectively with others. Most of our difficulties at work are related to others. Whether they are leaders, colleagues, customers or suppliers, the relationship with the others can be a source of frustration and sometimes of real suffering. In order for this relationship to become healthier, more effective and more serene, empathy may be developed. First of all, we have to respect others and avoid judging them. We do not know them, they may have the same or even more serious problems than us. Then try to get in touch with the person in front of you by understanding her experience, her feelings, her needs but at the same time trying to identify the points in common with her. Communicate sincerely also your emotions, and your needs while maintaining an open mind and attitude towards the person.
Cultivate a learning attitude and practise the ability to learn. To face the unexpected and the difficulties that life presents us, it is essential to always learn. The attitude of the person who wants to learn consists in accepting that the learning path always goes through a phase of incompetence and confusion. Before mastering a subject or finding a solution to a problem, it is normal to feel lost in uncertainty and doubt. Therefore, we have learn to manage these moments as calmly as possible. Let us remember that we learn from our mistakes. A failure is not a decision or a judgment, but rather a result, an answer to an attempt we have made. From this unexpected result, we can learn lessons that will serve as a basis for making other attempts that will then lead to the solution of our problem. Let us also remember that we can learn from everyone else and that it is important to accept feedback to improve. Do not hesitate to question yourself, and try to find important or useful information from the exchange with others. The person prone to learning considers all experiences as an opportunity for personal growth, ultimately for their evolution.

Get Your Energy Back by Following These 5 Tips

Spring brings back light. The short winter days are now a memory. It is the perfect time to recharge your batteries and repair your body, your spirit and your soul. Find your energy to get a good start.

Spring is the season of renewal. Every spring day is a new departure. Each morning represents a new chance to reach your goals and follow your dreams.

To get the best out of this spring spirit, here are 5 tips to regain your well-being.

1.Take care of yourself and adopt a healthy sleep pattern. Sleep is essential for physical and mental well-being, specialists recommend sleeping between 7 and 9 hours per night. Feeling rested after a good night’s sleep allows you to better manage your energy during the day.

Tips: Plan your day the night before. In the evening, do restful activities. Create an environment favourable to rest by eliminating strong light and screens (TV, computer but also mobile phone) in your room. Practise yoga or meditation exercises.

2. Energy is on the plate. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. With it, you establish the blood sugar level, avoid the cravings during the morning and give your body the energy it needs to function. Beware of some foods that could be counterproductive. Too sweet food gives you an immediate energy boost but, when over, they will leave you more tired than before.

Tips: Avoid sugars and caffeine in excess and favour food that makes you feel full, such as bananas or apples. Drink large quantities of green tea (which also helps weight loss and prevents cells aging). Buy fresh fruit and vegetables and try to eat less refined food (whole grains would be great). Make the menu of your week and fill up the fridge to avoid coming home hungry and having nothing to eat. By doing so, you will eat what you have and will not order food to be delivered at home. Establish a regular daily meal pattern. Have you ever thought about learning to cook?

3. Meditation is useful for your well-being. We live at high speed. Sometimes this rhythm of life prevents us from fully living the things we do and focusing on them. Many activities can help us take better advantage of the present moment and meditation is at the top of the list. Before going to work, focusing on the rhythm of breathing (inhale / exhale) can help you face the day more calmly. Meditation has beneficial effects on the brain and the general well-being.

Tips: Meditate every day at the same time: wake up your senses by disconnecting yourself for a few minutes. You do not have time? Try meditating in the shower or while you are on the bus or on the metro! It is enough to breathe with awareness. Relax while remaining alert. Follow your cat’s example, if you have one. But don’t meditate while driving!

4. Move to reduce your fatigue. Even if this statement may seem contradictory, sport is the best way to lighten your spiri up, remove your anxiety and regain your energy. Physical activity can stimulate the mitochondria, which are the generators of the body’s energy. So what are you waiting for? Put your sneakers on!

Tips: Walk at least 10,000 steps a day (I know, they are a lot). Try the sun salutation, a sequence of yoga positions that helps you release endorphins in the blood and then help you be in a good mood and spirit and energised. Practise yoga, Pilates, take a bike ride or a walk with your colleagues. Walk with awareness, focusing on each one of your steps and trying to feel the contact with the ground from the top of your heels to the tip of your toes.

5. More balance for more energy We often overlook the importance of emotional balance in everyday life. The harmony of the senses can help us feel better and improve our relationships with others. Pay attention to your emotions and learn to manage them. Do not prevent yourself from expressing them, in the appropriate ways and occasions, of course, otherwise you risk that they would become too intense and then you will no longer take control over them. Take full advantage of positive emotions and try to accept your feelings in moments of sadness or distress. Emotions have their reason for being: they are the ones who determine our actions.

Tips: Try looking at things from a broader perspective: everything in life is useful, even if it does not seem like that. Try not reacting immediately, breathe deeply and remind yourself that it will go away. If you really have to take a position, count up to ten before speaking. Set goals regularly to get the best out of yourself by living again your feelings or thoughts.

5 Tips to Start The Day Anxiety-Free

If you are anxious, most probably you wake up each morning feeling anxious.

Let’s try to understand what causes your morning anxiety. It’s not easy, I know but there are some helpful ways.

Did you get a bad night’s sleep? A poor sleep is the result of thoughts and concerns that you had before going to bed. They keep you awake at night and cause a disturbed night. Does it sound familiar to you?

Try with the making space technique or same grounding techniques, like these ones:

Keep your eyes open, look around the room, notice your surroundings, notice all the details.
Listen to soothing music.
Put your feet firmly on the ground.
Focus on someone’s voice or a neutral conversation.

2. Did you get too much caffeine? Be aware that caffeine is not only in coffee. You may find it in diet coke, chocolate, ice cream, some herbal teas and some painkillers. A small amount of caffeine per day is healthy but not if you want to relax. Pay attention to what you drink or eat before going to sleep. I do not drink coffee after 3 p.m.

3. Are you worrying excessively? I have the tendency to do that, I also think about things happened in the past (therefore I cannot change) and start to worry about. Try to help yourself with these tips:

Are your worries rational?
Weigh up the pros and cons of your concerns.
Remember that most of your worries never come true.
Are you thinking in terms of the worst possible situations?
Are you thinking about anything you may have done wrongly to someone (but you don’t really know)?

Detach from your worries, visualise them in front of you, and look at them as if you were watching a film.

4. Set intentions for the day ahead. The morning is the best part of the day to create intentions. It helps you to sort thoughts out. Think about what you need to be done and when. Prioritise the tasks that are more important. By doing so, you can start working on your plan for the day. If you see that you have too much on your plate, it is time to sort it out. Write down all the things you need to be sorted. Start with the little things you know you will not have trouble with. Cross them off, by actually putting a cross on them. You will feel much better!

5. Start a journal. Writing down your worries and feelings is therapeutic. You can ask yourself questions like:

What issues am I experiencing now?
Is it anything related to my work/partner/…?
What cannot get out of my mind and comes back regularly?
What is making me happy in the present moment?

Do you think these tips are useful? Let me know!

A Somali Tale

A woman begged a shaman for a potion that would “make her husband love her again”. She explained that her husband fought in the war, he was warm, loving, and laughed easily. But since his return he was angry, and distant. The more she tried to hug him, and draw him back to her, the worse it became. The shaman was her last hope.

The shaman listened patiently to the woman’s story. When she was finished he said, “I think I can help you. I will make you a love potion, but you must go find one of the ingredients.”. She said she would. He told her that the love potion must contain a whisker from a live tiger. This was the only way he could help make her husband love her again. She was distraught. “How can I possibly get a whisker from a beast as fierce and powerful as a tiger?” The shaman shrugged and left her to tears.

The next day she went to a place where she had once seen a tiger. On that day she saw nothing more that monkeys fighting in the trees and birds flying in the air. On the second day, she stayed a little longer and found a comfortable place to sit. But she did not see the tiger.

Weeks passed. One morning she sensed his presence before she saw him. She didn’t move but the tiger saw her anyway and ran away. It was a week before she saw him again. Curios, the tiger stopped running away.

Finally, after months of bringing the tiger good things to eat and ever so slowly reaching out to pet him, he finally was so comfortable with the woman that he fell asleep under her stroking hand. Once he was asleep she took a very sharp knife and gently cut one single whisker from the tiger’s muzzle.

The next day she brought the whisker to the shaman, and asked for the potion that would make her husband love her again. The shaman said “You do not need any potion. Throw away the whisker, keep the knowledge you have gained, and your husband will learn to love you once more.”

What have your learned from this story? Share it with me!

Ikigai: The Search for Meaning

The search for meaning is inherent in the human being. In Japan there is even a specific word to define the importance of having a purpose in life: Ikigai. The Ikigai refers to the individual motivation, the one that makes us get out of bed every morning and that gives us the joy of living.

There is no direct English translation. Ikigai does not need not be conducive to fame and fortune. It is simply the priority around which everything else (often unconsciously) revolves.

For some, especially artists or high professionals, this sense of dedication is related to their vocation. There are few things as fulfilling as doing meaningful work, but even those who do not have a career-related Ikigai find purpose in the daily routine.

Ken Mogi, in his book The Little Book of Ikigai: The secret Japanese way to live a happy and long life, tells us that Ikigai is made by five pillars:

Starting small
Releasing yourself
Harmony and sustainability
The joy of little things
Being in the here and now

A basic idea of Ikigai is to be in the flow. Do you remember when you were a child, you were playing and your mom was calling you for lunch? You did not want to go because you did not want to stop playing , you liked playing so much and it was always too early for you. Time flew away so fast and you did not even realise it.

Being in the flow is like that. It means being in harmony with the elements within ourselves and those in the outside world. It means also paying attention to the chances that life offers us.

Ikigai‘s greatest secret is to accept ourselves as we are, with the unique traits we received when we were born.

“I love and accept myself as I am” is a positive statement that I have been repeating for years. You are a unique and unrepeatable individual who must find your own way among the obstacles of life.

Try to answer these questions:

Which are the small things that make you feel good?

Which are the small things that help you to face your day?

Let me know!

A Little Fat Is Beautiful

On Saturdays, I always go to Pilates, if possible, of course. Yesterday, a lady I haven’t seen for a while, approaches to me and starts to talk, explaining me why she has not come for the last month.

Her story begins by saying that she is too thin. It doesn’t seem to me, she is not fat, that’s true, but never before I’ve heard of someone complaining of being too thin, usually it’s the other way, people complain because they are too fat.

Then she starts telling me her problem. Because of her thinness, the bones pierce the skin and come out. Her coccyx has just healed and she suffered a tremendous pain. I am speechless, then the Pilates class kicks off and she stops talking.

I begin to reflect on my two extra pounds, on the fact that I wanted to have a session of cryolipolysis, and on the fact that I do not like my body a little “round”. Then I think about the lady, her problem, and I tell myself that I think I will keep my two extra pounds. I start then to do some research on the benefits of having a little extra fat, so to find a justification for keeping my two extra pounds (I have to find a good reason not to lose these two pounds, right?)

First of all, you need to know your BMI, Body Mass Index, and mine is okay, my weight is normal.

Once that I have established that I am not overweight, I go on with the search to look for possible damages that an excessive thinness may cause.

First of all, the adipose tissue plays important functions, including the production of hormonal substances, such as leptin (the satiety hormone), which has a role, among other things, in the regulation of energy balance and fertility. The reduction of adipose tissue below 20% in women can lead to menstrual irregularities, for example.

Let’s see now other risks associated to an excessive thinness:

Early menopause. It has been found that being overweight may trigger an early menopause.
Osteoporosis. Even the bones can be compromised. Above all, elderly people can experience the fragility of the bones. A certain percentage of fat mass, or even better muscle mass, can act as a protection to the bones.
An insufficient dietary intake causes the body to trigger a “saving” situation with various consequences on the hormons such as the reduction of the growth hormone, or the increase in blood sugar because insulin is reduced.
Muscle strength. Reduction of muscle strength, weakness, anemia.
Infections. Underweight is also associated with an increase in infections due to the lowering of immune defenses.

Watch out! I’m not telling you that you have to fatten excessively to become obese, because then you would have other problems, like cardio vascular diseases. What I am saying is that you do not have to lose weight excessively.

Calculate your BMI and try to keep it over time by eating healthy and regularly, not forgetting that doing the right amount of exercise is just as important.

These are the best things you can do for yourself.

Building a New Habit

Habits represent a great strength, perhaps the greatest in absolute.

Usually in life, a success or a failure that happened only once, don’t make a difference. Studies have shown that some winners to the lottery run short of money a few years later because of their bad habits.

If you eat a big slice of cake from time to time, you won’t get fat. But eating every day biscuits containing much butter, you may become fat.

Then success is a habit, not a one time off event. The tortoise always wins although the hare always brags about being the winner.

Do you know the famous fable of Esopo where a Hare ridicules a slow-moving Tortoise? Tired of the Hare’s arrogant behavior, the Tortoise challenges him to a race. The Hare soon leaves the Tortoise behind and, confident of winning, takes a nap midway through the race. When the Hare awakes however, he finds that his competitor, crawling slowly but steadily, has arrived before him.

It is never too late never to adopt a new habit. Since habits are so powerful, you will begin to see immediately great results, once that you will have acquired yours that will bring you toward the realization of your goal.

Then, how to build a new habit?

First thing, decide what you can make more often in order to reach your goal.

Obviously, it depends on your goal.

Do you want to acquire a specific skill? A new competence, or knowledge? Eating healthier? You shall establish your objective. The next important step will be deciding the time and the place. Every habit must come true within a certain time frame and in an established place.

From a scientific study carried out by Philippa Lally, it results that acquiring a new habit takes 66 days. Actually, some people can make it in shorter time (18 days) and others need more time (8 months). Then, being patience must become your mantra.

However there is a small technique that you can learn in order to make simpler the acquisition of a new habit.

I explain it better with a practical example.

Let’s imagine that you want to acquire the habit to go to gym regularly. Well, at the beginning it is not fun. You have to go to a place and make a big effort to train yourself. Going to the gym happily has to become an habit.

Then the first step is deciding about the time and the place, but don’t do anything yet!

I make it clearer: you schedule a day and a time to go to the gym but when you arrive, you don’t exercise. You can make a tour around, or maybe do some light exercise and for a short time. If the gym has a sauna, go to the sauna and then back home.

In this way, you establish the time and the place in your mind but you don’t complete the action, that is not so much amusing for the time being.

I know that it may seem strange to go around for the gym without training. You can think that it is a loss of time but it is not. This is the first step to build a habit, therefore be patient (be the Tortoise!)

After a few days, or a couple of weeks, your mind will associate the time and the place to the gym and not the effort of the physical exercise.

Don’t think that this phase is a loss of time; actually, it is the most important part.

Are you ready for this challenge?