patience – Crisbie Coach

Aristotle and the 11 Rules for Living Happily

silhouette photography of group of people jumping during golden time

It might seem strange to think that the wisdom of an ancient philosopher like Aristotle could still resonate in our fast-paced, digital age. However, Aristotle’s insights remain profoundly relevant, offering a blueprint for a fulfilling life even in the complexities of the modern world. If Aristotle spoke of 11 rules for living happily, it’s because he believed there is indeed a path to eudaimonia—a term that encapsulates the highest human good, often translated as “flourishing” or “happiness.”

At first glance, it may appear absurd that the thoughts of a man who lived centuries ago could reflect the reality of our rapidly evolving society. However, Aristotle understood the human condition in a way that transcends time. No matter how much trends, mindsets, or expectations change, the pursuit of happiness remains a central concern for humanity. According to Aristotle, there are 11 rules to achieve a happy life. If you follow them consistently, happiness will be yours—and not only that, you’ll also unlock the secret to living the best life possible.

What Is Eudaimonia?

How does one achieve a happy life? What exactly is eudaimonia? According to Aristotle, it’s the concept of a life well-lived, where happiness is not just a fleeting emotion but the result of continuous action directed toward a state of well-being and prosperity. This idea goes beyond physical well-being, encompassing what resides deep within our hearts, minds, and spirits.

In his “Nicomachean Ethics,” Aristotle often pondered the question, “What kind of person should I be?”—a far more profound inquiry than the more common, “What should I do to be happy?” A man of his wisdom could not be content with the average view of happiness. He recognized that true happiness involves focusing one’s resources and energy on self-improvement. This focus not only enriches the individual but also positively impacts the world around them, making life truly fulfilling.

Aristotle, who saw humans as inherently social creatures, dedicated to relationships and communities, faced personal adversity, including the loss of his great student Alexander the Great and subsequent political tensions. Despite these challenges, Aristotle considered himself happy because he adhered to these 11 rules.

Are Aristotle’s Rules for Happiness Effective?

The first question one should ask is whether they truly know what they want to be. In many cases, sadness stems from a lack of self-awareness, leading to an absence of goals and a deep sense of frustration. Human beings are meant to explore both the world and themselves. Without a clear path or understanding of who they might become, they cannot know what to do to achieve happiness.

Eudaimonia, the state of living well and thriving, is achieved through virtue. The person you aspire to be is a virtuous one. Virtues are character traits and tendencies that, when practiced consistently, become excellent habits. Virtuous individuals become role models for themselves and others, contributing to a better society. These virtues are the “golden mean,” golden rules that help one attain the ultimate goal.

There are 11 virtues, just like the 11 rules for eudaimonia.

The first is Courage—aware of dangers, one fights for their dreams.
Next is Temperance, which lies between excess and deficiency. For Aristotle, both the man who drinks too much (lacking temperance) and the one who never drinks at all (being overly temperate) are in the wrong. The key is finding the right balance.
Then there is Liberality—giving more than one has to others, particularly in doing good.
Magnificence is knowing you are great and striving for the best without showing off.
Magnanimity involves serving others with kindness without falling prey to pride.
Patience is about avoiding outbursts of anger—venting is fine, but in the face of adversity, remaining calm and serene helps one handle challenges better.
Truthfulness—honesty always pays off, even when it seems impossible and could cause trouble. The truth always finds its way back.
Wittiness and Friendliness go hand in hand, involving the art of social interaction with genuine humor without being vulgar or intrusive.
Shame is about understanding one’s limits—avoiding becoming either shameless or too timid to act.
Last, but certainly not least, there is Justice—the ideal that animates everything, guiding one to act justly.

The key is to apply these rules according to the situation and your own moral compass. In doing so, you can aspire to be the person you want to be—virtuous and happy within the society you live in.

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How to Keep Your Resolutions

Today is the first of January and many of us have decided about their resolutions for 2023, or are about to do so. The new year brings the desire for a change, the need for renewal. We would like to spend more time with our family, to take that trip that we have been dreaming about for so long, to change our job, to enrol in a gym club, to lose weight, to stop smoking…the main goal is feeling better with ourselves and with others.

Why does it happen then that along the way we forget about our resolutions or we abandon them?

Here are some questions you should ask yourself.

Are your resolutions too ambitious, vague or simply they are too many? In this case you are putting too much pressure on yourself. If you have decided to stop smoking or to lose 10 kilos, you must ask yourself why you have started smoking and why you are always hungry. Are they ways for relieving the daily tensions?

Are you positive in comparison to the achievement of your resolutions? If you think that you will never make it, it is sure that you will never make it. Henry Ford used to say: “If you believe you can make it or if you believe you cannot make it, you will always be right”.

Are your resolutions appealing? You have decided to lose weight or to stop smoking. As such, they are great objectives. But find a bigger reason for which you want to achieve these objectives. For instance, you want to stop smoking to be able to recover breath faster when you go jogging or you want to lose weight to put on those beautiful pants that suited you very well.

Bad habits are difficult to lose, above all you need time. If you have been sticking to them for years, you have your good reasons (to protect yourself from stress, for example). You cannot change your habits in some weeks. Some time ago, studies stated that you could take up a new habit in 21 days. Now, neuroscience has found out that you need at least 60 days! Take your time then, establish a new habit with calmness, don’t stretch your body too far, your body is comfortably used to the old habit and it doesn’t feel like changing it. You must make it understand, day after day, that another way is possible and it is also healthier!

Besides, remember that the path won’t always be linear and you may find obstacles. There will be some easy moments and some difficult ones but losing a battle doesn’t mean losing the war. Accept the ups and downs: your body will learn to adapt slowly.

Choose an objective that won’t sound like an obligation, in the sense that it must represent a real choice, a thing that you want to do, not that you must do. Control your thoughts, remember what Henry Ford said. Don’t focus on what you still have to achieve, but celebrate what you have already achieved. List the small victories and congratulate yourself. Stay positive!

Think about the strength that a seed has to become grass. It must come out from the soil to be able to live and flourish. It works slowly under the soil, up to when one day it comes out and sees the light! For you it is kind of the same thing. Work slowly and one day you will see the results, because you are stronger than you think.

And now four tips:

1. set one objective at the time, but define it well, use the SMART model (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time bound). Even though this model has been created for organisations, it may be helpful also to individuals engaged in goal setting.

2. Adopt the strategy of small steps by dividing your objective into smaller objectives.

3. Celebrate achievements: the first kilo you have lost, the first whole day without smoking. Put some post-it all over your place with your success on it. Tell yourself “Well done!”.

4. Inform your family and friends about your goals and ask them to help you with this. Getting their support will help you in achieving the results. Look for some groups on Facebook that share your same goals, and participate in forums on the Internet. Remember that you are not alone, there are other thousands of people that may have your same goals and exchanging ideas with them can be helpful to you. You can create a blog that can become your journal (a journal on paper is also okay).

I wish you a successful 2023!

How to Overcome Difficulties with the Ganbatte

The Japanese people have an incredible ability to recover from catastrophes of any kind. After World War II that left the country in ruins, in just thirty years Japan became the second largest economy in the world, becoming leaders in the electronics sector in the eighties and nineties. How could the Japanese economic miracle happen? The answer has to do with an expression that we should use too: “ganbatte” which means “try your best”.

Here lies one of the differences between the fragility of the Western culture and the resilience of Japanese culture: how they deal with crisis’ situations.

In Japan, when they have to take an exam, they say “Ganbatte kudasai“, which is the best way to tell others to do their best. In this case, there is no external factor on which the outcome of your exam depends on. According to the Japanese, if you try your best, you will get a result, which even if not the best ever, it will be the best for you, because it represents your maximum effort.

Another Japanese saying, also very useful to all of us, is: “if you want to warm a rock, sit over it for a hundred years”, which means that to overcome great difficulties you need to be patient. However, this doesn’t mean sitting down and waiting for circumstances to change, it means actually working to create new situations and opportunities.

The “ganbatte” is present in the individual and collective activities of the Japanese, and it is very much linked to the Ikigai, that is simply the priority around which everything else (often unconsciously) turns.

In 1995, when the disastrous earthquake happened in Kobe causing enormous damages, the slogan that circulated in Japan was: Ganbaro Kobe. The meaning of the message was: strength and courage from all of us; united and with efforts we will get out of this situation.

Later on, in 2011, on the occasion of another great earthquake that caused the nuclear catastrophe in Fukushima, the slogan that encouraged all Japanese was: Ganbaru Nippon! This encouraged all Japanese to join in the collective effort to help all those involved in the catastrophe. A collective effort was required, and this spirit manifested heroically when retired workers from the nuclear power plant, volunteered to control it. The reason presented by those people was that it was better for the radiation to affect people who had already lived a good part of their lives rather than young people with a future ahead.

A good lesson for all of us in these difficult times. We could try to do as the Japanese do by following these four practical tips.

Do and not complain. Don’t complain with your arms crossed: do something. Value your actions, even if they seem of little importance to you, in reality everything you do is important. As the Kaizen philosophy says, modest but continuous progress ends up in a great transformation.
Hope instead of despair. An attitude of hope focused on day after day rather than on “when this will end” helps to keep morale high.
Don’t waste energy. Don’t venture into endless arguments, which get you nowhere. It is necessary to keep all your strengths (mental and physical) to keep moving forward.
Seek the company of enthusiastic people. We are friends by affinity. This does not, however, exclude that we can surround ourselves with people with a ganbatte spirit, who strive to improve rather than seeing only the negative side.

Do you think ganbatte can help you with facing difficult situations?

Three Tips to Fight Frustration

The pandemic has put us in front of an uncertain future and left us with negative emotions.

We have all experienced as children the disappointment of asking for something that was then denied. It could also happen that we started crying and this drove our parents crazy. They labelled this behaviour as a whim.

Actually, frustration is present in all stages of life and our success also depends a little on how we manage this typical human emotion.

A Zen master summarizes happiness in a simple formula: happiness is the reality that we live less than what we want or hope to achieve.

When what you want outweighs what you have, then you are faced with what Carl Gustav Jung used to say: “Life not lived is a disease from which you can die.”

In our society where competition and instant satisfaction prevail, frustration necessarily accompanies us more or less always, because as soon as we have satisfied a wish, another one comes.

This period of pandemic has made us move from unbridled consumerism to a culture of cancellation (cancellation of holidays, cancellation of dinners with friends, cancellation of medical appointments, etc.).

Has this sudden change affected your life? See if you have any of the symptoms listed below to understand if you have become a frustrated person:

you are often melancholic;
you experience increased irritability, tension and stress. Things that didn’t bother you before now make you jump up;
you have negative thoughts that come back all the time, stealing you energy and sometimes sleep;
you have increased consumption of alcohol and medicines taken without medical advice;
you want to run away.

Photo by Oscar Aguilar Elías on Unsplash

If you recognize yourself in one or two of these characteristics, then it means that frustration has taken over part of your life.

Here are some tips that will help you get through this moment:

cultivate patience. It may seem obvious, but it is very effective. As a child as well as an adult, frustration occurs when you don’t get what you want. If the parents don’t buy you the toy you want when you ask for it, but they tell you they will offer it to you over your birthday, that doesn’t make you feel better. In times of crisis, if we do not know when the situation that creates frustration will end (as now, which the spread of Covid has resumed in a rather important way) we could lose hope. Against this view, only a long-term perspective will help you. Although you don’t know how long the situation will last, knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel helps you to live in the present moment.
analyse what you get from it. Just as energy is not created or destroyed, but it is transformed, even losses can bring you gains. If you could not leave for that trip you wanted so much, think that you have saved some money and as soon as you can leave again, you will have greater financial availability. If you have lost your job because the company where you used to work has closed down, you will be forced to evaluate other possibilities, to get back into the game and maybe you can start an independent business that you never would have thought of before and that finally it is worthy. To fight frustration you have to ask yourself: What do I gain from this loss?
think that everything changes. Nothing we have will last for ever. Even if we could satisfy all our wishes, it would always be a temporary satisfaction. If nothing remains as it is but everything changes, then the frustration loses its meaning.

The following thought is attributed to the painter Eugéne Delacroix: “Desire the best, avoid the worst and take what comes”. If you follow this motto, instead of holding on to expectations, you will take things as they happen. You will feel more in the flow of events, even chaotic, that life sometimes offers you.

Do you feel frustrated in this period of pandemic that is not over yet nor do you know when it will end?

Coping with Cabin Fever

A few days ago, listening to the news updating on the Covid-19 outbreak in Belgium, I heard that they were talking about the Cabin Fever. Since what they were saying sounded familiar to me, I decided to do some research. Having spent 9 weeks at home, without going to work and without seeing people other than my family, I must admit that I also felt something strange. I don’t feel like going back to a so-called normal life (then I should also know what it is the meaning of this normal life and see if I like it).

Actually, I don’t want to go back to work, I mean to my office premises, as I have been tele-working very well since the beginning of the crisis. It wasn’t clear to me why, so I decided to try to find it out and I drove nearby my office place. I found out with great relief that I did not feel anything in particular, neither stress nor anxiety, or fear.

However, this did not change my wish to continue teleworking.

What is it about?

The Cabin Fever is a syndrome that you may develop as a reaction to being isolated or confined for an extended period of time. It is not a real mental disorder, but it is associated with a particular condition linked to a long period of being lockdown, such as a disease, or a pathological condition, or in the case that we have been just experiencing, with the Coronavirus pandemic. We can feel anxiety, insecurity, fear of the future and of those we don’t know. You don’t want to leave your own place and only there you feel safe.

This syndrome, first described in the early twentieth century, is not fully recognised at a scientific level because there are not enough literature and case studies. At the time, they referred to people who, for example, worked in the high mountains and spent a lot of time within their home. It was discovered that these people found it difficult to go out, because they felt that they could not control the external space. This may also happen to prisoners when they go out of prison (that is why it is also called prisoner syndrome). You may feel infinitely small in front of a big world, out of your reach.

What to do then?

We spent about two months locked in our apartment or house, worried about the spread of the virus, fearing of ourselves getting sick, fearing that one of our loved ones would get sick and fearing of losing our job.

The media have also played a bit with our fears: put on the mask when you go out (but there were no masks available), don’t touch anything when you’re out if you don’t have disposable gloves (also unavailable on the market), above all do not touch your face (do you know how many times are we tempted to touch our face in an hour? On average 60 times, that is once a minute. Try to pay attention to it). It doesn’t matter then if on the street you see people wearing the mask in an absolutely inappropriate way which could also be more harmful than useful (wearing the mask around the neck, putting it on and taking it off maybe with unwashed hands, leaving the nose uncovered – I know it is difficult to breathe with something on your nose and mouth).

And now that, all of a sudden, they tell us that we can get out, we wonder if the danger has really passed. Our mind is still focused on everything that has just happened and it is normal to think that there may be a situation of danger and / or insecurity outside (think only if you have to use public transport for example).

Now, however, it is time to plan the future, calmly. Did you appreciate the quietness found during the time spent at home? I have appreciated it very much and I would like teleworking from home to become a regular working pattern. I wish that we could choose to stay at home to tele-work (it is obvious that it is not a possible option for all types of job, but big companies like Twitter have already adopted this policy and have decided that only those who want will go back to their office). I list only some of the advantages that this choice entails: your ecological footprint will decrease, your quality of life will improve because you find yourself with “freed” time, for example from avoiding the journey home-work-home. This time could be dedicated to your well-being.

Then you can arrange a meeting with some (a few) friends and pay a visit to your family (though without being able to hug each other yet).

A few days ago it has been announced that from June 3 we can return to Italy without having to spend 14 days in quarantine. So, we can start planning vacations. You could start too.

What you shouldn’t do is listening obsessively and compulsively (transforming or even adding obsessive-compulsive disorder – OCD – to the Cabin Fever) the continuous updates on new infections, number of deaths, and the news coming from other continents. Don’t watch catastrophic movies, they don’t help you but rather will increase your anxiety. Then, try to think positive, because as the law of attraction teaches you, if you think negative then what happens to you will be negative. Also be aware that most of the bad things you think won’t happen, and that’s statistics.

Above all, try to be courageous, patient and safe: step by step the world will start to turn again, more or less well, but I hope better than before.

However, if you experience a sense of terrible anxiety, a malaise that paralyses you and you feel like being surrounded by flames, or by monsters, or by dangerous animals, you should go to a professional, such as a psychologist for example, if you don’t want this syndrome to turn into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).