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Gaining Perspective on Negative Events

Take a few moments to bring to mind a difficult experience you are dealing with: some event in the past that made you sad or angry, for example, or some anxiety or worry you have about the future.

Try to understand your feelings using “you,” “he/she,” and “[your own name]” as much as possible. If your name is Dana, for example, you would ask yourself, “Why does Dana feel this way? What are the underlying causes and reasons for her feelings?” If you begin to see the event in your mind, try to watch through the eyes of a distanced, third-party observer, rather than through your own eyes.

The goal here is not to avoid or separate from your feelings, but to analyze them from a clearer and more helpful vantage point. Spend three minutes reflecting in this way, writing down your thoughts if you feel so inclined.

Although it may feel unnatural to talk to yourself in the third person, research suggests that it can help you confront difficult feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Eventually, you might be able to use this kind of self-talk during difficult events as they’re unfolding, such as a stressful task at work or a particularly challenging social situation.

You can practise this exercise in any situation that may happen to you, it takes only 5 minutes!

Mind Mapping: What If Our Brain Looks Like A Walnut

Mind Mapping is a powerful graphic technique which provides a universal key to unlock the potential of the brain that was invented by Tony Buzan. I heard about it a long ago from a friend of mine who is a writer. He used it to make up the plot for his books. He could also get a license for free from Tony as he was one of the first user!

Mind Mapping takes inspiration from our brain that looks like a walnut and it help us to use both hemispheres to be more creative. Moreover, using it it’s fun and we do things better when we enjoy ourselves.

I attended a course recently, it has been long that I wanted to do it. Have a look at one of my first mind maps that explains you a bit what it is about:

Why I call it a spider? Because it is recommended to have maximum 8 branches, that I called legs. As each leg generates a topic, you can add other subtopics linked to the first one. Actually, this is a danger, as you wouldn’t know when to stop!

Mind Mapping will enable you to plan personal development paths, make choices and let you know where you are, where you are going and where you have been. That’s why I have decide to start using it!

Main advantages of this method are:

You can use colours to identify subjects: you will enjoy looking at it, read it over again and remember as it will catch and hold your eye;
You can use your creativity without limits and you will be able to see new solutions to old problems;
You can use images or draw yourself instead of writing: you will get a sense of fulfilment and reward;
Radiant thinking, helicopter view: with Mind Mapping you will have an overview of a large subject and you can also deal with a large amount of data.

There are some free softwares available on the Internet, just google for it. However, while you will be able to present information in a more structured way, you won’t be able to express your creativity. They are good for presentations you may want to do in front of a client or an audience. But draw very personal Mind Maps for your own use, feel free to use your imagination!

Active Listening

Do you like music? What do you do when you listen to your favourite music?

When I was a teenager, I used to learn by heart the lyrics of my favourite songs. Still today I try to do it. I can easily learn the lyrics if I listen carefully to the song and if I listen to the same song several times.

The same thing happens with people. Nowadays most of us are more interested in speaking than listening. Though, to be able to understand properly, you should be able to listen correctly to the other. Not only listening shows respect to the person who does the talking but it shows also empathy, that is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

There is one powerful technique, used in coaching and counselling, Active listening. It is a communication technique where the listener focus for about 70% on listening, and the remaining 30% splits into 20% of questions, and 10% your opinion.

You would need to be sure of what the person is saying, therefore you will rephrase her sentence. You can also ask confirmation of what has been said. Questions to assure the other that you are listening are also useful. Body language helps a lot. Don’t sit with legs or arms crossed, it would give the impressione that you are a closed person, or impatient, or even challenging. Consider also the distance between the other and yourself. Don’t stay too close, usually one meter is okay, it leaves enough space for communicating well in a close but safe way. It also depends on the nationality of your interlocutor.

When you put a question, it has to be an open question, meaning that you don’t ask questions that have a yes or no answer.

Example of questions may be:

Who/what precisely…?
When did it happen?
Why do you believe that…?
How did it happen? Describe it more precisely.

If you would like to develop your listening skills, drop me an email.

Managing Yourself after a Traumatic Event

I am writing this article now because tomorrow it will be one year after the attacks to Brussels airport and Maelbeek underground station. Maelbeek used to be my station. I got off there each morning and also that morning, 22 March 2016, I was there. I usually go to work early, that morning I went even earlier. I dreamt of snakes, I couldn’t sleep any more.

Then, at around 9 a.m. a man made himself explode in the underground. I heard people crying in the street, a few minutes later we have been asked to lock down, nobody was supposed to go out of the building. It was one of the toughest day of my life.

I had to go twice to the psychologist. The European Commission offers a very good psychological suppor to their staff.

Here is what I learned that I want to share with you:

try not to watch the news or the Internet. If you want to be informed, you can listen to the radio;
talk and spend time with your beloved ones;
don’t over work to avoid thinking at what happened, take regular breaks and do also some work-out or relaxing activities;
try to get back to a normal routine, go to work, see friends, etc. If you feel like, you can do some volunteering, it will help you to overcome the frustration of being useless;
write a journal and make a list of your concerns and decide what to tackle first. But take one step at a time;
avoid taking big decision about your life while under distress or overwhelmed by emotions;
remember that your reaction is normal as you have been exposed to an abnormal experience. Be gentle with yourself. If about one month after the event you haven’t recovered, please talk to your doctor who will recommend what to do.

Law of Attraction – A Personal Journey

I read The Secret by Rhonda Barnes in a very difficult period of my life. I lost my job, was about to leave the house I was living in because it has been put on sale, and didn’t want to buy it. A friend of mine offered me that book. I didn’t read it immediately. I put it in my bookshelf, among other books I wanted to read.

Then I moved to another, unknown country for me, Estonia. I got a job offer for Tallinn. It sounded great and perfect. Only after a couple of months there, it turned out to be a nightmare. My former boss was a egocentric woman, very capable in manipulating people. I truly believe that she harassed me for all the years I worked with her. An investigation carried out later on, confirmed my feeling.

I started to think a way out from that situation. Not easy to find another job, I sent out a lot of applications without result. I decided then to enrol with a coaching programme, to become a professional coach. To be a coach, you need to coach yourself first.

During my studies and training, I stumped in the Law of Attraction (LoA). Then, I remember The Secret, started to read it, finished in a couple of days.

I realized that LoA had worked for me but according to my wishes! I thought that I would have lost my job for a long time and my boss fired me with almost the same words I thought! Too many negative thoughts produced only negativity in my life. So, I said to myself that if it had worked for the bad, it should work for the good. I started my path towards a purposeful life and I reached the first step. My dream, the purpose of my life, is still far away, but stone after stone I will build my house.

You should know that LoA doesn’t work as soon as you start the practise. You need to change your mindset, and it takes time. Miracles don’t happen the day after, but when you don’t expect, your wish will come true.

I can help you with setting your goals to start your practise with the LoA. If interested, please, get in touch with me by clicking here.

Being Assertive

To communicate with confidence you should be assertive. What is assertiveness? The Dorland’s Medical Dictionary defines it as a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person’s rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one’s rights or point of view.

If you would like to know your level of being assertive, fill in the questionnaire!

Then, check the results. If you would like to improve your communication skills by being more assertive, or change your communication style, schedule an appointment with me by clicking here!

Becoming Resilient

What is resilience? Resilience is the capability to recover quickly from difficulties and withstand stress and catastrophe. Resilient people have the optimistic belief that failures can be opportunities to learn, develop new skills, ideas or career options. You can read further on what it means to be resilient here.

According to psychologists, you can develop resilience in several ways. First, exercise regularly and get enough sleep, so that you can control stress more easily. The stronger you feel physically and emotionally, the easier it is for you to overcome challenges. Then, focus on thinking positively, and try to learn from past experiences. Build strong relationships with colleagues and friends, so that you have a support network to fall back on. Set specific and achievable personal goals that match your values and will drive you to achieve your purpose. Work on building your self-confidence.

Have a look at those stories of individuals who have shown resilience to overcome failure and achieve success:

famous entrepreneur stories

23 Incredibly Successful People Who Failed At First

Would you like to learn how to respond to the challenges of your daily lives in a more balanced and sustainable way?

Would you like to understand your own personal feelings, needs and limitations?

Would you like to start thinking positively and to be creative?

Get in touch with me, I will help you to get there!